In case you're wondering why I haven't commented on your blog... I have been reading your blogs but have no energy to comment...or maybe it's that I have nothing whitty to say. And if you don't have anything whitty to say, then don't say anything at all.
Several people as of late have spoken to me (& Mike) about survival mode. They say this is the mode we're in and that it's going to increase with the twins. I understand that things are going to be tough. I understand that I might have weeks (or months) where I cry at least once a day. But does that mean I can't have joy too? Does this mean I am destined to depression, blues and anxiety?
I keep coming to the Scripture: Romans 8:31-39
31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."[l] 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
How does this play out in my life? How do I not give into condemnation? How do I control the few things I actually can- like my attitude and perspective? How do I jut let go and laugh? Because frankly my dears, if this was happening to someone else it could be pretty dang funny! Maybe all the irony, maybe all the drama, or maybe because sometimes my life can sound so unreal.
I'm reading several books I'm enjoying right now: Till We Have Faces (C.S. Lewis)- always a favorite, The Orient Express by Graham Greene, The Wal-Mart Effect, The Good News About Injustice, The Omnivore's Dilemna, Deceptively Delicious, The You Manual: Staying Young, and some other good books that I can't remember off the top of my head...and yes I'm into them all. I'm waiting for some books from Amazon that are a kind of must read for me. Twinspiration and the Multiples Manual. I'm really excited to better prepare for the twins.
I'm fighting a lot of fear right now. I've been worried that the twins will die or something will seriously go wrong. I worry about pre-term labor and bed-rest. I worry about having preemies. I worry about going into labor without Mike. I worry about C-sections and such. And you know what? This worrying doesn't do me ANY good! I know it too. It's one of those things I feel like I daily have to give to the Lord. "Cast all your anxieties on Him for He cares for you" kind of thing (1 Peter 5:7). But it's hard because somehow I feel like I have more control if I hold onto these fears and worry. I know the Lord said worrying doesn't add one extra hour to my life... so why am I doing this?
Well, the kids are awake and I must get them ready and walk Libby to school...don't worry it takes less than 20 minutes to walk there :)
Hope that you are more than conquerors today... and if you are, can you spread your secret?
Clinging to Jesus!