All the broken pieces seem unable to come back together. Who am I anymore? I’m lost in the daily grind of caring for my kids, doing dishes, making meals, washing, drying and folding laundry.
Absorbed in the midst of all my to-do’s. Where is my peace? This desperately trying to hold onto God and cry out to Him for rescuing from morning til my head hits the pillow at night.
Restless. Unsatisfied. Discontent. Unable to be still.
Be still my soul. There is too much work and it never satisfies me. I will never get enough done or have the house clean enough… or the kids schooled enough. I will never be content with the mere work of my hands.
My hope is in something bigger, someone greater than myself.
My hope is in God who is always faithful, never changing. A rock unmovable. He is not shaken by my inconsistency or my feelings that fall and rise like the changing tide. He is not touched by my inability. My grasping. My pathetic attempts at striving and failing. He is not undone by my lack.
I wake up and my soul is already tired. Discouraged. Overwhelmed. I want to retreat within my shell. Shut out the surrounding sounds and noise. I had five minutes of quiet before the children found me. And then the demands start. The needs begin to pile and accumulate just like the dirty laundry.
I’m not a mistake and am where I am supposed to be. My life belongs to Him. All my efforts and failed attempts, all my misapplications of trying to put my life together and get it “right”.
It’s done. All that is necessary, required, and truly needed is finished. Not my work but Jesus Christ’s perfect work applied to me. His righteousness given to me. So I can rest. I can crawl back in bed and get a little more shut eye knowing that Christ is truly enough. I can surrender the to-do lists, the messes, the goals, hopes and plans for my day, month, year, decade and life.
No matter what I face my situation never truly changes. I am His and He is mine… bought with the precious blood of Christ.
I often feel too shattered to be put back together. A Humpty Dumpty who "all the kings horses and all the kings men can't put me back together again." But the King can. He knows each broken piece and He knows what it looks like for me to be made whole. And He is able to put me back together again... and again.