Surrendering in the Midst of Anxiety

 
Last week just thinking about what was happening this week had me reeling. 12 appointments including neurosurgery followup, neurology, and Samuel’s annual cancer clinic late effects program. My anxiety and stress were through the roof. I took some time to find some pockets of time where I could create a little recovery. A little breathing room. 

I took some time to remind myself of all the good things- big and little. The red tulips coming up in my yard… hot tea with cream. Enjoying taking two of the kids to the zoo. Clean water to drink and bathe in. A working vehicle. A laptop and phone. A hot bath with epsom salts. A nicely scented candle. A snuggly blanket. 

I’ve also built in some time this week to take care of myself so that I can function and be at my best. I’m taking my hydration and nutrition seriously.  Reading God’s Word. Memorizing Ephesians. Listening to worship music. Practicing breathing. 

Leaning into the letting go and surrender. Do I really believe that God is in control… that His plans for me are ultimately for good and for His glory? 

In general yes I do. Honestly though I’ve found myself annoyed and irritated easily. My reflexes are hyper vigilant. Anxious in the car. Trying to calm my nervous system… not easy. 

It’s a process friends. It’s not perfect. And God knows I’m far from perfect but I’m progressing. I’m moving forward in healing… in my brain, my body, my spirit, my heart. Going to read a book in  the sunshine before my dental cleaning. Breathe. Drink some water. And maybe later I will dance while cooking in the kitchen…

Wherever you are… up, down, surviving, thriving, I wish you JOY! You are exactly where you are meant to be. Sending hope to you and much love.