Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Schooling & other new endeavors.

so the plan has been to homeschool Libby this year...

We had been talking and planning on it all spring and summer. Change of plans. She asked me a couple of daygs ago if she could go back to school. I'm fine with that. I hadn't purchased my curriculum yet. I have it all picked.

The deal is she will go to school with her brothers and then when we move to Norfolk we'll start homeschooling her. This actually provides the opportunity for me to focus on packing/moving stuff and not starting a huge endeavor but I'm looking forward to teaching her.

I'm excited and I'm also a nervous wreck.

I had told myself that "I will not homeschool my kids". Don't know where I got that. I guess I just didn't want the pressure. I didn't want to conform to a mold. Funny because, I loved my homeschooling experiences. I was homeschooled 5th and 6th grade and 11th and 12th. It was a fantastic time. I guess I felt inadequate for ME to be the teacher. That I didn't have what it took. ETC.

My plan is to homeschool Libby at this point. The boys will continue being in public school which has been a huge blessing for all the special needs that we've had going on. Speech therapy. IEP. all the extra help, etc.

Kids have backpacks and all school supplies.

One thing that i love about God is that He has different things for us at different times. He allows us to explore different options and have different experiences. What works for my family is different from what works for someone else. And yet in each of our ways we can bring glory to God in our lives.

I got advice from a long-time friend today and was encouraged to Start Simple and Keep it simple. Good advice. There are so many things I want to do and get involved with. Asking the Lord to direct our steps and lead us on this path.

The main reason I wanted to homeschool was that Libby told me she doesn't have enough time with me. Her days get so full of school, travel by bus alone takes up over 2 hours of the day, and then homework. So I look forward to that time with her.

So moving. Homeschooling.

My new niece is scheduled to arrive next Tuesday (the 20th). So excited to have a new little one in the house. Our household is growing to 14! So proud of my brother and sister-in-law. So excited for my niece Madison to be a big sister. Loving having my 89 year old grandmother living with us. It's been such a joy to have her here.

Lots of changes and adjustments. Life has been a rollercoaster in terms of anticipation. We've had lots of good things happen and a lot of big needs come up. Trusting the Lord with all the details and believing that He has good things in store for us beyond what we can see.

So this year twins will start kindergarten. Samuel is in 2nd grade and Libby in 3rd. Where does the time go???

Taking a deep breath and plunging forward with my eyes fixed on Christ. He is the sustainer. Redeemer. Hope. Life-giver. promise keeper. He satisfies us with His love. He gives joy and meaning and hope to each day and in all our lives.

Pushing forward.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

& That's a Wrap.

Mike preached at a friend's church on Sunday. Afterwards they have a time of fellowship which of course involves food. The kids were handed out cupcakes after the end of Sunday school. Peter quickly started devouring his cupcake.

So intensely was he absorbed in eating the cupcake he didn't notice he was eating the paper wrapper. I pulled a long piece of paper wrapper out of his mouth. It was covered in frosting and cake bits but 95% paper.

Peter burst out,
"Hey! That was MINE!"

Monday, August 12, 2013

Summer Fun.

Been having a lot of fun this summer. I joined up with a friend and we had a fabulously crazy  time.  I had to go make some returns that required a trip to the mall. The kids did great.  These were some pics she snapped of the boys. I love Ian's "Gangsta" look. The gold ring came from a quarter prize machine.
After the mall we went back to my friends for pizza and trampoline time. Fun last days of summer.

All Smiles

Peter (on the right) with his buddy, "Baby LIAS!"

Angry Birds meets Matrix: "I know Kung-Fu!"

"Oh puleeze! Another picture!"- AKA I better ham it up!

Thursday, August 01, 2013

Rambling & Prayers

I’m a mess. And I realized I hate being a mess. I hate being imperfect. I hate being broken and sloppy and inadequate and unable.

What’s my problem. Why can’t I press through? 

Here’s the thing. I don’t have it together. I can’t even brush and floss consistently. I’m unable to keep up with kids chore/responsibilities. I create schedules I can’t follow and to-do lists I can’t finish. I set my hopes for the moon and always fall flat on my face.
So how does one let go and surrender my expectations and desires and yet press forward and keep trying. How do I continue to keep making goals? Trying to accomplish things? How do I attempt a schedule for them? How do I model good behavior? Eating habits? Sleeping habits? Exercise habits? 

How do I move forward from this place of apathy. But the problem is I don’t have apathy. I care too much. I care what others think. I care that I’m not meeting my own expectations.


I feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall and willing myself to move forward. I can’t do it. I’m weak and unable. Apart from Christ I can do nothing. Nothing. No thing.

He’s my only reason I can change and grow and hope and believe that I can move out of this pit of self-indulgence and guilt induced shame and move forward. I can’t do it on my own.

In myself I don’t have the will, the ability, the strength to keep going.

My kids are fed. Laundry is done. But I’m imperfect. Inadequate. I fail. I stay up too late. I oversleep. Some days I feel I accomplish the world. Here’s the truth though. Whether I accomplish much or little I must do it with love and do it for God’s glory. Because if it’s only for my selfish gain than it’s a vapor and smoke that will disappear in a matter of moments. But if it’s done unto Him and for Him then it is lasting and eternal. It will bring pleasure to Him, the only audience that matters.

So, back to the drawing board. Pulling out my planner and calendar and to-do lists and giving it to God. Lord you have our days and our time. Let us live for your glory. Help me to see what you want me to do in each day. Help me not to be this crazy, reckless, driven woman but instead bow my heart to you and submit to your will and what you have for me. Help me to take each week, each day, each moment at a time and live where you’ve placed me.

I surrender my worries and anxiety to you. You are in control. I’m not. I relinquish my false control and say only you are worthy. I give myself, my heart, body, strength, talents, giftings, strengths, weaknesses, failings, sins, desires, worries, hopes, fears, dreams, and family to you. Use me as you will.

I am yours. Save me.

Ear follow-up

Thanks to Mike's diligence in using Debrox and cleaning Samuel's ears there was barely any wax that needed removing yesterday! Samuel tested much better in his left ear than he had several weeks ago. His right ear is still bad but has not gotten worse. He will be getting a hearing aid fitting September 5th. The audiologist did tell us that Samuel did show loss of high pitch in his left ear and that this is often the beginning of losing his hearing from chemotherapy. We will be regularly monitoring him.

I feel more peace than I did. Such complicated mix emotions of gratefulness and concern. I know the Lord has Samuel and I need to trust Him that He is able and loves Samuel even more than I do.