"F"- From Failure to Faithfulness.

There are some days where I feel like a big, fat failure. This would be one of those days. I feel I've been so impatient and angry...and I don't even know why. Even the smallest irritations have become large grievances in my mind. I felt I could hardly even handle today. I just wanted to turn in my "mommy badge" and lay on the bed and sleep. I wanted to quit. It's hard to be reminded in these moments that there is grace for this. Instead of grace I just want a baby-sitter. I laugh when I think that there are two more coming.

It didn't end like a bad day though. I cleaned the house for several hours. The kitchen is clean and the living room is manageable and the kids room is practically perfect. Samuel had therapy. Mike and I took the kids to IHOP. We received a gift card for Christmas and it was fun to get to talk with Mike and the kids enjoyed eating and were peaceful. We had a quick Target run and then headed home. Samuel had thrown up in the car so Mike's down in the basement doing a load of laundry. The kids are in bed and I get to have time with Mike.

So I guess all is not lost. I have been feeling so much sinus pressure and feeling lousy and have been on the brink of tears almost all day. But there's always tomorrow. Mike and I would take turns singing a high-pitched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer song that the Doe (is it Clara?) sings, "There's always tomorrow for dreams to come true..." We would cock our head back and forth in that claymation sort of way. Well, at least it makes me laugh.

The Lord is faithful to remind me that His mercies are new every morning. Lamentations 3: 22-26 says,

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”

The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.

So even for failures like me there is mercy. His faithfulness overshadows my failure. Thank the Lord.


Caren said…
Jen, I have had so many days like that, you have no idea. I love reading your blog, because you have such a great way of getting our thoughts back to the Lord. Its not all about us, is it? Its about Him. Thanks for the reminder :) I hope today goes better than yesterday!
Ashleigh said…
Your feelings so describe my week. I keep finding myself losing my patience with my kids and then beating myself up over it later, even though I've already taken the time to sit down and apologize to them. Thanks for the reminder that the Lord's mercies are new every morning.

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