Thursday, May 30, 2013

Pain & Glory

So yesterday after taking Libby to the dentist and Michael to therapy we had to squeeze in an unexpected doctor visit in. Michael started seeping again from where his g-tube sight was. We were able to be seen within 45 minutes (miraculous) and we saw my favorite pediatrician (another huge blessing).

Dr. Scott said that Michael appeared to have a fistula. A slight opening but the problem is it goes into his stomach.... so he arranged a consultation for us at the Children's Hospital with the surgical team on Monday. The man is a miracle worker.

Michael has been complaining of it hurting. And this has gone on for 6 weeks (more than long enough). Hence surgery will probably be necessary to repair it.

I've felt so inundated lately. I have four kids in school which means four field days and four end of the school year parties... and money for food for the parties and providing various things for each class. So strawberries, grapes and oreos for one class, m&m's for another and a t-shirt for decorating for another class. Libby has a science project due on Monday.

Libby's dance recital is coming up in a couple weeks. My grandmother is moving in next week. We will no longer have a car for Mike as of next Wed. And his car is officially totaled. We have to take the suburban into the shop today for inspection and will probably need new brakes.

Hm, so life is full. There are many pressures, obligations, etc. Bills to pay. Appointments to make and go to. Blocks to check.

My ultimate need though is more of God. More of His presence to fill me. To encourage and strengthen and sustain me. In the midst of my weakness He is strong. In the midst of my inability He is able. In the midst of my brokenness He is whole and in the midst of my imperfections He is perfect. He can fulfill. He can provide. He can sustain.

Samuel has a CT scan June 11th to check for cancer. And even though I have no reason to think anything is different I still get nervous and agitated.

Somedays it feels like the John Mellencamp song,
"Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin is gone"

Days are long, full and grinding BUT My Hope is in the Lord. I will fix my eyes on Him. When I see Him I am reminded that this here and now isn't all there is. This will not last forever. One day I will see Him face to face. One day there will be no more death, no more sadness, no more sin, no more pain, no more fear, anger, anxiety, stress, etc. Right now I see in part but One Day I will see in full.

Right now I hunger, I thirst. I cut my foot, I have pain. But One day this too shall pass away and I will drink from everlasting water and be satisfied. I will be fed by the Word of God Himself. I will be comforted. Oh how I long for THAT day. Until then asking the Lord for the grace and mercy I need to get me through each moment. Resting in His goodness...

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