Sunday, October 25, 2009

Don't Cry Shop Girl. Don't Cry.

(Photos are work of E.G. Benson & are copyright protected.)

Ian Christoph
Michael MacLeod
One of my absolute all-time favorite movies is You've Got Mail. It's pretty much my comfort movie. I don't know why but it creates some magical happy place in me when I watch it. It's sweet, tender and funny and well, what's more pleasant than New York in spring?

The line at the end is so the clencher... "Don't Cry Shop Girl. Don't Cry." I need my own handkerchief to dab at my eyes.

Aah the emotions of the "cycling" woman. I'm so emotional... I've managed to eat a bag of twizzlers. Now mind you they weren't the family size... they were the "personal" size but they're probably twice the amount you should eat. Blah. I feel like a bloated rollercoaster.

Libby's 5th Birthday was this past Friday... 5. I can't believe it. She had a wonderful day! We had pancakes at IHOP with Mike's parents and my grandmother. It was a complete blast. She had school and had cupcakes and her classmates sang to her. We watched Madeleine and ate pizza for dinner and had birthday cake.

Libby had the best attitude about her birthday. We talked to her weeks in advance and I was afraid of what it would be like when the "big day" came. But she was grateful and thankful and sharing and others-minded. What a blessing!

Saturday we went to one of her classmates birthday parties at Chuck E. Cheese. That was an experience.... trying to control my 4 small children in a loud and wild environment. But the fellow parents were helpful and kind. I ended up enjoying talking with one of the moms. The kids had a great time.

Afterward we went to a thrift store and Libby used some of her birthday money to buy a beautiful San Francisco Music Box- a carousel horse (perfect condition)... and a sparkly crazy dress with rainbow butterflies everywhere. We found a shelf with flowers on it and some other things... I'll have to take pictures to show what I'm talking about. What was so fun was having her pick out her own things with her own money. She weighed everything seriously :)

So get the kids back in the car. Pass around water. Kids fall asleep-beautiful thing.

Almost home and I see a yard sale.... and then I see it... a sparkly purple princess bike.... could it be?

Mike and I have been praying for a bike for Libby for the past several months. We've checked out Craig's List and thrift stores.... and here was this bike. or should I say "THE BIKE".

So I stopped. I pulled over to the side to check it out. I bought some books in perfect condition for a few quarters and some brand-new looking shoes for Libby (a dollar a pair!) A sweet set of foam letters (reg. price $25) for a buck!

The bike was $20. I called up Mike and he said YES! So I got it all in the car. Kids still sleeping.

The problem was when I tried to leave. The car managed to get stuck in soft mud and completely ended up tilting to the side into this soft sloped ditch... so much so I couldn't open the door to let the kids out on that side.

The lady (from the yard sale) and her husband came to the rescue. I called my mom and asked her to bring my dad's truck. While we waited the lady got water for us and helped me get the kids out of the car. The kids drank water. Read books and played. My mom arrived and the man went and helped get the vehicles set up to tow. The truck pulled out the huge suburban from the mud! It was amazing.

We left. I thanked the couple profusely and rejoiced that the Lord had provided a quick solution to a tricky problem. Got home and got the babies to bed.

The gentleman told me I needed to hose off the car or the mud would mess up the vehicle... There was mud CAKED everywhere. So I had the kids come out and help me. Libby found her bike and was so excited. I was hosing down the car and the kids were running in an out of the water. I had them strip to their underclothes and they ran around getting completely soaked. We all ended up so wet I decided it was the perfect time to clean out the pool. We have a LARGE plastic pool on the deck. It's been breeding frogs and such and filled with algae and much slime.

I scrubbed and scrubbed. The kids were squealing and laughing helping me drain the water and scrub. We even found some real live frogs in the pool. I hosed us all down to get rid of the algae off of us. I was starting to itch. So I grabbed the kids and we went inside to shower. Libby and Samuel and I were all in the shower... I was shampooing their hair and they were laughing at the soap and wiping off the fog off the glass shower walls.

We all got into our pajamas and headed downstairs to have some dinner.

What a crazy couple of days it's been.

Mike taught his final class at church this morning. It was a circus trying to get all 4 kids up and ready so we could be at church at 8:30... we arrived late again but we were there and the kids were fed, cleaned and diapered. so, take what you can get :)
We served in 7 year olds at children's ministry... so needless to say we were all very tired. The older two went over to Mike's parents. I had the smaller two. Mike had work in the afternoon. I had a relaxing afternoon and then got to go home and take a NAP.

I think nap is another word for blessing!

Libby's birthday party is Saturday morning. Pumpkin decorating and caramel apples. Candy gathering and more... it will be fun!

so ups and downs. God is still faithful. He is our provider. He cares about our needs and even our wants. He answered my daughter's prayer for a bike. He is teaching us contentment in all circumstances and to trust Him! He even allowed me to be calm in the midst of a vehicle almost completely tipped to its side. He provides help in our time of need- trucks and moms and generous strangers!

So I know my Big Daddy God is quick to comfort me and pull out a handkerchief and dab at my eyes and say "Don't Cry my girl. Don't Cry."

Monday, October 19, 2009

Sit a spell.

What is that sunshine? Is there life out there? Life outside of myself? Life outside of my own head, my thoughts?


Why Yes! Thank God! Sickness has passed. a trifling cough lingers but otherwise all is well.

I've been enjoying becoming human again... a shower does wonders. I took the twins and did physical therapy at the playground at the mall just for a change of pace. Again, marvelous to see fellow beings of the human race.

I'm at Starbucks... don't sigh. Yes, I'm an addict. But it's not the coffee... not really anyway. It's the atmosphere. It's seeing Mary's face at the cash register or talking with an old co-worker Todd who now manages the store... I love hearing how his wife Luce is doing... and their bambinos. She's a fellow co-worker of mine as well.

I love sitting in the comfy chair and kicking off my shoes.... whether they be flip-flops, crocs or something with heels... and just getting indian-style. I drink a big cup of iced water and unwind. It's really the smell of the coffee in the air... of bumping into a person you know... or maybe 2 or 3 or 20. It's writing 5 pages in my novel before I realized I should stop and take a breath.

I'm in the same room where I told someone I was pregnant... and told someone my sister died. This room holds so much emotion. Coming to grips with an alcoholics addiction and writing my wedding invitations.

It's the place I come to so I can grieve. The place I come to so I can pray. The place where I love to meet friends. The place I come to when I want to laugh. The place where I can come when I want to be alone (just insert earphones).

I've written essays for college and a letter to a friend in a foreign country telling her of my broken heart. I was at Starbucks starting my training as a barista on September 11th. I wrote my sister's wedding speech here. Sigh.

So you might wonder, why Starbucks? It's my third place. And yes, I know I sound too much like an advertisement. I think I always sound that way on anything I'm truly sold on.

And now a time to sit. And drink my iced water and work on my novel... and nibble on my pumpkin cheesecake muffin...

Everyone should have their own "place". I never thought my place would be Starbucks, but it is.

Saturday, October 17, 2009


Sick in bed... another day. For the past several days I've been sick. You know that neon mucous issue that creates post-nasal drip and makes your tummy ill... and your voice sounds like a frog. Yep. So I'm not getting all the things done that are supposed to be: Libby's invitations, paying for school pictures, remembering people's birthdays, hiring people for Michael's medical waiver, etc.

Instead I'm a lump in bed. Mike told me I need to relax and rest so I can get better faster. I'm surviving with a box to tissues and Benadrly on one side and hand sanitizer and my new Netti Pot on the other.

Sleep is coming...

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

New Day.

Woke up at 4:50 a.m. Michael's feed was done and chiming in my ear. I got up and took a shower. Blow dried my hair. Packed up the kids lunch/snacks. Ready to face another day. What a morning. The freshness of the day ahead. Unspoiled. Unstained. Unmarred. That's how God sees me every day. Because of Christ.

I'm excited that He's showing Himself to me. Showing me Himself even in the early morning.

Michael had a GREAT appointment with GI yesterday. They were so pleased at how he's doing. He's grown a lot and we're starting to wean the reflux meds to see what happens.

I also found out that our waiver has gone through and been processed... what does that mean you might ask? It means I get help... and they get paid! Yay!

Another day. Another beginning. Thank you Jesus.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

We miss you Williams!

Last Kisses.

Laura & Picard
Samuel saying good-bye.
Michael loved Picard
The Williams Family!We love these people!

A trip to the Park- Laura with Michael.

Home again.

We arrived back home from Charlotte last night. Mike flew down in the morning and drove us back. I was so thankful he was there. It rained the entire ride home and all I could think about was my sister's car accident.

But we're here safe and sound. The kids had school today. Libby has ballet. Michael has his GI appt. And I have an important assessment meeting for Michael this afternoon.

So to sum up our trip: 2 car break-downs. My friend bringing Dunkin Donuts coffee & donuts (of course). Picard being put down. Libby being sick with a 103 fever and having to take her to urgent care. Swine flue? Tema-flu medicine and insurance. Time with LiAnn and Laura in down-town Davidson. Ice-cream. Tears. Trip to Target with alexis, Thomas, courtney, michael & Samuel. 7 Scrapbook Pages. Some knitting. A great game of clue. Tons of pictures. A sausage & egg biscuit with hasbrowns. Home-made applesauce. It was quite a trip!

Need to finish unpacking and re-arrange the kids room. We just gave Libby her "own" bedroom as a surprise but the kids rooms are still in disorder. All 3 boys are in the same room now! I've had sinus issues and a bad headache that won't disappear. Trying to catch up on all the paper work and things that are going on... Whew!

I'm going to lay down to take a nap for an hour.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

My favorite yellow lab.

December 8, 1996-October 9, 2009

Picard was such a great dog. A gorgeous yellow lab he served as a seeing eye dog for 8 years to John, my friend Laura's brother. He then was given to Laura and her family during his retirement years. My favorite memory was of him laying beside me when I was sick and on bed-rest with the twins. Picard your are loved and missed!

I was glad we could be here to be a distraction (and hopefully comfort) during this sad time.
(Okay, just going with the part of the work on the car for now. Work on the rest later when we're back in VA. )

Sad day for our friends. Filled with tears. Lots of tears.

Saying good-bye is never easy.
When will we meet again?
6 weeks?
16 months?
60 years?
Time goes on. Drags on. (So it seems.)
Then blink. It's over. It's passed us.
How did we live?
What did we choose? Did we live like this was our last day?
Did we make this earth our home or live for more?
Heaven's so close. It's just a breath away.
It's walking into the other room.
And when we see Jesus all the pain will disappear. And the sin will be gone.
And He will wipe every tear from our eye.

So I'm holding onto Him who is holding me.
I'm believing He is who He says He is.
My tears He keeps in a bottle.
He sings over me in the night. He's delighted with me.
One day... I will stand in His presence.

Until then I weep with friends.
I eat. I sing. I laugh. I dance. I cry. I yell. I learn. I teach.
I change. I grow. I empty. I fill. I wash. I dry. I rejoice. I mourn.
I love. I hope. I laugh. I sleep.

I can do these things because-
He lives. He loves. He saves. He bled. He died. He rose. He redeems.
He cares. He carries burdens. He intercedes. He gives life.
He quiets with His love. He gives purpose to my life.
He is everlasting. He is faithful. He is good. He is Truth.
He is Life. He is my hope, my joy, my song.

"His Eye is on the Sparrow"

Why should I feel discouraged
Why should the shadows come
Why should my heart feel lonely
And long for heaven and home

When Jesus is my portion
A constant friend is he
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know he watches over me
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know he watches me

I sing because I'm happy
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow

And I know he watches
He watches me
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know he watches
I know he watches
I know he watches me

Friday, October 09, 2009

Okay, so it's not the alternator. It's the battery for sure and ty-rods and something else... I can't remember what but I know it will need an alignment. It needs approx. $590 in repairs.

On a sad note our friends the Williams had to put their dog Picard to sleep. He's been declining but it was so sad to say good-bye.

I am holding on to the fact that He LOVES US! I need that reminder!

Thursday, October 08, 2009

10 hours later...

What a trip! It took 10 hours to arrive at the Williams. I was up at 6. We left at 10 a.m. Broke down twice. Thank God for AAA.

First time we broke down we were leaving Chick-fil-A. The car started but messed up when I turned on the headlights. So I turned it off (big mistake) and tried to restart. It wouldn't. So I made the most of it and kept a positive attitude. I had a really bad headache when we had stopped for lunch. I took Tylenol. It felt like a Migraine coming on. Then I smashed my head with my sunglasses on the top of my head and really hurt my head. Then I pinched my finger in the door. Then I discovered the car wasn't working.... sounds fun, huh? I kept trying and trying.

I then made some calls. Took the kids out of the car and let them run around. The kids ran in a grassy patch and we had running races. Everyone's belly was full and was in a general good mood. We kicked around a soccer ball. Samuel even helped gather discarded beer bottles. Yes, recycling on the go :)

The tow truck came super quick and was able to jump us. He had 3 small children so was very understanding. He let Samuel "help" him fix the car. He helped me gather the wipes boxes and sippy cups and put them in the car. I got all the kids back in the car. The battery is fine. It's the alternator. We couldn't use the headlights or the a.c. or the radio, etc. So the kids and I were dripping sweat and praying like crazy. So we hobbled 90 more miles and stopped again.

Laura came and met us over an hour away. Waited an hour for the tow truck. drove back over an hour to her house. My head was about to split open. The kids were boisterous and noisy. We arrived at 8 p.m. I laid on the couch to recover. When I felt like I could sit up without throwing up I got up and joined them.

Laura had made the yummiest lasagna. It was delicious. So kids are in bed. My headache is gone and I've just added another "story" to the book of my life.

So our 5 1/2 hour trip took 10 hours. The kids were amazing and cheerful. They were quick to obey. Libby has been very compassionate about my headache and told me she would pray Jesus would make it better and that I would feel better tomorrow. Samuel didn't fuss when we had to leave Chick-fil-A play place. The twins were really good. I was able to break-down in a safe place. I'm so thankful we weren't stuck on the highway! We had food. I had enough diapers. I had plenty of water/milk available and snacks. The kids ran around... So all in all an amazing day. I'm so thankful the Lord intervened and allowed for me to see my circumstances the way I did.

I'm so thankful to be safe and in bed with a full tummy and dear friends all around me. The car was towed to a mechanic that Laura knew to be reliable. He's their next door neighbor- convenient, huh?! Thank you Lord for looking out for me and my little ones!

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Choosing Light.

"Mommy, I can't find it?" Libby (my almost 5 year old) is scavenging around. She flipped on the light switch. "Oh there it is," she declares.

"Sometimes you have to turn on the light to find what you're looking for."

That was so true. Her words still linger with me. I need to to turn on the light to find what I'm looking for.

Sometimes when you're sitting in the dark as long as I've been you forget that there's any other option. You forget that there's light.

I'm learning to bring myself out of the darkness into light. Or a more accurate description is letting God's light into my darkness. Or should I say allowing His light...

My cousin a couple Christmases ago bought Libby a fantastic book called The Lightlings by R.C. Sproul and Justin Gerard.

A review from Amazon says this of the book:

We all know kids are sometimes afraid of the dark. But, did you know that some people are afraid of the light? In The Lightlings well-known theologian R. C. Sproul creates a wonderful allegory about the story of redemption. He combines the stories of Adam and Eve and the Nativity.

In Sproul's tale, the King of Light created people who loved the light and they shone brightly, as did the King. The King called his people the little lightlings. They shared in the King's company and light until they decided to disobey him and go their own way. When they did so, the light left them and they hid in the darkness. They became very afraid of the light, as they were afraid the King would find them and punish them. After much time in the darkness, a bright light appeared in the sky. Some of the younger lightlings wandered off, searching for the light. They found it, in the form of a small family, a mother, father and a newborn baby of light. The children, both fascinated and fearful of the light, stayed and worshipped the new baby. When they returned to their people, they took some of their new light with them. Those lightlings who listened and believed in the story told by the youngsters, were no longer afraid of the light.

The author quotes 1 John 1:15 at the beginning of the book: "God is Light, and in him is no darkness at all." He has also included a special section in the back of the book for parents, designed to help their children understand the story in the book and the message of salvation.

I guess what spoke to me is the reminder that we're not always afraid of the dark... but afraid of the light. Afraid of the illumination to see ourselves as we truly are.

The past several days I feel as thought I've been given a gift. I feel like the Holy Spirit is illuminating "old" truths to me. I'm seeing and understanding things I've known since I was a child in a new way.

For example, I'm figuring out what it means to be "in Christ". In things i've been listening to, reading, conversations I've had this has been a constant theme.

Being "In Christ" means that I no longer have to "try" to be perfect... I bear perfection... because it's Christ's. I bear righteousness, because it's Christ's. All the things that He IS, apply to ME because I am in Him. There's a mouthful.

I used to look at verses like Be Holy because I am Holy (1 Peter 1:16, Lev. 20:26) or another one "be perfect as I am perfect" (Matthew 5:48) and FREAK OUT. How do I be perfect or holy? Oh, I know. Try harder. Be more. Do everything "right." But I kept failing. And I would feel sick and broken hearted. This wasn't working! But I get it now... It's being Holy because He is holy... meaning because I'm in Him I can be Holy via His Holiness. What freedom! So it's not me all along- IT'S HIM! It's like a light when off inside my brain! I get it. What He's saying is YOU shall be HOLY because I AM HOLY!!!!!!!! not try to be Holy like me on your own... because then you will fail.

Another thing I've been discovering (once again) is that really... really... really... it is truly GRACE I am saved. My pastor, Eric Hughes, gave the best message I've heard in a LONG time this past Sunday. He was talking about an overview of Galations and was talking about destruction. Destruction can happen through making less of something... via blowing up, or exploding, decimating, etc. BUT destruction can happen through addition. He gave the example of a child putting his used bubble gum on a work of art estimated to be in the millions. He destroyed that work of art through addition. In the same way I destroy the masterpiece of the Gospel when I ADD to it.

I take the Masterpiece of the Gospel off the Wall and put it on the easel of my experience. I paint extra things on the Gospel. He was talking about the ways in which we do that. Oh can I implore you to listen to the message!

I saw clearly what I paint on to this Masterpiece. I paint my depression and shame onto this portrait and I think He can't reach me. My depression is too strong. I also paint my "good works" and efforts and strivings... I try and be good enough and live up and be "perfect" and "holy"... but God is gently showing me.... "Stop! Stop the painting." "Trust that my Gospel is enough! Trust that Christ's work is enough! Trust that His/My Blood can wash away your sin!"

Wait, so what about good works? What about the good fruit that comes from your life?

Are you saying I don't need to read my Bible? What about all the good things I've learned about modesty, or organization and scheduling, or praying or quiet times.... what about all that? Can I truly leave it up to God? Can I truly believe that He can save and rescue me? That I can allow His good works and perfection... His perfect life, death, and resurrection.. His swallowing up the grave and defeating the enemy, and destroying death to be enough? I don't have to add to it?

Can I trust His Holy Spirit to lead me and guide me daily instead of being bound to a to-do list and worship efficiency and productivity?

And what? Adding to it is actually destroying it? I, my friends, have been guilty of destroying the Gospel! I have added all the little "I should, I coulds, I need to do" to the Gospel.

Oh let This Faithful Painter strip my attempts at addition that have marred His Gospel. May I see it for what it is and be consumed by His goodness! That I don't do a DAMN thing... He did it. I believe it. And so it's mine.

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Reliving the Past.

It's been hard lately. A very dark time. I think my subconscious has been reliving the anniversary of incidents that took place 3 years ago. 3 years ago my son Samuel almost died. I will never forget watching him stop breathing... and watching him turn colors and yelling for a nurse and doctors exploding into the room like a bad scene from ER. Code Blue was announced through the speakers. The room was turned into an emergency ICU room. He wouldn't breathe. The doctor told me he was having death spells.

I remember almost collapsing and the doctors had to get a nurse to guide me out of the room. I started to fall apart. The doctor told me to call my husband... "Tell him, if he wants to see his son alive, he needs to get here NOW." I wanted to throw-up. What the hell was happening?

How did my little baby go from having a "normal" hospitalization to almost dying? to being flown by helicopter to a children's hospital in delaware.... to him being intubated and in the ICU for two weeks.

By God's mercy Samuel survived.... and thrived. He has been hospitalized 11 or 12 times over the course of his life but we haven't experienced anything that frightening with him since that time. They thought he would need heart surgery. He didn't. They thought he would need a trache (until he was two or 3). But he didn't. Oh the mercy of our Lord.

And yet, the sickening pain at just a memory of that time. The trauma is still there in my head. and in my heart. Another thing to give to Jesus.


The last week has been a whirlwind.

We replaced the apnea monitor because it wouldn't charge.
Samuel went to the dentist to get 3 cavities filled.
The pulmonlogist determined Michael no longer needed an apnea monitor :)
We went to the Emergency Department. Michael had a scrapbooking puffy sticker stuck in the roof of his repaired cleft palate.
Samuel had his reception for Student of the Month.
I've shampooed the furniture in the house.
Done about 6 loads of laundry.
Taught a friend how to knit.
Debi helped me to convert some tacky curtains (valance) from a Thrift Store into a trendy skirt for Libby and her friend.
Therapy, therapy, therapy.
4 hours on the phone to apply for assistance with Michael.
Mike starts teaching his Introduction to Theology class at church this Sunday.
I found a support group for Parents who have children with special needs.
Baby-shower brunch after church.

Next week:
We go to the pumpkin patch.
Libby starts ballet :)
Therapy, therapy, therapy.
(Hopefully) Caregroup.
(Hopefully) Leave for Charlotte with all 4 kids... be gone for 4 days and some change :)

Friday, October 02, 2009

Mom Video

This almost had me split a gut. It was shared with me in an e-mail and I had to pass it on because I think every mom would appreciate this.

Fall time.

This past fall we had so much fun getting to go to a pumpkin patch with Libby's school. Fafa got to go with us and we had a blast!


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I've been having a recent conversation with Mike and as it's developed I've been wondering if perhaps it's something I should share with you. This is not directed to any one person in particular but is something to be said/shared in general. You might find this applies to you in part... you might find that it doesn't- but I think it's beneficial for all to hear and hopefully will speak to you.

If you've been following the blog for a while or if you know us (in real life), you've seen lay-offs, sickness and hospital visits, multiple moves, complications in pregnancy - in short, kinda hard stuff. When its written online or on paper it seems like we could by now be used to the difficulty and "abnormality" of normal life. There certainly is a sense of relativity when it comes to crises or lifestyle adjustments (like feeding tubes). You do tend to get used to what you commonly live with.

However, the deep sense of Shalom life from before the Fall I think stays with all of us. This can manifest into an arrogant "I deserve my life to look like xyz" or a longing for the New Heavens and the New Earth that fulfills the promise of Eden - the promise that God will have his way with this world and with us; He will be our God and we will be His people obediently serving Him as co-heirs with Christ, no longer to suffer.

Sometimes it may seem as if we are very discontent with life and ungratefull for our lot. While, yes, this can be an expression of sinful discontentment (who would say that it never is?), it is just as often to us the sense of tension between the already (after the Fall life of suffering in different intensities and capacities) and the not yet (fulfilled life of New Creation glory with Christ). Sometimes we as weak humans are tempted to read the cause from the effect when the cause is much more complex than the effect.

Mike and I have noticed that there is a tendency for people to ignore our particular hardship and trials. Sometimes it's something people want to dismiss because they don't know what to say. They might want to look the other way because they don't want to think about such difficulties. They tire of shaking their heads in disbelief. Etc.

We want you to know that though our circumstances have been challenging at best it doesn't mean that they're any less difficult or real. We have NOT grown "use" to these particular sufferings. We may have grown adept at handling them. We might be calm in dealing with them. But this isn't something we just accept as the norm. I have found that at times when people share with me the sufferings of others... they might be the same hardships we're in or have been in (loss of job, children in hospital, death of a loved one, etc.) but it's as though we don't have the same circumstances and can't possibly relate. I feel tempted for people to put us in the "Well, you know it's the Napiers... or course this has happened to them." It can hurt very deeply to be ignored in this way or for there to be some kind of expectation for us to be in some particular hardship. It's as though when "bad" things" happen to us people expect it.

Suffering is a result of the fall...of sin entering this world... but I don't think we're ever supposed to grow normal to it. I don't think it's something to just see as "the way things are." It is in the sense that we can't revert to the pre-fall state. Suffering is something that changes us. It strips us of our pride and independence. It molds us more into the likeness of Christ. It's part of the life we live...but it's not what was intended. God doesn't take delight in our suffering. He is not some masochistic God who wants us to suffer. He has born our suffering. Jesus was a "man of Sorrows". He has experienced grief, sadness, betrayal, and deep suffering.
I take it back. Ian dumped hot sweet tea on me. My hair, shirt, carpet... on the therapist and on himself and Michael. He is very quick with a mug.