It's almost one in the morning. Peter's bouncing up and down in his crib and laughing maniacally. He woke up with a poopie diaper and will not go back to sleep. Thankfully Libby is managing to sleep through this.
I'm winding down on a head/chest cold thing I've had on and off for a few weeks. I think I'm really on the other end... this time. Yay. And then I just got hit with a sudden tummy problem and am now well... you don't need the details. So I'm waiting this whole thing out. For my tummy to settle and for Peter to fall asleep.
Mike has men's breakfast (with church) tomorrow and so I will be handling the crew... and I'm hoping that the remaining hours I have left uninterrupted will be good sleep.
I've been reading this book called "Gotta Have It: Freedom from Wanting Everything RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW." There's a lot I can say about it. So much I want to delve into but I'm going to try to limit it to a particular epiphany I had last night.
It's funny how you can hear something, read something and even kind of "know" something but then you experience it again and it hits you. It goes beyond your brain and penetrates your heart. I think it goes as deep as your soul. Well, that happened for me last night.
I was in bed listening to Mike read to Libby the passage in Matthew regarding worry. How will worrying add to your life... and look at the beauty of the flowers and the birds... they don't worry about clothes or food... knowing God will provide for them.
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
(Matthew 6:25-34 ESV)
Now I've heard this before plenty. It's not anything new... but it came alive to me as I later was reading my book. One of the things that struck me is that Jesus is telling us to not worry about our NEEDS.
Libby has recently been going through in school the difference between needs and wants. Needs consist of water, food, air, shelter. Wants are things like toys, games, books, cars, houses, etc.
So what I appreciate about the passage above is how it states that we do not need to be anxious about our life: food, clothes, etc. Wow. But why do I not need to be anxious/worried? Because our Heavenly Father KNOWS that we need them. In a different version it says because He CARES. That's intimate. He cares about my needs. They're not petty to him.
"Even if we don't have a good handle on what our needs are, God does. And not only is He God; He's also our Father. And as a father, He's generous. He knows our needs, and He has a plan to supply them- and much more."
I'm probably not making sense because it's super late now and I'm exhausted but what I wanted to convey was this new found understanding of truly being at rest in God. Submitting and laying down my desires... and even my needs knowing that He knows what I need... and He knows way better than I do. I was at such peace last night when I fell asleep. And it's carried through in the day.
Now I know feelings go up and down and change. But truth doesn't. And the truth of God knowing and meeting my needs is amazing. Especially because I've been very anxious about it. I'd been so stressed about Mike needing work and not having work and wondering what we were going to do and how it was all going to work out. I've been putting so much stress upon myself to figure it out. I'm a planner and I have been feeling frantic and that we have no game plan for our life. In fact I have been despairing of ever having a future for us that held good things.
It's been 10 years of craziness. wonderful things. Horrible things. Beautiful. Tragic. Sickness. Death. Moving. Lots of pregnancies and babies. School and more school. teaching. trusting. hoping.
But my hope had begun to wain. I had begun to believe nothing good could happen to us. I was beginning to fear that another disaster/tragedy awaited us just around the next bend. But now, I hold firmly to my Saviour and my God and I know that He knows what we need. He knows what my husband needs and my children need and I need. And I can rest in the fact that I don't have to carry it. I can let it go.
Today God did something really cool for me. Mike and I were dropping off several boxes and bags of give-away stuff at the thrift store. We walked in and were told everything is 20% off. One of the amazing finds there was an espresso machine... listed for $10... but with the discount- $8!
But today Mike finds this Mr. Coffee Espresso Machine. We took a chance and got it. When we got home I cleaned it up and sanitized it. I heated water with the steam wand and cleaned out the filter.
It felt amazing to put finely ground coffee in the espresso filter and to tamp it. To add water. To put cold milk in the steam pitcher. To heat and foam or "froth" the milk. My epsresso shots were beautiful with the lovely golden brown crema on top and a nice solid earthy body body. The smell was intoxicating. I made lattes for me, Mike and Rebecca. It was lovely. So nice.
And as I sipped my coffee I kept thinking. Wow. God cares. He cares enough to let me have an espresso machine so I can make coffee at home and bless others and enjoy it myself. He is so good!
Come and hang out. I'm looking forward to making you a latte or cappuccino.