Showing posts from December, 2012

grief musings

I feel a bit tongue-tied. I mean how do you talk about the normal daily grind when there's been a national tragedy?

I had originally wanted to share my whirl-wind trip to CA but somehow i feel shallow talking about what fun I had and what a great break it was and all.

This is the strange thing about tragedy. Most people's lives move on... and usually relatively fast unless you were someone who is extremely close to the situation.

I speak from experience.

Although my sister's death was nearly 9 years ago I'm still severely affected. But people around us move on. They have lives and change and grow and develop. They have other life events: marriage, babies, grandbabies, new jobs, cars, homes, friends, and even other deaths.

The people in Newtown are not going to "move on"... they will move through. They will eventually have a new normal. But it's like losing a limb. It's not best to pretend that someone didn't lose a limb. Someday they will be able …
This is my sis-in law, Kristin. I love her so much. She's an amazing woman. Crazy sweet, sarcastic, funny, organized, and beautiful. So grateful for her. Just thought I should say it out loud...

Response to School Shooting in Conneticut

My heart is broken. I was sitting in the car listening to K-Love when the news came on to announce a school shooting in Southern Connecticut. 26 dead of which 18 were children. Life comes in perspective in these moments. My anxieties about my holiday planning, the concerns about parenting, and life in general seem to evaporate quickly like morning dew.

I have four children in elementary school. I can't imagine the heartache that these parents are facing. I can't imagine the fear that the survivors are feeling. When you can't send your small children to school with peace in your heart...

It's taking everything within me to not rush to my kids school and pick them up.

How do we deal with tragedy like this? How do we trust in God's goodness in spite of such evil that is present in this world?

Honestly I don't have answers. I still trust and believe in God's goodness... and I hold onto the knowledge that He's in control. And though that control sometimes do…

This was not the plan.

My good intentions of exercising and showering didn't happen. Instead I got some stuff done. Stumbled back to bed while PJ was napping and drifted off to sleep. I awoke with a call from the nurse at my kid's school. I thought she was calling to tell me that Michael's bandage had come undone but instead it was about Samuel. Instantly my adrenaline was running... again.

The nurse explained that Samuel was having pain and she could actually see the spot that he was pointing to that hurt... and that it was swollen and puffy.

Okay, let me just tell you now. This is every pediatric oncology parent's nightmare. What?! Is the cancer back? Did he grow a tumor since his last scan, just four short weeks ago?

I went to school and picked up Samuel and Libby. I called our pediatrician's office while on the way there. I explained to the administrative staff what was going on. They managed to get us in within less than 15 minutes.

The doctor was thorough and kind, which was nice, b…

Broken fingers & Broken hearts.

I'm writing by Christmas tree candle light, in the early morning hours, after sending the four out the door with Papa (Mike). This morning wasn't unusual in any particular way except that it felt difficult. I needed to provide money for Michael to go to "Santa's workshop" at school.Libby couldn't find her P.E. shoes. Ian spilled pink powder all over the kitchen floor. Children were more demanding than usual about getting milk. Notes had to be written to teachers. Coffee & protein drink for Mike. Cleaning up dishes. Rallying them to cooperate with me.

And I'm so tired. And anxious.

This week-end Mike and I decided to leave our home as the property was going to be taken over by a billion guys in camouflage and airsoft guns. My brother is the proud owner of Ballahack Airsoft and had an "op" this weekend. It's pretty awesome but it meant that the land would be full of people, vehicles, and we wouldn't be able to go outside. So we went to…