Before the 7th.

Tomorrow is the 7th. My sister's birthday. She would have been 24. I feel so low. Sometimes I'm afraid the next breath won't come like it will just stay stuck in my chest. But I keep breathing. I know I will see her again... someday. Sometimes heaven feels so far away. Like I'll never get there. I know that it will be here before I know it. Until then I just keep living, breathing one painful breath at a time. I miss seeing her face. her smile. Hearing her laugh. Listening to her strum her guitar. I can still hear her voice in my head telling me what to do. And they say older sisters are bossy?! younger sisters are much worse. So tomorrow what will I do? I keep trying to find something that will give tomorrow meaning. Often I find myself desiring to binge eat or watch meaningless movies or go shopping, anything to distract me from the pain, anything that will keep me from getting comfort from the only one who can give it. God is the only one who can heal my wounds. He is the only one who knows me truly. My heart inside and out. I hope I can turn to Him instead of the artificial idols that I set up. I wish I had friends with me. I feel alone. Mike has his first exam tomorrow. it's weird being in a new city without people I know. Oh well, those from back home, please think of me and pray for me if you think of it. Your call is appreciated.




Ashleigh said…
Jennifer, I'm praying for you. I can't even imagine how difficult it is, especially being in a new city away from friends and family.

On a positive note, I'm excited to see you started a blog. I look forward to reading your thoughts. After moving out here, while I was still in the process of making friends, I found that my blog helped me alot. It gave me an outlet for my thoughts and made me feel more connected to my friends and family far away.
Anonymous said…
Darling, just wanted you to know that we prayed for you all at Care Group tonight...everyone misses you guys and is thinking about you.

Miss you, love you, many many GREAT BIG hugs to you. I'll call you tomorrow

Ps- so glad you are blogging!!!
Anonymous said…
Hey Jennifer. It was the 7th here sooner than it is with you guys, so you've had people praying before you even woke up on an anticipated difficult day (unless one of the kids woke you up way early!!). I hope and pray that the day ends up full of unexpected blessings despite the difficult bits. You're doing great and you're amazing and it's a privilege to send big hugs and loads of love from all the way from across the pond....
Anonymous said…
Hey babe...My heart is with you and I am so missing you. I left you a voice message yesterday while I was driving to the Y. Call me. I've been in a rare season of wanting to chat on the phone. but i really miss you. i know you had to go. but did you? miss you and love you.

Caren said…
Hey Jen,
I hope your 7th went well. Lots of blessings with your family....I take it you are getting settled in your new place? How is Samuel? Thanks for letting me know about your blog...

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