Showing posts from January, 2008

Overwhelmed by Love...

What precious gift is this when we reach the end of ourselves, when we come to the place where we can fight no more and instead fall into the loving arms of our Saviour. How kind and good and gracious is our Lord the One who not only saves us from our sins and redeems our souls but came to give us life abundantly... and to transform us from ourselves into something more beautiful, the image of Himself, a more accurate reflection of Him.

Yesterday after a nice nap Mike and the kids and I went out. We went to Babies R'Us so I could get a maternity support belt (which is truly fabulous!) and also to get a gift for a pregnant friend's baby shower. We also went to Target and started our baby registry. What a fun thing. It got me so excited about having these little boys. I was excited at the thought of bathing them and dressing them and playing with them. It made me feel like this is really real... my pregnancy that is... that there will be little people who will come from th…

The big "D"...

I made a commitment when I first started this blog that I would be real. that I would be honest. So at the risk of being very VULNERABLE I'm going to share what's going on.

I am struggling. some of you might say, "no kidding". On top of a UTI, I also have another infection... the kind that deals with baking bread... you know what I mean. I also have been feeling crappy. very crappy. very frustrated, tired, anxious, overwhelmed, and tearful.

I think I have been driving Mike crazy because I've been very withdrawn, distant, and closed. I feel like my head is in a fog and that I'm shutting down. We had a good talk tonight. I think I was actually able to explain my feelings not only to him but to myself. He was saying something to the affect of trying to understand me and wanting to know what the real issue was, the bottom line.

So I said it. I dropped the "D" bomb.

"I think I'm depressed."

There it was said. It has been spoken. As …

All is well.

All is well. We're home now. The hospital was a WONDERFUL experience. I could not have had a kinder nurse and a mid-wife from my practice was there. I felt so cared for. They were glad I came in and encouraged me to come in or call at anytime with questions or concerns. My body is mildly contracting which is not comfortable but they are NOT progressive contractions. I am not dilated or effaced. My cervix is firm, closed and shut! Praise God.

They were able to detect both babies heartbeats on the monitor and we had fun watching them on ultrasound just kicking and hanging out. They were moving so much it even got the nurse and mid-wife laughing.

There are a couple things that could be triggering the contractions. Endo-muscular skeletal stuff. The babies could be destroying my pelvic area (causing pain)... or a urinary tract infection (UTI). Did anyone know that a UTI can trigger contractions? I sure didn't... but I'm taking them a little more seriously now. They…

Be anxious for nothing.

I just wanted everyone to know that I'm on the way to the hospital. I need to find out what's going on with my body. I've been having some abdominal pain since Sat. night and MILD but persistent contractions. We're hoping it's not significant and that they will send me home but I don't know what's going to happen right now. We'll be in labor and delivery E.R. at Chestnut Hill hospital up here in PA. Please pray for me if you think of it. I also need to prepare to get the kids places.

I am just trying to remind myself to be anxious for nothing right now.

Hope to write soon and say all is well. sorry we couldn't call.

He lights my fire...

this morning was a bit more eventful than I expected. We woke up (normal) and were enjoying the day. We decided to skip the earlier church service and go to the later one... so I went back to bed. Samuel and I were both napping when all of a sudden in my dream I hear this weird noise. But it's part of the dream... and then I realize, no, this is a real sound. I woke up and the alarm is going off and the lights are flashing.

My darling husband was making breakfast for me. Instead of the griddle he was using the pan to make "eggs in the nest" and things got a little smoky. Thankfully I had enough time to throw on clothes and gather the kids to me BEFORE the firemen showed up. UP they came, several of them. They opened a couple more windows and I talked with them and explained what had happened. Libby was really excited about the fire-men. she was all dressed up in a princess costume and they were really sweet and kind to her. I was very thankful that Libby had a…

Perfectionism.... why it's bad.

Dear friends,

In case you're still getting to know me and haven't discovered this awful tendency of mine... I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist. Does this mean I have an orderly home? no. Does this mean I have the perfect figure? no. Does this mean I have the best trained children? no. What it means is simply this... my heart CRAVES control. I want things to be perfect. I want to be the best I can be. Sometimes I feel like a G.I. Joe- Be all that you can be... But God in His mercy does not allow me to have things the way I want them. Why, you might ask? Because, if I did, I wouldn't need Him. Well, of course I would still need Him, but I wouldn't know it.

In watching my daughter Libby I so often see my own heart. She is extremely tender and sensitive and aware of when she messes up. I have to be careful in my tone of voice and how how I say what I say to her. If she knocks something over I need to be careful to not over re-act because she takes it into he…


How to have the perfect bath.

1.) Epsom Salts

2.) Aveeno stress relief foaming bath

3.) Candles

4.) Music

5.) Pumice Stone and Nail Brush

6.) Sleeping Children

7.) A good book.

8.) Chocolate.

Baths have been one of the true comforts this pregnancy. there is nothing like submerging in the bubbles and reading a good book till I feel drowsy. Such a calming thing. I love the Aveeno Stress Relief Foaming Bath product. It has lavender, chamomile, and ylang-ylang. So relaxing.

Lately though, I haven't been very relaxed. I've been tired and cranky and chasing toddlers and saying the word "NO" at least a hundred times a day. Samuel is climbing on top of everything. I have to watch him like a hawk. He's napping at the moment so I think I might attempt a nap myself if Libby will let me.

born 2 be wild!

How many boys do you see in this picture?

I see 3!

We found out today that we have some more little men on the way. Actually our first view of them was that they were punching each other. Through the course of the ultrasound we saw waving, tap-dancing, Baby A patting Baby B on the head, and them trying to entangle their legs. Baby A definitely wants all the attention and will squish his little brother to get it! Yes, boys, this means a lot more testosterone... and probably some boys who are going to eat us out of house and home when they're teens! My mom used to threaten me that I would have a lot of boys, especially when I was unkind to my brother Christopher. Looks like it's happening :)

I am excited and very overwhelmed. Samuel has been into EVERYTHING lately and so I'm kind of scared at the prospect of having two more boys... can we say double trouble?! Well, I guess Libby will be copying me soon with putting her hands on her hips and shouting, "BOYS!" …

Kickin' it.

I love feeling the babies move. It has been many weeks of feeling fluttery type movement but it's only been recently I've been feeling good kicks. I love rubbing my tummy and feeling them respond. They are so precious to me.

Tomorrow is the big day- I am so excited to find out the twin's genders. Mike is taking the whole afternoon off to be with me. I am looking forward to some time alone with him.

Can I just brag on my husband a little... He is the BEST! I don't know what I would do without his patient love and care for me. Mike is great at caring for the kids. He gets up with them at night. He gets up in the morning and gets them breakfast. He is quick to help me change diapers, get them dressed, get us to church (or wherever we're going). He's wonderful about carrying groceries into the apartment. He's fantastic at doing dishes and picking up. He does the laundry. He makes meals. He is super man. I am so in love with him. He is my best fri…

The Things They Say...

Yesterday, while Libby was working on being potty-trained. she said some funny stuff. She asks for the "paper toilet" when she's all done. She was excited when she put some of her peeps in the potty. she looked up at me and said, "Mommy, I twinkled!"

At home group we take turns rotating who watches the kids (there are a lot of kids in our group). During my shift one of the boys who is no more than 5 or 6 asked me where my babies were. I pointed to my tummy and told him they were still in there. He looked aghast, "Did you eat them?" I couldn't help but laugh.

Our original plan for the day was to go to the zoo... but seeing as it "feels" like it's 6 degrees out we're passing on that and taking the kids to the mall to ride the carousel... Libby is so excited! She can't wait to go to "Pennsylvania" (that's what she thinks the mall is called.

Oh the things they say...


Okay, this is really, really, really ridiculous. I am avoiding the one thing I am supposed to be doing right now... which is working on an article that is due, um, tomorrow. What am I doing instead you might ask? Well, let me tell you. Checking every blog known to mankind and following people's links to links to links. Checking my e-mail... just in case. Coming up with other things that I "need" to do. Thinking about making a root beer float and soaking in the tub. The kids are in bed. Mike is out having some time to himself. There are no true distractions and here I sit posting on my blog because well, I'm post-poning.

Truth is I have writer's block. Can I whip up a meaningful article? I don't know. I actually wrote it already but it's really, really bad and needs some serious help and well, I don't know how to help it. I'm wondering if I should scrap the whole thing and write something from the heart. Ashleigh, if you're readi…

It's Time to Announce...

Okay, most of you are aware of this but we're finally saying what's going on....

We're (kids and I) moving during Mike's spring break down to VA. His spring break is from the 15-24th of March. So some time during the week we're heading out. Mike will be traveling back on the week-ends and his school term ends May 15th. After he finishes this semester he has two more classes in the fall and he will commute back up to Philly for a couple days each week. Obviously if the twins come before he's finished with this semester this will also change things.

It wasn't until we found out that we're having twins that we realized that there might be a need to move back to VA. I will be in a place where I will need some serious help considering that I will be on bed-rest, might have potential hospitalization, chance of C-section, etc. With two toddlers it's hard to rest, so having family and friends and people from the church around us will be a huge blessing…

New Look.

A new day. A new look. I thought it was time to update my blog a little. I've been throwing up again but I think it might be more pregnancy related than sick related. Libby and I have been hanging out on the bed while Samuel naps. Here's a picture for you. Unfortunately, I can't remember the last time I washed my hair...

Tulips for Libby.

My day was okay today. I had Bible Study and the kids did well and both really enjoyed themselves. After lunch we all took a nap and I woke before the other two giving me sometime to eat a snack and think. The kids and I went out and ran some errands and then came the first trigger.

We walked into the grocery store and Libby pointed out the flowers and there they were....tulips. I took a quick breath in. It's that time of year again. When the tulips come out in the store it's the first sign to me that I'm getting closer to March.

Later as we were driving past a cemetery Libby asked one of her most frequently asked questions, "What are those?" I told her they were gravestones. I couldn't say any more about or explain what they were. Thankfully she didn't ask she just repeated, "Gravestones." A tear leaked out.

We went to Trader Joe's and their tulips were $4.99 and I couldn't resist. I picked up some beautiful white tulips and sm…


The snow is falling so beautifully. Large, thick snowflakes. Tiny delicate ones. They keep floating or flying by the window. covering the ground with innocent white powder and landing on the tree branches coating them with winter beauty. I am loving it. I'm sitting in bed watching the snow and about to have some hot cocoa...

I'm praying it snows all day and night and that maybe Mike won't have work tomorrow and we can take the kids out in the snow and then snuggle in our big bed and watch a movie as a family.

Right now the world seems enchanting.

And then it happened..........

A friend called so I left Samuel on the bed watching cars to grab the phone. She was bringing dinner tonight. And as I'm on the phone I hear a loud CRASH!!!!!!!!!!

Samuel had knocked over my bedside table. The hot chocolate went flying. The coke went flying. The water went flying. It crashed into my bedroom door and was all over the carpet, my container of earplugs, the Maalox bottle. …

This day.

Sniffly. Sniffle. Sniffle.

I ab a colb. Translation: I have a cold.
Bobby is sick. Translation: Mommy is sick.

I'm sitting in bed drinking orange juice. I've cleaned up throw up twice today. Just as Libby was putting on her jacket to go to school and her ride called to say she was on her way Libby told me. "Mommy, my cough-er's comin'" This means she is about to throw up. I grab a bowl.

Today I feel a mite bit cursed. Last night I was feeling a little too happy. Our bedroom is in order. Meaning the bedroom. Meaning the closet in our bedroom and our dressers and our bookshelves. And under the bed. Everything. It looks great.

I thought today would be great. But it's been lousy. It teaches me that I tend to place my hope in certain things and not in God. Like I thought if my room was clean everything would be okay. My life would be perfect. The truth is that whatever it is we think is's not. We finally lose…

Large as a Barge!

I had to do this. I needed you all to see a picture of why I'm so tired and feeling so LARGE!!!! Okay, I'm 19 weeks today. I went to my dear friend and editor's blog (Ashleigh) and saw her cute pregnancy pic and thought. Ha, if I was only half that cute! Instead I want to show you why I'm feeling MONDO!

I know there's two in there but good grief, right!

Keep on running.

I think if you were to look up perserverance in the dictionary it would say something about one being persistent in caring for and cleaning up your kids after they get sick. Libby threw up all over our bed this morning...again. Needless to say the washing machine has been our best friend as of late.

Actually Perservance according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary means: the action or condition or an instance of persevering : steadfastness.

The Bible talks about perservance in this way.

Galatians 6:9 says, "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

2 Thessalonians 3:13 says, "As for you, brothers, do not grow weary in doing good."

I know Winston Churchill was talking about something else when he said, "Never, ever give up!" But right now I'm taking those words as encouragement for the moment.

But I do feel weary. Right about now I'd like to be transported to an island and just sit in the sun or should …

More bugs.

Last night at 3 a.m. Libby walked into the room saying, "I swallowed" which meant she threw up. She preceeded to throw up four more times over the next several hours. Mike got up and started washing her pajamas, her bedding, our bedding, etc. She and I got into the bathtub (she didn't want to be in it alone) and I washed her hair.

Today she threw up some more. I let Libby & Mike take a nap and Samuel and I went out to do errands this afternoon. Our last errand was in the grocery store. I picked up the last item and then it happened. Samuel threw up all over himself, the cart, and the food in the cart. After much cleaning up (including buying paper towels we didn't need except for that moment) we came home... I walked in to find Libby having just finished throwing up on the carpet.

Needless to say I've been a bit queasy. Mike is under the weather. Tomorrow he has work from 8- 6. I just feel close to my wit's end.

The cutest thing that happened th…

Our wee little adventure.

Well, I guess doing "nothing" doesn't work well in our house :)

Libby and I went out this morning and gave the boys a rest. We went to Starbucks & then to Target for sippy cups. It was a great morning. We came back to get Mike and Samuel and were off to Chick-fil-A...well, we could only make it through the drive-thru, eat in the car, and get into the movie theater to reserve seats...good thing we ended up getting full quick.

I prayed through the previews that there would be nothing too scary and the movie commenced. 20 minutes later we had to leave. Samuel wanted to climb around on the stairs, not stay in our laps and Libby was begging to go home. It wasn't that the movie was bad but I think it was loud and not very "Veggie Tale-ish"...a little more mature than a 3 year old and almost 2 year old could handle.

So we got our money back and headed to ColdStone to celebrate our family day. Libby and I got in line and Mike and Samuel snatched a …

We Don't Do Anything!

Today is a very special day in our household. We are taking the kids to see their first movie in the theaters. We are seeing the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything (Veggie Tales movie). They are so excited and Libby has been dragging around a magazine that has the ad for the movie in it. She doesn't get the concept though that we have to wait and see it in the theater.

We had decided for Samuel's birthday (which isn't until Feb. 16th) to see this movie but realized that they decided to release the movie earlier than expected. The tickets are purchased already and I am eagerly waiting to see what they're going to think. Did I mention we're also having lunch at Chick-fil-A. This is going to be a super-fun family day.

After being sick and Samuel being sick and Libby having a fever last week-end and Mike being a little under the weather I think this will be a fun respite.

Hope your Saturday has some joy in it.

The Bug.

Yesterday I woke up vomiting. This is a horrible thing. I had spent the night restless and nauseous but could make myself fall back asleep before I threw up. I was horribly and violently ill yesterday. The kind of ill that even getting to watch movies or reading a book isn't even pleasurable- that bad. Mike stayed home from work to care for the kids and his extremely DEMANDING wife. He really is the best. Patient. Quick to serve. He even bought me some Hostess Chocolate Cupcakes to coax my body into wellness...not that I can eat one yet, but it was a really sweet thought. He and Libby went out and bought soup, gingerale, saltine crackers, etc. Libby came in as I was hovering over the toilet with some red roses "for MAMA!" They're in my bedroom.

Well, today I don't feel like death warmed over but my tummy is very, very raw and I still feel a bit crappy.

Psalms 63: 5-8 says,
"My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
and my mouth will prai…

Survival Mode.

Dear friends,
In case you're wondering why I haven't commented on your blog... I have been reading your blogs but have no energy to comment...or maybe it's that I have nothing whitty to say. And if you don't have anything whitty to say, then don't say anything at all.

Several people as of late have spoken to me (& Mike) about survival mode. They say this is the mode we're in and that it's going to increase with the twins. I understand that things are going to be tough. I understand that I might have weeks (or months) where I cry at least once a day. But does that mean I can't have joy too? Does this mean I am destined to depression, blues and anxiety?

I keep coming to the Scripture: Romans 8:31-39

31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against tho…

No exercise for you!

The verdict is in. The doctor said no, absolutely no exercise. Not even light walking for 20 minutes or pre-natal pilates. It was one of those questions I wanted to ask about. So I did. Which is good. I just thought I would have a little longer to exercise. Earlier I thought it was somewhat I'm not so sure!

I am EXHAUSTED like all of a sudden every bit of energy has been evaropated from my body. I just want to lay in bed and have someone take care of me, and um, I'm only 18 weeks pregnant. In this moment I am tempted to fear and wonder how the heck am I going to make it... right now I can't look at next month or even next week or even tomorrow... I'm literally thinking okay, I cna make it through this moment. And in less than 45 minutes Mike should be home- Praise Jesus. I think my pregnancy has all of a sudden hit me with renewed force- the twins must be on a growth spurt or something...I am nauseous and weak and BLAH. I don't think I could get the kids…

Quick trip.

Yesterday we went to Fairfax to see my friend Kelsey. Mike had picked up some friends early that morning from the airport and then came back to the house. We all got ready, stopped at Starbucks for some caffeine and headed off on our 3 hour tour.

it was a great day. Mike was really gracious to let me have some one-on-one time with Kels. I just enjoyed getting to hang out with my friend and hear what's going on with her and play catch-up.

The trip back it started raining but thankfully the traffic wasn't too bad. Mike and I witnessed a horrific accident that happened right in front of us. A really fast car all of a sudden seemed to cross all 4 lanes of traffic and spin out of control. I have no idea how no other car was hit. It was very sobering to watch and I must confess my adrenaline was pumping and I had a hard time relaxing after that. I hate car accidents. It always brings up my sister. The thought even occurred to me that if we were that car I would probably have lost the…

"F"- From Failure to Faithfulness.

There are some days where I feel like a big, fat failure. This would be one of those days. I feel I've been so impatient and angry...and I don't even know why. Even the smallest irritations have become large grievances in my mind. I felt I could hardly even handle today. I just wanted to turn in my "mommy badge" and lay on the bed and sleep. I wanted to quit. It's hard to be reminded in these moments that there is grace for this. Instead of grace I just want a baby-sitter. I laugh when I think that there are two more coming.

It didn't end like a bad day though. I cleaned the house for several hours. The kitchen is clean and the living room is manageable and the kids room is practically perfect. Samuel had therapy. Mike and I took the kids to IHOP. We received a gift card for Christmas and it was fun to get to talk with Mike and the kids enjoyed eating and were peaceful. We had a quick Target run and then headed home. Samuel had thrown up in the car so Mike'…

The Face Scratcher.

Samuel got me today. He got me good. Those tiny nails are so sharp! He clawed completely across my face and got the corner of my eye. Blah. What a day. It's bitter cold and I do NOT want to have to go out again. I took Mike to work and came home and fed the kids and got them dressed and dropped Libby off at school. Tiger boy leapt into action...he was so angry that I made him leave Libby's class... not that I really blame him. She has a toy castle in there and a train table and so many fun things to play with. That's where he got me.

Well, I'm practicing resting by eating popcorn and reading in bed... Dang, I just burnt my popcorn...Oh well, at least I have another hour and a half to rest and there's more popcorn to cook, this time without burning it :) Should I come up with a cool story of what happened... anybody got one?

Heat & Reheat...blah, blah, blah

This morning was peaceful. I awoke to my husband attending the kids before he headed out to work. He bought me an extra precious hour of rest- thank you Mike! I spent an hour and a half chatting with my dear friend Kelsey. She was supposed to be visiting this week but is taking care of her grandmother who has been having serious health problems. I am glad Kelsey is choosing to serve but must confess my disappointment that I don't get to have her around. She's a joy to be with.

Anyway, about this morning. I was on the phone with Kelsey and managed to make myself a cup of tea. This tea, this one cup, has been heated and reheated throughout the day. I start doing dishes and it gets cold so I reheat. I am reading Libby from her favorite children's Bible, reheat again. I get Samuel up and feed him... reheat. Oh this poor cup of tea that longed to be drunk in one sitting has faced multiple rooms and tasks and the microwave again and again. But why you might ask do …