I thought I was a writer. I thought I had a gift. But as I sit here wracking my brain to write this article that is due Tuesday... I feel stumped.
I have writer's block... and this is really good.
I'm once again reminded that I must cast myself on Jesus. I need the illumination of the Holy Spirit. I can't do this apart from Him. And instead of a blank page as I have now... or pages of jumbled words, feelings, and confusion that I have already written... but when it all comes together... it will be the Lord's work.
I'm writing about Samuel. And I find myself unable to write because I'm crying. And I feel sick in my gut. And I feel unable to move forward. The bile creeps up the back of my throat... and I swallow... the acid burns. But I feel my heart is refluxing more than my stomach.
How do I share a story about Samuel without being so bombarded by my emotions? I can hardly think in my head. It's fuzzy... blurry... About to swallow me up.
So I stop. I sit. I pray. I write.
God, help me. Help me to express my story as a Mom walking through her child having cancer. help me to communicate truth... and the Gospel. Help me to be a light to others. May you be glorified in my life... in my writing.. in my words. Help me to comfort other mothers who are walking through trusting their children with you. Who are struggling to cast their cares on you. Who doubt that you could love their children more than they do. Lord, you are faithful. You will not abandon or forsake me. My hope is in you. Whether this article is written or not... You are good. You are powerful. Please don't let me get in the way of what you want to do. Thank you for the gifts you have given me... may they bring you honor. And Jesus, as I write... let me know, that I write for an audience of One.
In Your Name I pray, the Name above all Names, Jesus Christ ... Amen.
Just because I prayed doesn't mean the words are magically pouring from my fingertips as I type... but this is in the Lord's hands.
And now, back to the work I need to complete...