Showing posts from October, 2009

Don't Cry Shop Girl. Don't Cry.

(Photos are work of E.G. Benson & are copyright protected.)

Ian Christoph
Michael MacLeod
One of my absolute all-time favorite movies is You've Got Mail. It's pretty much my comfort movie. I don't know why but it creates some magical happy place in me when I watch it. It's sweet, tender and funny and well, what's more pleasant than New York in spring?

The line at the end is so the clencher... "Don't Cry Shop Girl. Don't Cry." I need my own handkerchief to dab at my eyes.

Aah the emotions of the "cycling" woman. I'm so emotional... I've managed to eat a bag of twizzlers. Now mind you they weren't the family size... they were the "personal" size but they're probably twice the amount you should eat. Blah. I feel like a bloated rollercoaster.

Libby's 5th Birthday was this past Friday... 5. I can't believe it. She had a wonderful day! We had pancakes at IHOP with Mike's parents and my grandmother. …

Sit a spell.

What is that sunshine? Is there life out there? Life outside of myself? Life outside of my own head, my thoughts?


Why Yes! Thank God! Sickness has passed. a trifling cough lingers but otherwise all is well.

I've been enjoying becoming human again... a shower does wonders. I took the twins and did physical therapy at the playground at the mall just for a change of pace. Again, marvelous to see fellow beings of the human race.

I'm at Starbucks... don't sigh. Yes, I'm an addict. But it's not the coffee... not really anyway. It's the atmosphere. It's seeing Mary's face at the cash register or talking with an old co-worker Todd who now manages the store... I love hearing how his wife Luce is doing... and their bambinos. She's a fellow co-worker of mine as well.

I love sitting in the comfy chair and kicking off my shoes.... whether they be flip-flops, crocs or something with heels... and just getting indian-style. I drink a big cup of iced wate…


Sick in bed... another day. For the past several days I've been sick. You know that neon mucous issue that creates post-nasal drip and makes your tummy ill... and your voice sounds like a frog. Yep. So I'm not getting all the things done that are supposed to be: Libby's invitations, paying for school pictures, remembering people's birthdays, hiring people for Michael's medical waiver, etc.

Instead I'm a lump in bed. Mike told me I need to relax and rest so I can get better faster. I'm surviving with a box to tissues and Benadrly on one side and hand sanitizer and my new Netti Pot on the other.

Sleep is coming...

New Day.

Woke up at 4:50 a.m. Michael's feed was done and chiming in my ear. I got up and took a shower. Blow dried my hair. Packed up the kids lunch/snacks. Ready to face another day. What a morning. The freshness of the day ahead. Unspoiled. Unstained. Unmarred. That's how God sees me every day. Because of Christ.

I'm excited that He's showing Himself to me. Showing me Himself even in the early morning.

Michael had a GREAT appointment with GI yesterday. They were so pleased at how he's doing. He's grown a lot and we're starting to wean the reflux meds to see what happens.

I also found out that our waiver has gone through and been processed... what does that mean you might ask? It means I get help... and they get paid! Yay!

Another day. Another beginning. Thank you Jesus.

We miss you Williams!

Last Kisses.

Laura & Picard
Samuel saying good-bye.
Michael loved Picard
The Williams Family!We love these people!

A trip to the Park- Laura with Michael.

Home again.

We arrived back home from Charlotte last night. Mike flew down in the morning and drove us back. I was so thankful he was there. It rained the entire ride home and all I could think about was my sister's car accident.

But we're here safe and sound. The kids had school today. Libby has ballet. Michael has his GI appt. And I have an important assessment meeting for Michael this afternoon.

So to sum up our trip: 2 car break-downs. My friend bringing Dunkin Donuts coffee & donuts (of course). Picard being put down. Libby being sick with a 103 fever and having to take her to urgent care. Swine flue? Tema-flu medicine and insurance. Time with LiAnn and Laura in down-town Davidson. Ice-cream. Tears. Trip to Target with alexis, Thomas, courtney, michael & Samuel. 7 Scrapbook Pages. Some knitting. A great game of clue. Tons of pictures. A sausage & egg biscuit with hasbrowns. Home-made applesauce. It was quite a trip!

Need to finish unpacking and re-arrange the kids r…

My favorite yellow lab.

December 8, 1996-October 9, 2009

Picard was such a great dog. A gorgeous yellow lab he served as a seeing eye dog for 8 years to John, my friend Laura's brother. He then was given to Laura and her family during his retirement years. My favorite memory was of him laying beside me when I was sick and on bed-rest with the twins. Picard your are loved and missed!

I was glad we could be here to be a distraction (and hopefully comfort) during this sad time.
(Okay, just going with the part of the work on the car for now. Work on the rest later when we're back in VA. )

Sad day for our friends. Filled with tears. Lots of tears.

Saying good-bye is never easy.
When will we meet again?
6 weeks?
16 months?
60 years?
Time goes on. Drags on. (So it seems.)
Then blink. It's over. It's passed us.
How did we live?
What did we choose? Did we live like this was our last day?
Did we make this earth our home or live for more?
Heaven's so close. It's just a breath away.
It's walking into the other room.
And when we see Jesus all the pain will disappear. And the sin will be gone.
And He will wipe every tear from our eye.

So I'm holding onto Him who is holding me.
I'm believing He is who He says He is.
My tears He keeps in a bottle.
He sings over me in the night. He's delighted with me.
One day... I will stand in His presence.

Until then I weep with friends.
I eat. I sing. I laugh. I dance. I cry. I yell. I learn. I teach.
I change. I grow.…
Okay, so it's not the alternator. It's the battery for sure and ty-rods and something else... I can't remember what but I know it will need an alignment. It needs approx. $590 in repairs.

On a sad note our friends the Williams had to put their dog Picard to sleep. He's been declining but it was so sad to say good-bye.

I am holding on to the fact that He LOVES US! I need that reminder!

10 hours later...

What a trip! It took 10 hours to arrive at the Williams. I was up at 6. We left at 10 a.m. Broke down twice. Thank God for AAA.

First time we broke down we were leaving Chick-fil-A. The car started but messed up when I turned on the headlights. So I turned it off (big mistake) and tried to restart. It wouldn't. So I made the most of it and kept a positive attitude. I had a really bad headache when we had stopped for lunch. I took Tylenol. It felt like a Migraine coming on. Then I smashed my head with my sunglasses on the top of my head and really hurt my head. Then I pinched my finger in the door. Then I discovered the car wasn't working.... sounds fun, huh? I kept trying and trying.

I then made some calls. Took the kids out of the car and let them run around. The kids ran in a grassy patch and we had running races. Everyone's belly was full and was in a general good mood. We kicked around a soccer ball. Samuel even helped gather discarded beer bottles. Yes, rec…

Choosing Light.

"Mommy, I can't find it?" Libby (my almost 5 year old) is scavenging around. She flipped on the light switch. "Oh there it is," she declares.

"Sometimes you have to turn on the light to find what you're looking for."

That was so true. Her words still linger with me. I need to to turn on the light to find what I'm looking for.

Sometimes when you're sitting in the dark as long as I've been you forget that there's any other option. You forget that there's light.

I'm learning to bring myself out of the darkness into light. Or a more accurate description is letting God's light into my darkness. Or should I say allowing His light...

My cousin a couple Christmases ago bought Libby a fantastic book called The Lightlings by R.C. Sproul and Justin Gerard.

A review from Amazon says this of the book:

We all know kids are sometimes afraid of the dark. But, did you know that some people are afraid of the light? In The Lightlin…

Reliving the Past.

It's been hard lately. A very dark time. I think my subconscious has been reliving the anniversary of incidents that took place 3 years ago. 3 years ago my son Samuel almost died. I will never forget watching him stop breathing... and watching him turn colors and yelling for a nurse and doctors exploding into the room like a bad scene from ER. Code Blue was announced through the speakers. The room was turned into an emergency ICU room. He wouldn't breathe. The doctor told me he was having death spells.

I remember almost collapsing and the doctors had to get a nurse to guide me out of the room. I started to fall apart. The doctor told me to call my husband... "Tell him, if he wants to see his son alive, he needs to get here NOW." I wanted to throw-up. What the hell was happening?

How did my little baby go from having a "normal" hospitalization to almost dying? to being flown by helicopter to a children's hospital in delaware.... to him being intubate…


The last week has been a whirlwind.

We replaced the apnea monitor because it wouldn't charge.
Samuel went to the dentist to get 3 cavities filled.
The pulmonlogist determined Michael no longer needed an apnea monitor :)
We went to the Emergency Department. Michael had a scrapbooking puffy sticker stuck in the roof of his repaired cleft palate.
Samuel had his reception for Student of the Month.
I've shampooed the furniture in the house.
Done about 6 loads of laundry.
Taught a friend how to knit.
Debi helped me to convert some tacky curtains (valance) from a Thrift Store into a trendy skirt for Libby and her friend.
Therapy, therapy, therapy.
4 hours on the phone to apply for assistance with Michael.
Mike starts teaching his Introduction to Theology class at church this Sunday.
I found a support group for Parents who have children with special needs.
Baby-shower brunch after church.

Next week:
We go to the pumpkin patch.
Libby starts ballet :)
Therapy, therapy, therapy.
(Hopefully) Caregroup.

Mom Video

This almost had me split a gut. It was shared with me in an e-mail and I had to pass it on because I think every mom would appreciate this.

Fall time.

This past fall we had so much fun getting to go to a pumpkin patch with Libby's school. Fafa got to go with us and we had a blast!


I've been having a recent conversation with Mike and as it's developed I've been wondering if perhaps it's something I should share with you. This is not directed to any one person in particular but is something to be said/shared in general. You might find this applies to you in part... you might find that it doesn't- but I think it's beneficial for all to hear and hopefully will speak to you.

If you've been following the blog for a while or if you know us (in real life), you've seen lay-offs, sickness and hospital visits, multiple moves, complications in pregnancy - in short, kinda hard stuff. When its written online or on paper it seems like we could by now be used to the difficulty and "abnormality" of normal life. There certainly is a sense of relativity when it comes to crises or lifestyle adjustments (like feeding tubes). You do tend to get used to what you commonly live with.

However, the deep sense of Shalom life from before the F…
I take it back. Ian dumped hot sweet tea on me. My hair, shirt, carpet... on the therapist and on himself and Michael. He is very quick with a mug.