Day 11 has begun of my 30 day Challenge of Transform30.
So far I've been diligent to keep away from dairy, gluten and sugar. I've been consistently exercising. Eating well. Having the 2 shakes in my day really helps me to stay on track and feel satisfied. I don't feel deprived and the whole food nutrition in my Complete protein drinks is giving me a"willpower" I've never been able to experience before. Starting my day with a concentration of 30+ fruits and veggies helps me to begin my day well!
My body feels happy. Really happy. I'm eating well. Getting sleep. Drinking water. My brain feels clear not foggy and my mood in general is way more stable. I'm not having headaches. I don't feel unduly sore (I mean my workouts are awesome so I do feel that kind of sore) but I don't feel the achy joint sore. Clean eating has been amazing.
And yet... there is a part of me that is scared. What if I fail? What if I don't succeed? What if nothing changes? What if? What if? What if?
And I remind myself of The Truth that my greatest need has already been met in Jesus Christ. And that my hope is not in losing weight or looking better or dropping the 100 I need to. My hope is in Christ. I am doing this for His glory. Disciplining myself and surrendering my eating to Him. Not rushing to food to fix things.
And boy does changing my eating do something to my mind. Because before when I was hurt or sad or low or lonely I could eat to comfort myself. But I've taken that "comfort blanket" away and I'm left truly facing myself. Facing my feelings. And I have to ask myself, "Why am I feeling the way I am?" What is triggering or guiding this feeling? Is it legitimate? True? Is it just a fleeting momentary passion? And I can acknowledge my anger or fear or sadness or fill in the blank and say, Okay God I feel this way.... but I know the truth of who you are and who I am in you.... so let me walk out my actions in the truth... not how I feel in any given moment.
Tonight I can't sleep. I really tried. I just felt up and energetic. I made myself a shake when I felt I was getting hungry and drank water. I read on my Kindle til the Ipad's battery died. I did laundry. I swept the floor. I cleared the table and made it a little more festive for Christmas. I sorted stuff. I checked out flights for January.
So now, I will retreat. I will crawl back into bed and deep breathe and hopefully relinquish myself to sleep. After all it is 4 in the morning now.
So goodnight/goodmorning. I hope this day finds you in peace, filled with joy and expectation of the good things that await you. That each trial and hurdle you face will lead you to a place of deeper contentment and deeper trust in the Lord! And that as we approach Christmas we would be reminded of our AMAZING God who humbled himself and became one of us, taking the form of a baby, and risked everything to rescue us.