Posts

Showing posts from March, 2017

When all you see is failure...

Image
When all I could see was my failure.

The panic sets in. The crushing waves pour over me. Failure. Failure. Failure. This vague condemnation drowning me.

This morning I see so many shortcomings. I should have worked more on this. I am failing my kids in that. The laundry hasn't been done. Which means the kids are wearing dirty clothes to therapy.  I didn't help one of them do the homework this week for therapy and so was given  the disapproving look. I forgot the thing I was supposed to return. And my list of to-dos exceed the confines of time. And I feel paralyzed.

And the fear that haunts me most whispers in my ear... "I'm not enough"

And I'm not.
In and of myself I'm not enough.

My hope must come from something better, something bigger and something greater than me.

I need Jesus.

I need someone who is perfect and sinless to rescue me. Jesus who knows what it is to be human. Jesus who knows what it is to be broken, exhausted and overextended. Jesus who ho…

The Mysterious Gift of Special Needs.

Image
I was always afraid of having a child with special needs. 

I might have been 11 or 12.  I remember looking into the eyes of a little boy I watched at a summer camp called Helping Hands. He was beautiful- Sweet boy. Wonderful smile. And completely blind.

I looked around the camp and saw children with all sorts of disabilities around me. Wheelchairs. Orthotics. Unable to talk. Unable to hold their bodies upright.

And fear gripped my heart.

I remember being afraid of what I couldn't understand.

My Mom taught preschool children with special needs for a while and later taught children with Autism. I was always in awe of her tenderness and gentleness with her students. Sometimes students would scratch her, kick her, bite her, lash out at her. My Mom was a saint. Kind, compassionate, patient. I could never be like that.

I knew I didn't have what it took to take care of a kid with special needs. 

I was pregnant with my second baby. We didn't know if it was going to be a boy or a gi…