So my computer has been having issues, especially, it appears, when I'm trying to work on my teaching/tutoring tasks. It's a force that keeps driving me to the Lord. My Mac (which I really do love) has been having issues and I know what it's trying to tell me... you need to get a new one. But I don't want to. I can't afford to. And I just want to make this one work as long as it will possibly give me.
Even while typing the last paragraph I had several weird things pop-up on my screen as I typed that I had to click closed in order to keep going. I use my Mac for writing. For creating schedules. For editing pictures. For venting into the air and then rapidly deleting. I use it for teaching, tutoring, gathering resources or just putting my thoughts all into one place.
Please Lord, let this Mac last as long as possible!
My days are full. So full in fact that it doesn't leave me time to deal with my hair legs. It doesn't let me squeeze in all the many needed tasks. And I have to pick and choose what I say NO to. And it's tough. There are so many good things out there. So many ways to serve. So many opportunities to bless others. So many good intentions.
So I'm constantly returning to the Lord and saying "HELP! What do you want me to do with my time, energy, resources?"
Michael's therapy (speech, occupational and physical) occupy over 6 hours a week. Libby has American Heritage Girls and Art. We like to go to the play ground, the zoo, and the library. Add on top of that schooling, managing a house that needs constant upkeep, dishes that must be washed, meals made, errands run, and doing laundry for 7 and top off with my preparation for tutoring in my homeschool co-op and keeping up with my fabulous business and my week is consumed.
And I shouldn't fail to mention all the healthy changes I'm making... trying to eat well, make good choices, prepare healthy meals, get in exercise, drink water, etc. Thank goodness my Juice Plus+ gives me more energy!
I woke up before 5 this morning. I got my Bible Study reading done and worked on organizing my computer files and filtering my e-mail. I'm drinking my delicious Dutch Cocoa Complete Protein drink. I am NOT super woman. This is a day for the exception not the rule.
I have a husband who loves me so much. Mike had already started dinner and took one look at me as I crawled through the door last night and let me stumble into bed. Brought me a drink and then dinner in bed and encouraged me to just read and fall asleep... and I did. Keep in mind the kids were crazy and he managed them. What a treat it is to have my husband home on a WEEK DAY!!!!! I woke up at 10 and night and thought it was morning. I read for an hour and fell back asleep until 4:45. Mike's got incredible tuition for knowing when I'm on a brink of a major melt-down. And I felt I was definitely about to snap... how kind of God and my husband to halt that kind of impending doom.
So with the day ahead of me I will exercise. I will shower. I will gather all the materials I need for the baby shower Saturday. God willing I will get the opportunity to have the kids help me clean the house. By 8:30 this morning my house will grow from 5 children to 8. We will practice our grammar review together and I will let the kids play outside as long as possible.
And I'm thankful. Thankful that the Lord is kind to me when I don't deserve it. Thankful that He gives me moments of respite when I feel too weary to move forward. Thankful to Him for inspiring my brain with ideas and leading me into activities that will bless my family. Thankful that what He calls me to He will provide for.
This grace wraps around me. I know that my worth isn't derived by my productivity, my efficiency, and my accomplishments. In fact, my worth isn't merited by my credit. It's merited by Christ's. His Work was enough. His life was perfect. His death was for me... He sacrificed Himself for me. He atoned for my sins. And He rose, conquering death. Now, I'm a daughter of the King of Kings, a princess. Not because of any work of mine, but because I'm covered by Christ's perfect work.
I can go forward knowing that no matter how much I accomplish or how little that God looks on me with favor. That I am His child. That I am perfect in His eyes... because when He sees me He sees Christ over me. And Christ over me can never be shaken, removed, dulled, or deteriorate. His perfection covers me... in spite of my weaknesses, my failings, my sins. What a glorious Savior.
So whether I accomplish all that I want today or go back to sleep for a few more hours I take hope, rest, comfort and joy in knowing that I am His... and nothing can alter or change that position. I am secure for eternity. I belong to Him.
I hope you know that you too can rest in that knowledge. If your faith is in Jesus Christ as your Savior you can have that hope, that grace, that peace that nothing you do or don't do can separate you from His love. No matter how much we accomplish or how epically we fail we are secure in the work of Christ. His blood washes away our sins. His blood atones for us. His blood purchases us and makes us secure.
This world changes and remains the same. It's evil and dark with glimmers of hope. But our hope can not be in this world, not in our government or legislation, not in the moral fiber of our community... our hope must come from Christ alone. He alone is secure. He alone is unchanging. He alone will never let us go... never let us down... He will never defer our hope. We are secure in Him.
That is my hope and my peace today... not in my early rising and accomplishments but God's unfailing, never ending, never stopping love.... let it consume me today how loved I am and motivate me to pour out myself, my life for others.