Showing posts from March, 2012

Good news.

For those who don't follow on caringbridge (

Here is what I just posted...

We had the CT scan this morning very early... and now a little after four in the afternoon we have the results. There doesn't seem to be any evidence of disease! Praise the Lord. 

One of his lungs is a little deflated but that seems due to all of his respiratory issues he seems to have going on- mucous, asthma, cough, etc.
So we're good for another 3 months...
Very grateful.
I just posted on my caringbridge site here.
Please pray that Samuel's scan in the morning will continue to show no evidence of disease.

Samuel's Scan tomorrow.

We have had some super sick kids. Fevers. Vomiting. Coughing... actually more like barking like seals. Friday I took the boys in to the pediatricians and they got chest x-rays. No pneumonia... yay. But they did need oral steroids.

Sunday evening I took Michael to the E.R. and we got home in the wee hours of the morning. He had been having sharp abdominal pains which was rather worrisome especially given the fact that was the start for Samuel that led to his diagnosis. Michael was really constipated. Thankfully things are much better now.

Michael and Samuel have had to stay home from school all week though because they're still hacking.

Tomorrow is a big day for Samuel. We leave very early in the morning to take him to CHKD for a CT scan and a follow up appt. with his oncologist.

My friend Nathalie recently wrote a very beautiful post on her blog that describes so much of how I feel... this waiting game that I often feel I am in. She describes it much better th…

Buttered Bed & other stories of my life

Mike went on a trip a week ago. I was thankful that he got the opportunity to spend time with a very dear friend. He had some time to decompress, download and get some refreshment. My job was to hold down the fort.

The night before he left I got some weird, strange tummy bug (something I ate?) and proceeded to be sick through the middle of the night. It wasn't a great way to start his absence. Getting kids to school and picking them up. Sleep-overs. Medical appointments. Errands. Library book sale. Church.

I got these weird urges at night to organize and clean.... closets... pantry, etc. I tried to get to sleep "early" most nights so I can manage the kids "well-rested". My nights were restless and I found myself tossing and turning.

By Sunday I was getting a little desperate and crazy. The dog had puked all over my bed, peed on Samuel's bed and pulled apart a favorite toy. The boys were eating gum and candy for breakfast. Libby was so sweet to prepare Engli…

God's promises

Lately, I have been struggling to remind myself of God's truth. I have been very fearful about Samuel lately. His stomach has been bothering him almost every time after he eats. I have to try and stay calm. He's also had a lot of pain with potty issues too. So immediately what comes to mind is what happened when Samuel was first diagnosed. It's uncomfortable to think that way.

I know it's more likely than not (statistically) that Samuel's cancer will return. Yet, I hold on... praying and hoping that the Lord will eradicate any cancer cells from his body.

I must confess the thought of going through what we just went through with his treatment of almost 15 months... well, I shudder to consider going through that again.

I am trying to fix my eyes off the statistics, off the symptoms, even off Samuel and onto the Lord. May I trust Him with my whole heart. I know that God is in control and that He has good things for us. Yet, I know it doesn't guarantee a specific ou…
Just so you know the Lord did hear my prayer. I finished my work yesterday and it was due today. Yippee. Phew. Nothing like a deadline to create some motivation. In all sincerity I am so thankful the Lord helped me to keep on...

Writer's Block.

I thought I was a writer. I thought I had a gift. But as I sit here wracking my brain to write this article that is due Tuesday... I feel stumped.
I have writer's block... and this is really good.
I'm once again reminded that I must cast myself on Jesus. I need the illumination of the Holy Spirit. I can't do this apart from Him. And instead of a blank page as I have now... or pages of jumbled words, feelings, and confusion that I have already written... but when it all comes together... it will be the Lord's work.
I'm writing about Samuel. And I find myself unable to write because I'm crying. And I feel sick in my gut. And I feel unable to move forward. The bile creeps up the back of my throat... and I swallow... the acid burns. But I feel my heart is refluxing more than my stomach.
How do I share a story about Samuel without being so bombarded by my emotions? I can hardly think in my head. It's fuzzy... blurry... About to swallow me up.

Sweet Sorrow.

9 years ago my sister was married. Yesterday, March 7th, marks 8 years since my sister went home to the arms of Jesus. It's another "heaven birthday" as I like to think of it.
It feels somewhat surreal. A couple days ago I was feeling edgy and irritable all day and I couldn't really put a finger on what was bugging me. And as I was washing the dishes and trying to pinpoint where my angst was coming from it hit me. I'm grieving. I really miss my sister. And my body, like clockwork recognizes this time of year. It knows the season. My very bones have recorded the pain of when I lost my sister.
The light is the same. Every March I see the sun setting and see the same light that I saw after her funeral. It's strange how the light changes throughout the year. And once again we've traveled around the sun and we're back to springtime. 
I used to be angry in March. Things were coming to life. Buds on trees. Spring's arrival. Reminders of new life. New birth.…


I think I've begun to appreciate something anew. People, especially Moms just want to be understood. We want to be accepted. We're overworked, overwhelmed, overscheduled, over processed, overwrought. 
We care too much what others think of us: our friends, our neighbors, our mothers, our children's teachers & therapists and doctors, our husbands; and we are so afraid to fail. We fear making a single mistake. We MUST NOT FAIL! We overthink what we feed our kids, what our children do, where and what our children play with. We're anxious, freaked-out, controlling, neurotic and obsessive.
So here's my challenge. Let's surrender. Give it to the Lord. Lay it at his feet. Tell him our concerns, our worries and ask Him to fill us with His Spirit and for a peace that surpasses all understanding. Rest in the grace of belonging to Him. He alone knows. He knows us intimately. He knows our children intimately. He knows our husbands intimately.
We can let go of the expectati…

A typical day.

I just posted about how I'm doing with giving up sugar on my other blog Fearfully & Wonderfully Made.

These past couple of weeks have been interesting. Sick kids with stomach bugs. Fresh coughs and colds. Mike working at night. Mike working in the day. Mike working at night.

We are so thankful for work. It's not necessarily a permanent situation right now but we are trusting God in His provision. He continues to be faithful. I shouldn't be surprised but I find myself regularly marveling at how God meets our needs. We do NOT lack.

The kids are growing. Stumbling. Tripping. Falling. Eating. Playing. Running. Chasing. Throwing. Kicking. Hitting. Loving. Forgiving.

My days are very full. And very long. A lot of mornings begin at 5:30. Sometimes earlier. Sometimes later. Libby, Samuel, and Michael get ready for school and we have lunches packed and backpacks ready. We get in the car to drive to the end of the driveway (it's a half a mile long) at 6:25.

And now I'm l…