Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Changing Pants & My Feelings

I have had to change my pants many times today. Not as though this is a new thing. After all I do have four boys.

I got dressed into my clothes for the day. Then the rabbit peed on me and all over my bed. That was not fun. So I changed. Then Ian knocked out his two front teeth (thankfully they were his baby teeth) but it was traumatic and bloody and the kids were hysterically hyperventilating. He needed a cold wet cloth which of course leaked all over me because I was holding him. So changed again.

So you know kids were in and out of the snow this morning. They came trudging in with pink cheeks and fingers cold as their mittens didn't prevent the snow from melting and seeping through. We've done our "grammar" review for CC today. We made pancakes for lunch. I read to them for a long time and then fell asleep on the couch. They put together two different puzzles of the U.S.

I prepared for tutoring on Thursday.

Days are long and wild and full. Predictable and unpredictable. Subtle slides of me wanting to fall out of my good habits and away from my new healthy changes. And me fighting the resistance with everything I have. It's so easy to want to give in and move away from good new habits. I struggle. Some days it's easier to drink my green drink I make in my Nutribullet and to juice my veggies. Other times it's a struggle to just get out of bed. To keep my eyes open. To press on.

Here is my comfort. God doesn't change. His feelings for me don't change like mine do. He's not fickle. Or wishy-washy. He doesn't just love me and care me when "He feels like it." It's a good thing God is so much greater and above me. He's not bound by my weaknesses like I am. He's an overcomer. And since I am in Him. I too am an overcomer. My record is perfect because I have Christ's record attributed to me.

I'm not perfect. I'm a total broken mess, failure, bad mom, wife, daughter, friend, etc. But In Christ I have a perfect record. It's as though I've never failed as a wife, never yelled at my kids, never struggled with doing the right thing.

So I can rest in that even though I'm unable. He was. He is. He will be. He is faithful and will hold me til the end. I am secure and hidden in Him.

And so even the days like today where I don't feel like I'm up for the tasks ahead of me. Where I don't feel like teaching. Where I don't feel like getting out of bed... it's enough. It's okay. He's got me. And I have Him.

So whether you feel weak or strong. Whether you're one up on the day or falling dreadfully behind if you're faith, hope, and trust is in Jesus Christ, then you are secure. It doesn't matter how you feel. It doesn't matter what you've gotten done or what you haven't accomplished. Your feelings don't equal your standing before God.

So thank you sweet Savior. Thank you Jesus. For the snow my children got to see and experience and revel in this morning. Thank you that Ian's teeth were just his baby teeth. Thank you for pancakes and syrup. thank you for dishwashers and washing machines and dryer. Thank you for a warm home. Thank you for anti-depressant medication. Thank you for bunnies that bring joy and snuggles even if they do sometimes pee on our beds. Thank you for hot cocoa. And more importantly thank you for the work you did, that i never could. Thank you for your perfect work. For your death and resurrection and your ascension. Thank you that my Hope is in You and that hope will NEVER disappoint!

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