I'm tired and I only have a few minutes to post. Life here has been crazy, which I guess equates normal for us. I've had someone throwing up every day. Sometimes it's due to mucous draining in their tummy, sometimes it's sickness and other times gag reflex. Every day I clean up poop and puke and at times I feel reduced to being a janitor. Except not only am I a janitor but I'm a cook, nurse, pharmacist, chauffeur, maid, etc.
I love my kids. I love my "job". Sometimes though it's hard to do anything else. I'm pathetic at returning e-mails, phone calls, keeping up with the medical appointments. I feel like I'm doing alright caring for the kids. Keeping them in clean clothes. Feeding them. Reading them books. Giving baths. Keeping the house somewhat in "order". But anything else is just too much. I'm so tired. So unable to give more to others... relationships, friendships, writing, etc.
I'm overwhelmed if I think too much on the future. I literally can't even look at my week but instead focus on one moment at a time. Sometimes I'm okay to look at the full day.
Easter morning Michael came to Mike and I while we were still sleeping and showed us his g-tube had pulled out... so there he is with a whole in his tummy. So mike jumps up and returns with his g-tube and a monoject syringe and I hold him down as Mike puts the mickey button back in and re-inflates it with water as Michael screams. And yes, in the moment, I feel tired but I am thankful that He is Risen.
My Savior rose from the dead... that is the hope I possess. His Spirit is in me... the same that rose Him from the dead. And this life is fleeting and the seasons pass and change and my children are growing so fast and will quickly be out of the house... and all that is temporary and passing will be gone... and Jesus will make all things new. and I hold onto that. In my weariness. Tiredness. Desperation. And being overwhelmed.
I have felt frustrated and overwhelmed when I look at the needs that seem to be way greater than the resources but I know my God will provide. I know He will not forsake or leave me.
I really need to be getting ready to walk out the door but I'm in bed and in my jammies. Sometimes the need to just write and get these thoughts to "paper" overwhelm me. But the children are crying. Someone bumped their head. Someone is arguing over a pair of sunglasses. And life continues. the respite is over. Sigh.
Thank you Jesus that you didn't stay dead that you rose. That you triumphed over the grave. That you have victory over death. And that you care for me. And even the little things I experience. And the big things that overwhelm. You are faithful and worthy of all of me. You are more than enough for me.