And then I realized. I was jumping into old habits. Emotional intensity leads to sugar bingeing for me. I was eating my emotions and stress. I couldn't let go of the tension so I thought I could eat my way through it. I stopped.
I drank a glass of water and flooded my body with the nutrients of over 30 fruits and vegetables. I made myself a Complete Smoothie and I paused to thank God for opening my eyes and stopping my destructive patterns.
But I was gone this past weekend and I wasn't sure how big the site looked originally... and yesterday it appeared to be bigger. I took a picture and sent it to Mike (who is out of town).... he agreed. Looked bigger.
And Samuel was limping. And crying. And it re-triggered so much of those first days leading to his cancer diagnosis. So I called the docs and got him in.
And I waited. All freaking day long. Thankfully I had the blessing of being distracted by my wonderful hairdresser, who I told, "Cancer or not, we're going to do this with our hair looking awesome!" She agreed. (Kristen, you are my rock star!) It takes an amazing and special person to cut hair for 6 people... (5 kids and me).
My heart was tempted to despair. I was tempted to be overwhelmed by fears of my future. I was scared of being shaken. We've come so far. We've worked so hard. We've climbed out of this slimy pit... okay, more like God dragged us out... and I was afraid we'd slide back in.
I kept having to remind myself to breathe.
And then God.
God in His mercy kept giving me peace. He kept reminding me to take my thoughts captive. I reached out to others and asked for prayer. And they prayed. I cried out to God, entrusting Him again and again with the life of my son, knowing that He is ultimately God's.
I don't know why I got good news. The dreaded demon we called cancer is not present!
I'm praising God. For sustaining and for giving life to us.
And I'm thankful for His wisdom in creating fruits and vegetables. We've been flooding our bodies with the concentrated nutrients of fruits and vegetables for over 8 months now. And I see a difference. Difference in skin, hair, nails. Difference in immunity. Difference in respiratory. Difference in what foods my kids crave... they want fruits and veggies. They drink water more than ever. We've been eliminating sugar from our diets... making one simple change at a time.
So yes, I still have to slay the sugar dragon. It still looms large to devour me. But Christ in me is overcoming. The Holy Spirit is empowering me and I'm not the same woman I used to be. I'm a new creation in Christ.
My story is being re-written. It's a powerful story and a good one. And it's not over yet.