Showing posts from May, 2013

Why Cancer?

Samuel asked me a question the other day...

"Mommy why did I have bad guys?* Where did they come from?"

So I had to explain to my seven year old that I don't know why He had cancer. I know it's a part of God's plan but I don't know why. I also explained that some cancer comes from known causes (smoking, etc)... but a lot of times, it happens without explanation.

I wrestle with this as well.

Yes, my son, why cancer? Why did it grow in your body while your were being knit within my womb? How could someone so small (a four year old) have a tumor the size of a softball? And how does it work that I believe God is good and sovereign and yet God allowed this and yet hates sin and the consequences of sin (sickness and death) all at the same time.

It's beyond me. But not beyond God. 

Samuel's getting to an age where he can start wrestling with these deeper things. These deeper questions. He doesn't wrestle alone.

Scan is set for June 11th. Praying for all to…

Pain & Glory

So yesterday after taking Libby to the dentist and Michael to therapy we had to squeeze in an unexpected doctor visit in. Michael started seeping again from where his g-tube sight was. We were able to be seen within 45 minutes (miraculous) and we saw my favorite pediatrician (another huge blessing).

Dr. Scott said that Michael appeared to have a fistula. A slight opening but the problem is it goes into his stomach.... so he arranged a consultation for us at the Children's Hospital with the surgical team on Monday. The man is a miracle worker.

Michael has been complaining of it hurting. And this has gone on for 6 weeks (more than long enough). Hence surgery will probably be necessary to repair it.

I've felt so inundated lately. I have four kids in school which means four field days and four end of the school year parties... and money for food for the parties and providing various things for each class. So strawberries, grapes and oreos for one class, m&m's for another a…

Doing, Doing, Done.

It's midnight and I can't sleep. I'm tired. I've been going strong today. Cleaned out the car. Swept. Dishes. Fold laundry. Emptied trash. Put away accumulated cardboard into recycling bin. Wiped counters at least 3 times. Vacuumed rugs. Organized my room. Cared for kids. Over 13 + hours of go, go, go before I went to Caregroup tonight.

So it's amazing I don't look like my husband right now who is passed out. My poor love is so exhausted. Working so hard. 45 minute commute to work and 45 minute commute back. Up early to help me get kids ready for school, take Ian to school and then work and then come home and get ready to go to Caregroup.

But I'm making a list of all that needs to be done tomorrow. Libby has to go to the dentist. Michael has therapy. I'm trying to have some time with a friend whose moving out of state. I hope to exercise. Clean my bathroom. Make 3 very important phone calls regarding medical appts, billing, and etc. Re-arrange the mud r…

Tearful morning...

Lots of tears today saying good-bye to Auntie Kelsey. Libby in particular didn't want to get on the bus to go to school. Sometimes it's just hard to say good-bye.

Enjoying Kels

One of my dearest friends is in town. She has come all the way from CA to be with us. She's my adopted little sis, Kelsey. It has been such a pleasure to have her around. We've gotten to do some fun things together... just simple everyday stuff. Going to the park. Getting coffee. Eating lunch. Doing errands. etc.

When Michael was at therapy and Peter was napping we were at the park for a little bit. Here are some pics.

Choosing What's Important: When It's Time to Unplug

I'm sure we all have it; E-mail inboxes filled up with messages that want your attention. Voice messages on your phone that need to be checked. Texts that need to be replied to. It seems everywhere we turn there is someone or something that wants our time, our money, our attention.

How to discern what is a distraction and what is truly important is becoming increasingly more difficult.  Lines tend to blur and pretty soon, when our defenses our down, or we're really tired, or hungry or bored or lonely we do something we don't intend to. We purchase something we don't really need. We eat something that's second-rate instead of making the time for something that would nourish our bodies. We waste our time drifting online, vegging out in front of mindless tv, checking out that e-mail that has a sale for 40% off that something we don't really need but the sale will end tomorrow.

One thing I've come to realize is that if I'm not purposeful with my time then I …

Car Accidents & God's Mercy

Mike got in a car wreck yesterday. The likelihood is that his car is totaled. A teenager had pulled out onto the road and t-boned straight into Mike who was traveling 45 mph.

Thankfully no one was seriously injured. Both passenger side doors of Mike's car cannot be opened at all. The police officer ticketed the girl and she was held liable for the accident. He has a very stiff neck and shoulder and back as well as headaches. But all in all it could have been much, much worse.

No kids were in the car with Mike. PTL

I wasn't in the car with him but was close by and able to help. PTL

Our insurance provided a rental car. Again, PTL

No one was seriously or permanently injured. PTL

I'm so thankful for God's mercy in my life. I must confess though I held Mike very tight and I could hardly put a cap on my tears. It was really hard to hear my husband tell me he was in an accident. It brought up losing my sister and nephew in a car accident all those years ago.

But this was NOT …

Watching 8 children under eight.

Yesterday there were 8 children in my home. 8 children eight and under. Now, this was by choice. I watched my friends very delightful children for a good part of the day. 
We had a 9 month old, two 2 year olds, an almost 4 year old. two 5 year olds, a 7 year old and an 8 year old. You would think it was crazy train over here but it was actually relatively peaceful. The kids seemed to neutralize each other. They were all very entertained and distracted by one another.
There was much laughter, playfulness, joking, shrieking, chasing, and song-singing. Some highlights included Samuel shouting out incorrectly Evangeline's nickname of Doodle. He kept calling her "Noodle! Noodle!" (very funny)
I loved getting to play with Adeline (AKA Baby Bird or Birdie). She was such a doll and so fun to feed and engage with. She loved soft books and I gave her a fun soft doll that she enjoyed batting around and mouthing. Elliot and I played with foam blocks for a while and he eventually go…

Not above bribery...

I had a day this week when Mike was gone out of town and I was managing the kids solo and I had a horrific headache that I stooped to bribery. For some extra z's I kind of let things go. Peter was up and Samuel had stayed home due to exhaustion. Peter came and brought me a candy bracelet. I totally opened the package and let him have it. Yes, candy for breakfast people.

For a while I could hear him quietly and contentedly playing on the floor next to me. This was what he was doing...

He pulled open my purse and pulled out everything. Wet wipes. Credit cards. MVP grocery/pharmacy cards. Pens. Paper. Floss. Yes, I carry crazy stuff in my purse. Stamps. Birthday cards. Lipgloss. Hand lotion. Sheesh.

He was busy working on investigating skills while I was trying to survive the morning. Sometimes a little candy goes a long way...

Another trip to the zoo.

Lately I feel like I live at the zoo in Norfolk. Actually, I do live in a zoo at home :)

Michael's school field trip was yesterday and I went with Peter. I know it made Michael's day that we were there. He kept dragging me along and yanking on the stroller so that we would move forward to get to the all important elephants. I kept explaining it was important to stay with his class.

The best news of all was talking with his teacher Amy. Amy said the news that I've been praying for the past four months. "We are going to move him up to Kindergarten this fall!"

I nearly keeled over with relief and excitement. She had wanted him to stay back and do something different. I wasn't quite sure what to do but trusted her judgement and began praying.

But yes, he will be in Kindergarten in an inclusion class. His IEP (individualized education program) will make adjustments and allowances for him. I'm thrilled. When I told Mike he was thrilled.

So among the giraffes an…

New bedding for the boys

Great Grandma (my Grandma) has started a recent tradition of giving the kids new bedding on their birthdays. Ian was psyched by his new angry birds bedding and pillow. Michael loved his race car bedding and car pillow. Too cool. As much as they love their bedding I have to confess they were pretty excited about the boxes that arrived!!!

Thanks Great Grandma!

Angry Bird-Day!

The twins decided for their birthday to have "Angry Birds" as their theme. It was a fun time had by all. One of the highlights was the amazing cake created by the fabulous Heather Hughes. That woman has some serious creative talent!

I used angry birds blankets as a makeshift table cloth. I set up all their stuffed angry birds and balls and other paraphernalia as decoration. Mike came up with the idea to have angry bird bowling. This was a total hit. The kids took fluffy and fuzzy angry birds and knocked down pins.

Ian and Michael continue to remind me most every day that they are five now... as if I need to be reminded :) Yikes, they are growing up!

Then... and Now: Remembering Cancer

I wish I could say that I never once think about cancer anymore. It's a memory in the past, right? We are living in the here and now so my mind should be fixed on the present. 

But regularly, and often daily, my mind drifts back to remembering when. Often it's a reminder of something that I used to have to do or perform daily that I don't have to do anymore. I don't have to give shots or clean CVL tubes. I don't have to flush with syringes and give all sorts of assorted medicines throughout the day many times a day. 
I don't wear purple latex gloves and I'm not incessantly cleaning up throw up, wiping every surface with antibacterial products and bleach is no longer the perfume I wear. I have a routine that doesn't revolve on how many days are spend at the Cancer Clinic. I am not in the midst of regular EKG's, CT scans, MRI's, and dressing changes. 

I don't have that red-eyed, glassy look ALL the time. I wash clothes and bedding because it&…