In Over My Head

It’s all too much. Way too much. 4 medical appointments yesterday. 4 today. 4 tomorrow. And we are just getting started.

This is on top of the daily needs. On top of laundry and dishes and broken vacuum cleaners. On top of weekly play therapy and occupational therapy for Michael. On top of ballet and art club. On top of creating a diet for Samuel without grains or gluten or dairy or eggs or soy and nuts, blah blah blah.

Really friends the needs exceed my limits... and that is the best place to be- ABSOLUTELY DESPERATE FOR GOD!

I can’t do this apart from him. I really can’t.

Panic tempts me to just let it crush me. To give in. To give up. So I cry out, “God you are more than enough for me!”

I hit a wall tonight. It was my weekly check in with Libby and I was too wiped to take her out so I brought Starbucks home to her and we watched some Netflix and I passed out.... for like 4 hours.

Now I’m awake and my brain is racing. And I’m once again surrendering all to Jesus.

I read my friends post, “I don’t know who needs to see this but Isaiah 60:22 says, ‘When the time is right, I the Lord, will make it happen.’ Sleep in peace tonight. God is in control.”

Yes, the Lord will make it happen in His perfect timing. My striving won’t add a second to Samuel’s life. He is in God’s hands.

I keep catching myself holding my breath, quite literally, and I have to stop and remind myself to breathe.

I signed up for Bible Study but realized I will miss each session due to appointments.

Sigh.

And breathe.

I can only do what I can. Praying that God brings the right people at the right time to help me bear these burdens.

Until then I close my eyes and wait for sleep to reclaim me. I can be at perfect peace knowing that He who watches over me never slumbers or sleeps.


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