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Showing posts from February, 2009

Wearing Layers.

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I'm not talking about clothing. I'm talking about layers of grief. Very thin and thick layers.... one on top of the other. I can't seem to bear it right now... I feel suffocated by loss.

I keep thinking of my sister... and I'm so happy that she's in Heaven. That she's with Jesus. But I'm still here. And I still sin and struggle... and just wish at times that I could be on the other side of this and be with her... and see God face-to-face. My time has yet to come. Someday... until then there is a sadness that creeps onto me and won't let go. Sometimes it's in seeing something that reminds me of her... or hearing news about a friend of hers... or just realizing how quickly life is changing for others... and yet I can feel so stuck. Things haven't changed in regards to her. She's gone. And she's not coming back. I see people have problems and issues and they cry out to God and over time things seem to change... relationships are …

Our Big 3 year old.

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part of the fan club
Sam W.- isn't he a cutie!

Jack W - aren't they good-looking kids!
opening his favorite gift
that we play with all the time.
dino-roars!
The party bag
the cupcakes- thank you FAF!
Libby- reminding us of her princess party... oh, only 10 times.
my favorite 4 & 3 year old.
Libby and Samuel!
The Birthday Boy!


My dear Samuel is 3. His birthday was on the 16th of this month. We went to Chick-fil-A and had a great time eating chicken, running around and munching cupcakes. It was a great little party.

I remember the day he was born... He was born at 7:07 in the morning and I was only able to give him a quick kiss before they whisked him away. I didn't see him again until after 7:30 that night. It was hard to be patient. My first boy.

Samuel you are such a joy. You were worth every minute pre-term labor, bed-rest, every hospitalization (all 10+ of them.)

I love seeing the little boy you're becoming. Your excitement over life. Your passion for cars, dinosaur…

Blueberries gone wild.

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My intelligent cutie.

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I'm too smart for this mom!
A little like grandma.
very cool.

You put the class in glass...

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*


Update on Michael.

Well our littlest one is getting glasses. he will probably have them in by the end of this week. In addition his helmet is now made... we just have to make an appointment to pick it up and try it on him. So Michael is going to have a helmet and glasses probably at the same time. He'll look like a little intelligent rocket man.

Will post a picture soon.

*copyright of coolbabieswearglasses.org

A good day.

I've been feeding Ian with one hand and typing e-mails (hen-pecking) with the other. I'm carrying a child on one hip while unloading the dishwasher. Baking muffins while writing a to-do list. Cleaning the bathroom while taking a shower. Having my quiet time while in the rest-room. Folding laundry while talking on the phone. Rocking a baby in their car-seat with one foot while reading a book. It's all about multi-tasking.

But I love the days where I just let myself free flow. It's the days that are more like my writing style... random, loose, and definitely unstructured. I've never been a formal writer. Definitely casual. And the days where I'm casual I find that I can let the dishes pile in the sink. I can sit with Libby and stamp cards with her for an hour. I leave the blocks on the floor and instead snuggle my son while watching a Veggie Tales movie. I don't wipe down the high chair instead I check my e-mail. Hug a child. Or write some letters.

I lo…

On Rats, Starbucks & help wanted.

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My husband is amazing. Do you know that he can kill rats?! He can. He had an epic battle recently that I'm not going to relay in full detail but you just need to know... he's pretty awesome... and can kill rats. We've had too much exposure recently to the "rat race" so to speak. They've made themselves too much at home here in our home. I've dealt with mice before but rats are taking me to a whole new level. I keep having visions of Lady and the Tramp... you know the rat about to attack the baby in the crib. Not rattatouille... which is a cute Disney movie. But you tell me how cute it is when a rat runs across your living room floor in the midst of therapists being at the house.... gulp. Thankfully I haven't seen many... this was just the second time... and hopefully the last.

For those of you who know me you probably know I love coffee. Yes, it's true. Mostly espresso based beverages like mochas, lattes, and the occasional blended beve…

Blah!

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So Mike and I are both sick, exhausted and miserable. Nothing like having two parents down for the count when you have 4 kids. I'm feeling grumpy and unstable and an emotional wreck. The calm I had been feeling is gone down the drain. But that's the good thing about not trusting in your feelings. Feelings are fickle. Thankfully truth stays the same. It doesn't change. It doesn't waiver. And that's my hope.. it's in the Lord- in His unfailing love, grace, and mercy. And that He will keep me mindful of His truth even on the days I don't "feel it".

Michael's surgery has been scheduled for March 12th and we're trying to figure out if we should reschedule it or not... it was the day my sister was buried. I'm not really feeling up for it on that day... but we'll see. We're also working through some concerns regarding hearing, seeing and movement. The temptation is to become fearful and think the worst but we'll see.…

The kind of mom...

What kind of a mom am I?

The kind that has cheerios on her shirts, socks, and occasionally in undergarments.
The kind that has to give medication several times a day to several different children.
The kind that doesn't get good sleep.
The kind that does Pilates while being attacked by dinosaurs and training while trying to hold abdominal stretches.
The kind whose phone hasn't worked properly for 3 months....
The kind who hadn't showered in 6 days.
The kind that makes heart waffles at least twice a week.
The kind that alternately loves and hates K-love. Can John and Sherry really be that cheerful in real life?
The kind that just recently has lost a total of 6 pounds after 5 weeks...
The kind that has 30+ appointments this month (therapist/specialist/doctor)
The kind that cries at least once a day.
The kind that lets her kids color/draw/paint a minimum of five times a week.
The kind that has to take her kids to the pulmanologist ,GI, cardiologist, neurologist, behavioral audiologist, op…

Thirst.

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I have recently put my copy of Streams in the Desert on the bathroom window ledge. I have found that it has been a great source of encouragement. So when I get a minute, (somehow I find it in every day), I go to the bathroom. And when I do I take the time to read the day's devotion. I have found the past two days most encouraging. Especially as I've struggled with grief lately. And also being reminded God is in control of my circumstances and He cares about them.

"Grieve not for things you have seemed to miss.." This might be the most applicable for me. I have struggled with sadness over the things I feel I have missed. Not having the most easy of pregnancies (being on bed-rest for months at a time). Not having money to do or buy certain things for my children or home. Not having healthy children. Moving 5 1/2 times in 5 years. Not ever being able to be with my sister again, here on earth. Not parenting the way I wanted. ETC. But when I stop to realize that the…