Saturday, October 23, 2010

Blood transfusion.

Okay, long story short. Samuel's back in the hospital. His breathing was rapid and shallow. heart rate was high. Oxygen levels lower than normal. So Mike had to take him to the ER last night. We're waiting for a blood transfusion. It will help him not have to work so hard. He'll be less weak, pale, and tired after the transfusion.

Libby's birthday party is in a couple hours. Aleya and I took Lib and twins to the IHOP. She had a blast. She not only enjoyed her chocolate chip funny face pancake but she was sung too. She was quite aglow.

Well, days don't turn out the way we think they will but we're making the most of it :)

Friday, October 22, 2010

The latest.

So, I ended up back in the hospital on Wednesday. Contractions were coming every 2 minutes. It turns out I was really dehydrated. So after a full IV bag and some pain meds I went home. Not bad :)

Samuel was being released on Wedensday. So it was quite an interesting game of playing discharge. It's amazing how we do this- flip-flop hospital stays.

Samuel went to clinic today. He looks good. He will chemo again next week and need to be admitted for a 2 day stay. Hopefully it won't be longer than that.

I have a feeling Peter will be arriving in the world next week. I will be 36 weeks on Sunday and it should be an all systems go from there.

Samuel has to get shots administered at home to help bring up his ANC count (part of white blood celll count).

Tomorrow is Libby's 6th birthday. She's terribly excited and has already been spoiled with packages and cards. Hard for her to not feel like a princess I imagine.

So much is happening. Our back doors are replaced! They were rotted and soon we'll be putting in a bit of tile and then carpet. Hurray.

Spoke with social worker today. Good conversation and very helpful.

Mike's still under the weather but we're both on antibiotics now and it's made a world of difference. My sinus infection is cleared up and Mike is better, not perfect and back to self, but much better. I think he's so run down that it's contributing to him not being well.

So, now we wait. I don't have internet at home so sorry for the lack of contact. It's not personal :)

Samuel's having a good day and all the kids are in high spirits. It's so nice. Going to enjoy tomorrow and then maybe have a baby :)

Monday, October 18, 2010

I'm still feeling yucky and miserable and not myself. I really feel weird most of the time. Today I started getting really dizzy and had spots in front of my eyes. I miss Mike terribly. I hate being so clingy and needy. I don't like feeling this way. Thankfully these are just feelings and they will pass.

Mike had a really good day with Samuel. We're not sure if he'll come home tomorrow as we had originally planned. I hope he is. He's going to need to get a feeding tube put in soon. So sometime soon we'll be back in the OR for him.

Life is overwhelming me. Calling nursing. Physical Therapists. Prosthetics and Orthotics. Chesapeake Pediatrics. Libby's teacher. Medical Supply company. EdMarc. Etc.

The list goes on. My ears are ringing and the sinus pressure makes my head want to explode.

Maybe tomorrow will be better? Here's hoping.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

When the tears slide sideways...

I was laying on my bed feeling thoroughly crushed this morning and my tears began to slide sideways. They usually run down my cheeks and chin but today they fell and ran over my nose and my other eyelid and landed in my ear. it reminded me of long ago summers with swimmers ear.

The world feels turned upside down. I know it's not. I see people going on around me as business as usual. It's just for my small personal little world I feel so out of control. I feel broken. Humbled. Semi-shattered.

I was in the hospital on Tuesday with contractions coming every one to two minutes. I didn't think they would stop. But thankfully they did. They gave me this medicine, apparently some type of opiate, and my favorite anti-nauseau med, phengrin, and they slowed. I fell asleep.

I was then transferred to the ante-partum unit for therapeutic rest. I slept well that night but the rest of the time there was pretty miserable. The care was sloppy and inefficient and I won't get into details or I will just get riled up again. It just wasn't a good experience.

BUT, Peter is still on the inside! I will be 35 weeks tomorrow! Yay.

Mike stayed with me at the hospital and we were blessed to have nursing come and hook Samuel up for his IV feeds. Thank God! Thank EdMarc for great care!

I'm still having contractions but hoping I can hold off for a week or two. I see the doctors on Wednesday.

The pack n play is set up in the room and all ready for Peter. His clothes are washed and ready. His blankets are all clean. I got diapers.... but they're all size 2! I think I need to get some newborns and ones and I should be set :)

Libby's birthday is next Saturday. She will be 6! It would be great to hold off until after her birthday for there to be a new baby.

I feel OVERWHELMED by all the administrative tasks I have on my plate. I've got to trust God with them! I can only do so much. And see, even just typing it brought on a contraction. Whew. I guess I really should just take it easy, right?

Michael's asthma is flaring. I took him in to the docs on Tuesday morning and they put him on oral steroids. He might need to go in on Monday for a follow-up because it doesn't seem to be doing the trick so to speak. He was out of school all last week.

He's supposed to have a pumpkin field trip for school. I need to get Liby cupcakes for school for her birthday for next week. And we haven't bought her presents yet.

Blah. Blah. Blah. Yes, I could keep going. I'm a bit nutty. C'est la vie.

Deep breath. Relax. All will be well in the end.

I see God's sweet mercy and grace in my life. I just need to recognize it for what it is. Yes, we're experiencing serious hardships and trials but Our God is consistently there. Consistently holding us. Consistently providing for us. Ever faithful. Ever true.

Well, off to get Michael more abuterol and myself some airborne and emergen-c. Yep, still got this cold thing going. Please pray for God's sustaining power. I'm fighting loneliness and despair... I know He's there holding me. I just wish I "felt" it.
An encouraging poem that was sent to me from a dear friend who is going through much suffering. I found comfort this afternoon from reading it.

The Sands
The Soul for comfort holds herself to be
Inviolate; but like the blowing sands
That sift in shuttered houses, Christ's demands
Intrude and sting, deny her to be free

She twist and turns but finds it vain to flee,
The living Word is in the very air,
She can't escape a wound that's everywhere,
She can but stand OR yield - to ecstasy.

Her Lord is seeking entrance; she must choose.
A thickening callus can withstand the pain
Of this rough irritant, the sands that swirl
Against her thus defied. But if she lose
Her self, Christ enters in - the sharp-edged grain
Of sand embedded grows a shining pearl.

A Severe Mercy

Friday, October 08, 2010

Being Home.

I've been sick with a chest cold/sinus infection thing but have been using a netti pot, zicam, taking sudafed and mucinex and taking emergen-c and airborne around the clock. I think I'm kicking it before it could get really bad.

The kids have been a little nuts and the first day home was particulary grueling. I hadn't felt that drained in a loooooong time.

We are adjusting better though. I know how to set up the TPN (IV nutrition) and how to do all sorts of new things.

We have been still working on cleaning and organizing the house. Things are happening.

Samuel went to the oncology clinic today and is doing really well. He will go back to the clinic on Tuesday and we will take him off TPN for 3 days to see if it will change how much he throws up/wretches. Next Friday he will be admitted for a five day stay. It's a more "intense" chemo.

Tomorrow, I'm having a celebration of life (baby shower) for Peter. It's at church from 2-4 and I'm excited to celebrate something happy and encouraging in our lives.

We're worn out but we're glad Samuel is home. Trying to just keep taking deep breaths and adjust to all that's going on.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010


Samuel is home. He's playing with Libby in the playroom right now. It's been great having him home but also quite a large adjustment. I think it will take a while to get into the "swing" of things so to speak. He's on 7-8 different medicines and there's a lot to keep up with.

The nurse last night showed us how to set up his TPN. We have to use a needle to withdraw water from a bottle and mix his vitamins and add it to his TPN and mix it. It's kind of fascinating but I must confess I'm nervous using this stuff. I feel like I will be professionally in the medical field before all is said and done.

Samuel is throwing up a lot still. He always wants help, someone to be there and wipe his mouth and hold his head. Which is fine except that it's so regular.

he's going to be receiving outpatient physical therapy at home. He's been in bed for a long time. He's loving moving around though and likes to walk independently. He will fall though if you're not careful because he's still wobbly.

Mike and I are both tired and he's still a bit under the weather. It will be interesting to see how this next week plays out...

Monday, October 04, 2010

Better day.

Its weird but today has been a better day.It's still gray out. Maybe it's because I get to spend time with Samuel. I've been here since noon and then I get to stay the night. Unfortunately it's because Mike is sick. He has a chest cold and sinus issues. He's feeling awful. So that part is not good.

I had a great time being with my Aunt today. I got to talk to Dr. Lowe and he feels that when Samuel can tolerate oral meds for 24 hours he can come home. I'm hoping for Wednesday if he does well.

He's still throwing up but he's been doing better than he had been. He's been super cheerful and playful. He did great with Physical Therapy today. He also walked over to my bed and wanted to play puppy. He was "digging" on the bed for a bone. It was hysterical. A friend is bringing me dinner tonight. It's been a nice day.

Sometimes it's just nice to have a good day. Especially when I've been feeling sour. Okay, well back to playing batman...

Sunday, October 03, 2010


After getting attached to Sadie we had to say quick good-byes yesterday. She had been going to the bathroom in the house. I think this was from a change of diet. But Christopher didn't feel like she would be a good fit, apparently the previous owners didn't tell us she was slightly schizofrentic(sp?). Libby and I were pretty devastated and had some good, hard cries. She was such a sweet and gentle dog and so quickly added so much joy to our lives. Libby kept saying, "but she was perfect" and "Samuel didn't even get to meet her."

We had gotten news that Samuel would be coming home tomorrow or Tuesday. But now they think he's suffering from morphine withdrawls and are keeping him longer.

Frustrated, tired, weary and over it would describe my general mood today. I wish the sunshine would come back.

I feel like I need to make a t-shirt that says, "Life is good, but sometimes it sucks."

Friday, October 01, 2010

Just so you know the average weight of a 33 week baby (gestationally) is 4.2 pounds. So, gulp, he IS big. If I go full-term I might be skipping all newborn clothes!

Pumpkin or Turkey?

So, we went to the OBGYN yesterday. I asked if they could do an ultrasound because it had been a while. Peter's flipped and is no longer breach! Yay! He's head down and in the "ready" position. He's also 6 pounds already. I'll be 33 weeks on Sunday. So they were a little freaked out at his size because he's a big boy. So they made me do another glucola test even though I passed the other two times with flying colors. They're so funny. I told them I have big boys...

Samuel was 6 lbs, 3 oz. at 30 weeks. Twins were 5 lbs, 3oz, and 4lbs, 7 oz. at 32 weeks. So, of course this guy is a little bit on the bigger side.

So the question is a 6 pound pumpkin (October) or a little butterball turkey (November). We'll see.

Just got great news! Samuel's pubic tube is coming out as I type!