Showing posts from February, 2010
Libby is singing downstairs. Samuel is pretending to be a puppy. I’m hoping they won’t wake the twins up with their playing.

I’m sitting on my bed, actually more like reclining right now, and watching the sad gray sky. It looks like I feel, despondent.

I feel like a thick and heavy fog has descended upon me and won’t lift. Brokenness is something I know well. I am unable to do that which I desire. BUT lest you think God has abandoned me, think again. My hope rests in Him. Because it is not in my work or in my doing but In Christs’! He has rescued this broken, sinful woman and has made me whole. Because I am in Christ I am found perfect, spotless, whole, beautiful, redeemed, chosen, adopted, forgiven, and loved!

This damned depression is not me. It is who I am in Him! It is His work in me that will make me different. So if I do ANYTHING good it is because of HIM!

Today if I untangle my daughter’s jewelry without complaining, if I do 3loads of laundry and wash dishes and feed my …


I've broken 3 things in the past 24 hours. Unbelievable.

Sad. Distressed. Downhearted. That would be a good description of myself. I just broke the space bar on my keyboard. So that makes 4 things.

I've had two hysterical meltdowns two days in a row.


In the car I sang over and over today, "Arise, Arise, Arise, Arise my soul arise." It was a good reminder. Get out of this funk and gloom.

I ache so bad I'm afraid I will implode or lose my mind. I cry out to God... not to relieve this ache and pain that burns within but to be near and present as I walk through this fire. I just need His nearness. His steady Hand. His Hope. His promises that remain true and faithful even when I'm not.

He's not afraid of my sadness. It's not too big or too small for Him. His faithfulness covers me like a warm blanket. His arms are secure around me. He will not let me falter.

We're teaching Michael how to walk. We hold his little hands and have him practice s…

One Step Forward. Two Steps Back.

I feel like such a hypocrite. Can I just erase the previous post? Okay, so it's not that what I said was false. It's just that my mood swings are driving me crazy.

I walked into a baby shower and walked out within 10 minutes. I couldn't handle it. I thought I could. I wanted to see my friend who we were celebrating. And I didn't last. I didn't even get to say hi to her. I don't think she even knew I came.

I started crying. Not the simple crying of shedding a few tears but gut wrenching sobbing. My Aunt walked me out. I called Mike and he came back and picked me up.

I saw my friend cradling her beautiful new son in her arms and it all just came down on me at once. I imagined seeing my sister at a baby shower holding her son. I imagined the joy and laughter it would have brought. I was supposed to throw her a baby shower

You never know when these things will hit but it hit hard and with such a force that it left me breathless and aching all over. I walk…

Finding Rhythm.

I'm having a moment to breathe.

Spring is approaching but instead of the binding sadness that usually accompanies the vernal equinox I find my heart lift and warm. A little sunshine today was quite intoxicating.

I think I was actually happy (gasp) today. Happy. Like bouncing on your feet and drumming your fingers to a beat happy. I feel alive and excited. I've forgotten what this feeling was like so it's quite done me in.

I enjoyed a free lunch at McD's with a friend. The kids played and I felt myself just sit and be satisfied. Were the kids perfect today? No. Did I accomplish a ton today? No. But I just felt like I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. AND I was content.

I'm nibbling on strawberries and enjoying some Greek yogurt with honey. I just finished a hard work-out and I feel myself relaxing as I sit in Starbucks with my venti iced water and peace with myself.

The past several weeks I've slept in lately. An extra 45 minutes or so. At …

Terrible Two's.

My husband would be so proud. I'm eating sushi. And he's not even here to see it! Harris Teeter makes decent sushi when you can't get the "real deal" thing. I'm enjoying their vegetable sushi. Carrots. Avacado. Cucumber. Delish.

Well, on to my real topic of conversation. The terrible two's. Who knew it would get this bad, this early. They are getting into everything. What in the world?!

Ian got upstairs and started dumping whatever he could find at hand and throwing it down the stairs. He even got a framing kit (the kind with nails and push pins, etc.) and threw it down the stairs. Nails went flying and pushpins and tacks were scattered everywhere. I caught Michael before he put the tack in his mouth! Next he started throwing some CD's.

Michael finds baskets or bags or purses and then dumps out their contents.

I've been taking the kids to the YMCA with me. You should see me half wrestle, half corral these children into their supervision a…
Sipping on some solace. It takes the form of a cinnamon dulce latte.

Libby threw up all day Saturday but was much recovered by Sunday.

The twins are acting like 2 year olds... well, I guess they ARE only 2 months early. Ornery. Mischievous. And wonderful.

I've been doing a lot of training online for Pampered Chef. Go ahead and quiz me if you see me. I love their stuff and am excited. Great products. Great value. Great service.

Got a haircut today. I love it. Just hope I can style it like this again.

Still am in quite a funk. Hope to move past it soon. The weather is gray and dim and cheerless. Like someone sucked the color out of the world.

Well, the world may be out of sorts but I can still say "It is Well With My Soul!"

Been listening to Radiohead lately (OK Computer). Pretty Much Addicted. Especially the song "Let Down".

Well, off to see my bambinos and make dinner.

rollercoaster emotions.

Oh the emotional highs and lows.

Today was a low. Missing my sister more than words can say. Cried a lot today. I think I've been ready for bed since I got out of this morning. Just want to start over.

More aware than ever that it's not about how I feel. This too shall pass.

A poem for the Jennifer

Weary Wanderer. Plowing Ahead. What Am I planting?
Will it grow?

Tired sojourner. Rest your head. Be comforted in the knowing.

This is not the end. This is not it. You haven't arrived to the beautiful lands.
Your dry soul will be filled and your pain will be quenched.

Your seeds will sing for the sowing.

Hope in the Hope that is all in Christ. The Saviour, the All in All.

He knows your sorrows and carries them so He comforts you with his tender words.

Be not discouraged when the beauty has paled, when the sweetness withers on the vine.

He is a God who is bigger than all, He is powerful and divine.

Oh you doer who keeps on trying let go of your tired tries.

Give up this work that y…

Starting something new.

Well friends after much prayer and thought and more prayer and more thinking... I've decided...

to become a Pampered Chef Consultant!

I am so excited as I start this new endeavor. I really feel it's the next step for me to take. I know it's branching out for me. I'm excited to see what God is going to do as I begin my own business.

Mike's behind me all the way and I am excited to be able to be able to put my family first while doing something that allows me to mix business with pleasure.

So here's to a new beginning!!!!