Survival Mode.

Dear friends,

In case you're wondering why I haven't commented on your blog... I have been reading your blogs but have no energy to comment...or maybe it's that I have nothing whitty to say. And if you don't have anything whitty to say, then don't say anything at all.

Several people as of late have spoken to me (& Mike) about survival mode. They say this is the mode we're in and that it's going to increase with the twins. I understand that things are going to be tough. I understand that I might have weeks (or months) where I cry at least once a day. But does that mean I can't have joy too? Does this mean I am destined to depression, blues and anxiety?

I keep coming to the Scripture: Romans 8:31-39

31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."[l] 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

How does this play out in my life? How do I not give into condemnation? How do I control the few things I actually can- like my attitude and perspective? How do I jut let go and laugh? Because frankly my dears, if this was happening to someone else it could be pretty dang funny! Maybe all the irony, maybe all the drama, or maybe because sometimes my life can sound so unreal.

I'm reading several books I'm enjoying right now: Till We Have Faces (C.S. Lewis)- always a favorite, The Orient Express by Graham Greene, The Wal-Mart Effect, The Good News About Injustice, The Omnivore's Dilemna, Deceptively Delicious, The You Manual: Staying Young, and some other good books that I can't remember off the top of my head...and yes I'm into them all. I'm waiting for some books from Amazon that are a kind of must read for me. Twinspiration and the Multiples Manual. I'm really excited to better prepare for the twins.

I'm fighting a lot of fear right now. I've been worried that the twins will die or something will seriously go wrong. I worry about pre-term labor and bed-rest. I worry about having preemies. I worry about going into labor without Mike. I worry about C-sections and such. And you know what? This worrying doesn't do me ANY good! I know it too. It's one of those things I feel like I daily have to give to the Lord. "Cast all your anxieties on Him for He cares for you" kind of thing (1 Peter 5:7). But it's hard because somehow I feel like I have more control if I hold onto these fears and worry. I know the Lord said worrying doesn't add one extra hour to my life... so why am I doing this?

Well, the kids are awake and I must get them ready and walk Libby to school...don't worry it takes less than 20 minutes to walk there :)

Hope that you are more than conquerors today... and if you are, can you spread your secret?

Clinging to Jesus!


Caren said…
Jenn, I'm praying for all 6 of you guys!
Anonymous said…
Hey Jen,

Again you have decided to stand on HIGHER ground not sinking sand and that is VICTORY in JESUS.......He sought us and bought us by His Precious Blood. We are excited and so thankful that the Lord has only Good in mind for us all. Keep in the word like you IS TRUTH as you know. It is LIFE and it is
STRENGTH and PEACE. Kiss everyone and have them kiss you back.
Praying for you all and sending lots of love
Katie Virginia said…
it does not mean you are destined to depression, blues, and anxiety :)

You are in a daily battle Jennifer. or maybe better said, a "moment to moment" battle.

I don't feel like a conquerer today, but I want to be and usually the first step for me is forcing myself to pray even when I don't want to. Then thinking on all the things that I have that are blessings and thanking God for them. It would be easier to focus on the pains, the fears, or the sadness but if I want to fight for joy and cast my cares and anxieties on Him, that isn't the place to start.

Love you so much and I'm praying for you guys!
Wendy said…
Hey Jenn,

You are normal girl! I never slept so hard as I did when I was carrying twins. And the excercise, don't worry after they are born you really develop biceps!! Now if you can figure a way to work the triceps while lifting babies you will make a million.

So survival mode becomes easier as you let go of the stuff you feel obligated to do, and or desperately want to do. And the hardest thing to remember is that in another 3 years you will be able to complete so many of the wants in a day! It does get easier, just do what you are moment at a time.

Add Helen Roseveare's Digging Ditches to your reading list. It was very encouraging in trials.

Love ya!
Katherine M. said…
Hey Jenn, Your desire to glorify the Lord with your attitude and perspective during these very challenging days is so encouraging to those who are cheering you on and praying for you and your family. You are much loved! I enjoyed your post.
Sarah said…
I've been thinking that maybe you don't always have to FEEL like a conqueror to be one. In an email to me you once talked about how God doesn't let you know a lot about the effect on other people He has through you so you don't think it's just you... I just thought you might like to be reminded of that today...

By even posting what you posted, which has clearly affected all the people who read your blog, pointed us towards God's word and encouarged us to evaluate our own fears and attitudes in light of the scripture you quoted... well, I think that makes you a conqueror - because you took the desperation you are feeling and used it to bless and inspire others. Don't underestimate that!

God knows that you are seeking to trust Him with all things, including your precious babies (all four of them). As Katie said so well, that's "moment by moment" - but you are learning to make the right choices even if you don't always feel like you are.

I think you're amazing!

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