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Showing posts from March, 2018

PTSD, Panic & Prayer

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The lights feel brighter and the sounds feel louder and the minor annoyances loom large in my mind.

And my heart clenches and I can't breathe and my grasp on the present moment slips. I feel
alternately numb and then intense pain. It's a crippling helplessness. Right now it's a literal numbness and tingling down the left side of my body. It's feeling like I'm not truly in my body. Not grounded. Like I'm watching myself outside of my self.

I am thankful that this is not my constant present reality but in the last week or so my PTSD and grief have caught up with me. My brain, heart, mind, body and spirit have been on overload.

Over the years I have learned how to mange. I cry out to the Lord in prayer. I use essential oils to help ground me, lift my mood, and help me breathe when I'm anxious. I take concentrated fruits and vegetables and berries to boost my nutrition. I go to counseling and receive therapy. I ask for others to pray for and with me. I know the…

Victory & Putting Efficiency in It's Place

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Some Thoughts from a month Ago...

I've been getting into this new routine of waking up early (4:30 a.m.) and getting ready for my day and exercising at the Y. It's been great. I get my workout in, do all my daily care needs bright and early and have the rest of the day ahead of me. In fact most of my difficult or stressful tasks have been done usually no later than 9 a.m.

This morning I had my alarm set for much later in the day... but I still woke up at 5. My dog needed to go to the bathroom and I was just wide awake. I think my body is getting used to my routine.

First couple of days I felt high by all I accomplished. I felt unstoppable. By the end of this week thought I've been restless, frustrated discontent and depressed. Whaaat?! I've accomplished all  these good things. I'm taking charge of my time, my health and my mind.

As I was doing dishes in the quiet of the morning I felt God spoke to me. And He asked me 3 questions....

#1.) What if  you pursued me mo…