Root Canals, Waiting, Brokenness & Good News

 I just broke a tooth. I was eating a pretzel stick on the drive home from church and I heard a sickening crunch and felt a piece of tooth come off. This happens tobe the tooth that I just had a root canal on 3 days ago. The tooth that caused me agony the week of my brother-in-law's wedding. I went on antibiotics and have been on hold for the root canal for two weeks.

There are questions and  concerns of whether or not Mike will still have a job or not in the next few weeks  due to lack of work. 

Continuing to watch my mother-in-law decline with her Alzheimer's and dementia. 

Samuel slamming his thumb in the car door.

The lawnmower breaking down.

The new flooring buckling from the fridge water leak. 

Dreading dealing with relational fallout.

This world is full of so much brokenness. 

So much unrest. Hate. Dissension. Division. Feuds. Unknowns. Significant injustices. Shootings. Suffering. Pandemic. Schooling shifts.

Can our hearts take anymore pounding?

I've been feeling lonely and isolated and sad and frustrated. Constant reminders of how this world wasn't how it once was... and reminders that why did I think I could put my hope in this world?

My hope needs to be in God, nothing more, nothing less and nothing else. 

Days are draining and monotonous and overwhelming. What you can and can't do changes regularly.

About a month ago Samuel went up to the Children's Heart Institute (CHI) in Northern VA for an ultrasound. The tech became very concerned. He detected a sackof fluid just outside of Samuel's lungs. 

After making Mike wait an hour and a half they prescribed a chest x-ray which we were able to do back in Hampton Roads at our local children's hospital (CHKD). We were told the results would be pretty immediate and they would schedule an appointment for the following day. And  so we waited and waited. We waited knowing and fearing the worst... had his cancer returned?

We called CHI. Apparently they said they never received the x-ray... where did we get the x-ray done? So we gave them the information. Still no word. We called the next week. Um, where was the x-ray done? Called the following week... once again, where was the x-ray done... 

So we get a call Thursday that they had the x-ray and were ready to share the results at a telehealth appointment the following day. Thank God for Fridays...

The day of the appointment we received word that they needed to move the appointment earlier. No problem. Then they called less than 5 minutes later to say, "Where was the x-ray taken?" At this point I'm trying to not lose my cool but expressed my concern that they had the information and the results the day before but couldn't find it again?

Even during the appointment the Dr. couldn't find the x-ray. Finally she realized it was mislabeled and found the x-ray. His lungs were fine. No cancer. 

This huge relief. This huge struggle with anger. All this emotional whiplash. Things are one way then another. In the midst of it all I'm sinning all over the place. Angry. Irritable. Frustrated. Concerned. Hopeful. Then numb. Despairing. And also then over it. Tired of feeling all the things. 

In the midst of all this I made my weight goal. A health professional told me I'm completely in a healthy range for my weight. I could gain. I could lose. I am fine. My numbers look fantastic. My energy is good. I'm the healthiest I've been in almost 2 decades. 

And yet there is so much resistance. Trying to trust the Lord and cling to Him in all the storms... the big and little. The schooling needs of 5 kids. Some we will be homeschooling. Others will continue public school online. 

So many unknowns... but this we know... our God is faithful. He is good. His promises will be fulfilled. He will never leave or abandon us. 

So here we are in the broken and in the being redeemed. In the process. With the good and the hard. The ups and the downs. Eager for Christ's return and enjoying His redeeming work in the meantime

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