The Big 3-0.

Today is my 30th Birthday.

I recently finished reading a book called Stepping Heavenward (by Elizabeth Prentiss). It was one of my sister's favorite books. In fact it was her copy I read. It was a beautiful journey of a young girl of sixteen who loves worldly things and her transformation that comes through suffering and how she desires and is consumed by God. The story is written in a journal format and finishes a few days before her death.

It is my hope that my life is similar to that book. I hope that I grow wiser and godlier and put behind me childishness and foolishness.

I have come along way. I can honestly say I am a very different person than when I was 16. But yet I want more. I want to know God and desire Him more. I want Him to be my all in all, the cry of my heart. My consuming desire and thought. As I say that I am also aware and am honestly frightened of what I ask. I have seen that it is often only in the fire of trials and suffering and loss that produces these desires and this type of character.

I used to long for godliness... now I have learned that's not what I want to desire. Instead I want my desire to be God Himself. This will require a transformation of my heart, to long for not an outward appearance of goodness but to desire who it is that is Good!

I am a blessed woman. I am surrounded by family and those who love me. I am rich indeed.

This is my prayer:

Ephesians 3:14-19.

14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.