I choose to be in the present. Not wallow in the regrets of my past nor dwell on the fears and worries of the future but to allow myself, as best as I can, be present where ever I am. To see, taste, touch, hear, speak fully where I am. To embrace those around me. To love where I am able. To serve and lay down my life.
And when I choose to be in the moment I find a joy. A secret of contentment that bubbles up in my heart because I see grace for each and every need, and peace for my grief and worries, and hope that God is bigger than me. He calls Himself I Am. He is the most present person there is.
And so I run to Him in my time of need. In my time of discouragement. In times of need and plenty. When I danced around the house because, yes, we did pay our rent this month! When I weep for the loss of a precious child and the brokenness that we experience still living in a fallen world, knowing that death has died but for now it separates us from those who have gone ahead. When the shower is broken. When the stickiness covers my floors, my counters and even my bedspread at times.
When there is laughter and tears and anger and peace and joy and sadness dancing in an out weaving patterns throughout my day. My heart soars as I hear my son who has been struggling to read, reading out loud, reading well, and excited that he's really doing it!
When we end up taking several baths in a day because of playing with friends and getting the backsides of our jeans dirty and jumping in puddles... and then doing it again!
When we pause to unload the dishwasher and talk about silly things or when the broken hearted child cries from hearing the news of their friend passing away who they prayed for each night, "God please heal Johnny". He is healed. In Heaven. Before the throne of grace. But we won't see him again until we too are on the other side. And hearing Samuel's sweet reaction, "Mama, He's with God. He's in the best place you could ever be!" So true Samuel.
A day of teaching at home has come and gone. Math and Handwriting and the Egyptian Empire and Invertebrates and Reading out loud and presentation preparation. Preparing now for tomorrow at Classical Conversations with a class that is full and brimming with sweet children that I love and pray for and hope to pour into... hope to reflect Christ to.
Jesus, be my vision. Let me behold you so big that you are all I can see.
that you block out my circumstances, my fears, doubts, anxiety
That there is more of you and less of me.
Jesus, be my guide. Show me the way, what to do what to say
how to live, how to love, how to trust, how to pray
How to give all of me, how to obey.
Jesus, be my Savior. My rescuer, my help in time of need
Remind me that you are enough, you paid my debt, set me free
Thank you that before the throne you always intercede
Jesus, be my Lover. Of my soul. Light of my life.
Help me trust, help me follow, walk by faith, not yet by sight
And thank you that you walk with me always by my side.