Tuesday, August 05, 2008

The Truman Show... no, just my life.

Sometimes I wonder if my life is really like the movie The Truman Show.  You know the movie where Jim Carey plays the character, Truman Burbank, an insurance salesman/adjuster who finds out his life, whole life has been a tv show.  yeah, that's what my life feels like.  Except it's not a tv show... but if it were it would be pretty funny.  That ow, that's rough and I'm uncomfortable so I'm going to laugh because I don't know what else to do.  Like  my friend who laughs at funerals (don't worry J. I totally understand the response). 

 If certain aspects of my life were to be publicized it would definitely be interesting.  Maybe if I would just watch John & Kate plus 8 I would get it of my system.... I mean everybody and their mother tells me to watch that show... and no, still have yet to see it.... but it does sound cute.... and it sounds like her life is a lot tougher than mine.  I mean twins is enough... 6 at one time?  Sheesh.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that this life of mine feels very surreal at times. It's a mixture of joy and sorrow, laughing and crying, and inhaling and exhaling, and surviving while being hopeful.

Currently it's pleasant.  I was just blessed by a group of sisters who came over and helped me by cleaning and caring for the kids.  I also had someone come over to give Samuel specific TLC.  He really needs the extra attention right now.  Libby is quick to get it with her talkative personality and at times demanding behavior, the twins are just cute and needy and just pull at your heartstrings... so it's easy to focus on them.... and my dear little Samuel with his frustration at not being able to communicate and the combination of being "really 2" (throwing tantrums) and getting his 2-year molars can be a little more challenging at this point.  

So Katherine, thanks for snuggling my boy and loving on him!  And Chelsea, Laura, and Mary- thank you... the house looks amazing!

My mom also came over and not only did she bring some much needed soymilk but she also kicked Mike and I out of the house for a few hours to just catch up and relax.  We went out to dinner and grabbed some Starbucks.  The highlight for me was just getting to listen to Mike talk.  He really shared some things that were on his heart and it was a blessing to know him more and to converse and share on a heart to heart level without kids screaming in the background.

So I'm sitting on the bed with a full tummy.  My two oldest are in bed.  My two youngest more content than not....


Okay the discontentment struck and I was gone for a few hours.  I need to wrap things up so I can hopefully get some sleep- ha ha.

I found myself checking blogs and was struck by the sadness and pain that so many people dear to my heart are going through.  One of my friend's husbands was in a motorcycle accident.  Another two friends just had miscarriages.  And i thought i was the only one suffering.
Okay, so let's correct the beginning of this post okay?  It's not about me.  It really isn't.  Although there are some semi-comical aspects to my life there is so much more out there than what's happening in my small little world.  
So to those out there who are suffering, who wonder if they can bother taking another breath- Hold On.  Hold On To Jesus.  I was struck by the lyrics from Steven Curtis Chapman (there's another one with serious heartache....) song Hold Onto Jesus

"If I have come to this ocean
And the waves of fear are starting to grow
The doubts and questions are rising with the tide
So I'm clinging to the one sure thing I know
I will hold onto the hand of my Savior
And I will hold on with all my might
I will hold loosely to the things that are fleeting
And hold onto Jesus
I will hold on to Jesus for life
I've tried to hold many treasures
They just keep slipping through my fingers like sand
But there's one treasure that means more than breath itself
So I'm clinging to it with everything I am
Like a child holding on to a promise
I will cling to His Word and believe
As I press on to take hold of that
for which Christ Jesus took hold of me"

4 comments:

Caren said...

What an encouragment Jen! Thank you! Those are amazing lyrics. I wish I was closer so I could come help you sometime. I'm praying!

Jessica Rockey said...

Beautiful words Jenn. I've always said that I'd rather be someone who has been through things and can empathize for others... as oppose to someone who is peachy, and doesn't understand pain and suffering. (maybe I should've kept those thoughts to myself).Going thru this miscarriage has opened my eyes to a pain that I never knew... it has also opened my eyes to so many dear friends who really care for me. Even friends who admit that they don't understand my pain, but they're still praying and grieving with me. It's been a very tender and precious time for David and I.

Thanks for your dear gift... I took a picture of the tulips. They were very 'sad' after being in the heat for so long before I discovered them. My beautiful angel is right next to my bed along with your card and many others.

I love my angel. It's something tangible to remind me of that little life that I miss so much.

Sorry to ramble... Love you friend.

Anonymous said...

Great Job with your blog, Jen. Always seeing how you are pointing us to The Lord. Have missed you all.
love,
faf

Lbush said...

Hey Jen,
This is your cousin, Lisa, in MA. I think about you often and marvel at what an amazing, strong, woman you have turned into. Your family has been delt some very difficult heartaches, yet some amazing blessings all in an instant. Cherish those little ones...it goes by in a flash. Please hug and kiss your mom (who I love dearly) and please have her hug and kiss you. All my love!

Your cousin, Lisa