I've broken 3 things in the past 24 hours. Unbelievable.

Sad. Distressed. Downhearted. That would be a good description of myself. I just broke the space bar on my keyboard. So that makes 4 things.

I've had two hysterical meltdowns two days in a row.


In the car I sang over and over today, "Arise, Arise, Arise, Arise my soul arise." It was a good reminder. Get out of this funk and gloom.

I ache so bad I'm afraid I will implode or lose my mind. I cry out to God... not to relieve this ache and pain that burns within but to be near and present as I walk through this fire. I just need His nearness. His steady Hand. His Hope. His promises that remain true and faithful even when I'm not.

He's not afraid of my sadness. It's not too big or too small for Him. His faithfulness covers me like a warm blanket. His arms are secure around me. He will not let me falter.

We're teaching Michael how to walk. We hold his little hands and have him practice steps. We are faithful to hold him and catch him lest he fall. My God is like that. He holds my small hands securely. He won't let go. He won't let me fall.

So when I feel the sadness that ensues in my day that promises to engulf and swallow me whole and drown me... I am reminded- HE HOLDS ME.

One of my favorites songs is called Held by Natalie Grant

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling

Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair

Here is the chorus:

This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow

If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?


Anonymous said…
JL, I'm calling you today. Let's pray together.

Love you.


Remember that He loves you and is interceding on your behalf.

From Romans 8:

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now.

And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.

For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good...

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? ...

It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written...

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us...

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

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