Tuesday, July 07, 2015

Persevering

per·se·vere
ˌpərsəˈvir/
verb
gerund or present participle: persevering
  1. continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success.
    "his family persevered with his treatment"
    synonyms:persistcontinue, carry on, go on, keep on, keep going, struggle on,hammer away, be persistent, be determined, see/follow something through, keep at it, press on/ahead, not take no for an answer, be tenacious, stand one's ground, stand fast/firm, hold on, go the distance,stay the course, plod on, stop at nothing, leave no stone unturned;



Long days.

Littles finally truly asleep.

After reports of a bloody nose, who is getting out of bed, who has to go potty, who needs water, who is scared, and who banged their head against the wooden bunkbed.

Putting out "fires" day and night it feels like. I have such a deep appreciation for the single moms in this world and for moms who are home while their husbands deploy. This "single parenting" isn't what it's cracked up to be.

The learning how to use the outdoor grill and how to check the steering fluid in the car. Or checking the strange sounds at night. I miss the extra pair of hands and the wisdom that comes from stability and logic and soundness of mind and emotion. The encouragement that I can do it. The not sleeping alone.

Starting bootcamp for Michael for OT and Physical Therapy soon. That will be 2-3 days a week. Coupled with speech camp we're looking at 9 hours a week for 2 months. Entertaining 4 kids in the waiting room for 3 hours 3 days a week is NOT my idea of fun.

Doing what is necessary and right is not always easy. I want to cave and give in. Put off the difficult. Put off the challenge. Put off the exercise. Put off the making another meal...again. But I'm trying to say No. I will accept the challenge. I will do it in spite of how I feel. I will choose to persevere.

My tires are flat on my bike so I can't exercise in that way right now. Instead, I have to make a different choice, do a different exercise.

The needs, the questions, and the demands from the kids don't stop. Thankfully God is bigger than that. He's big enough to handle my despondency. My temptation to self-pity. Thankfully He loves me enough to just let me cry and reminds me that it will be better in the morning.

Mommy/Daughter Date night consisted of finishing A&E's Pride & Prejudice. Libby loved it. We also baked chocolate chip cookie bars for the boys. I added coconut oil and some oats to the recipe... and decreased the amount of sugar... but they never even noticed the healthier changes :) Success!

Days are long but I rest in the unchanging love of God. I know His mercies will be new in the morning. I know that NOTHING can separate me from His love! I know that His love and affection for me isn't dependent on what I get done or how well I parent or how clean my house or how in shape I am. I rest in the finished work of Christ... and Him alone.

So I surrender the day and the week and the month and the year and the decades again to the Lord and I say, "Please have your way with me, in me, through me." Help me to love and serve others. Help me to seek first YOUR kingdom. Help me to resist my self-sufficient ways, and my all-or-nothing attitudes, instead, let me run hard after you.

Going to bed. I know I will wake soon with a child's pair of feet in my face or being squished by someone trying to get in bed quietly. The night will fade and morning will come. The day will start again. Fresh with not mistakes in it. And my hope is in the Lord and I will sing His praise come what may...

May you find fresh grace for where you are at in this moment. May you find strength and peace and hope. You are not alone. We don't walk this life alone. Running with my eyes fixed on the prize....


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