Before the 7th.

Tomorrow is the 7th. My sister's birthday. She would have been 24. I feel so low. Sometimes I'm afraid the next breath won't come like it will just stay stuck in my chest. But I keep breathing. I know I will see her again... someday. Sometimes heaven feels so far away. Like I'll never get there. I know that it will be here before I know it. Until then I just keep living, breathing one painful breath at a time. I miss seeing her face. her smile. Hearing her laugh. Listening to her strum her guitar. I can still hear her voice in my head telling me what to do. And they say older sisters are bossy?! younger sisters are much worse. So tomorrow what will I do? I keep trying to find something that will give tomorrow meaning. Often I find myself desiring to binge eat or watch meaningless movies or go shopping, anything to distract me from the pain, anything that will keep me from getting comfort from the only one who can give it. God is the only one who can heal my wounds. He is the only one who knows me truly. My heart inside and out. I hope I can turn to Him instead of the artificial idols that I set up. I wish I had friends with me. I feel alone. Mike has his first exam tomorrow. it's weird being in a new city without people I know. Oh well, those from back home, please think of me and pray for me if you think of it. Your call is appreciated.

Love,

Jennifer