I hate cancer. I really do. That is one thing I can safely say that I truly hate. I hate knowing that it's in my son's body. I hate being helpless to defeat it. I feel crippled and weak. I can't do anything except watch, wait, and pray. Samuel throws up so much.... all the time. It hurts to watch. It sickens one to hear it. How do you function normally around it? It becomes a part of the new normal. I'm sure it would overwhelm people the first time... and maybe subsequent times but when it's your day in/day out reality.... well, you just learn to live with it.
I hate that he has to get shots every night. They burn him. The shot isn't so bad... it's the injection itself... it burns going in.
His eyelashes are almost completely gone. It looks semi-comical to see a random grouping of long eyelashes. Samuel had eyelashes women would weep over. Gorgeous, long black thick eyelashes. They are now almost non-existent. His eyebrows are fading out as well.
My Dad recently shaved his head which looks really good. His head looks much better.
My dear sweet boy suffers so much. I watch him cry. It sucks. It really does.
Here we are allowing his body to be injected with poison (chemo)... and we're just praying it will kill his cancer so that his cancer won't kill him. And then we're praying that the chemo won't kill him. And we're praying that it won't come back.... or won't transform into leukemia or some other cancer. What other recourse do we have?
I had always thought that if I got cancer I would go "raw" and do the hallelujah diet and live as healthfully as possible.
We can't even get our child to eat... period.
We can't do surgery. We'd have to remove almost all pelvic organs, etc. And this cancer is aggressive and would come back anyway. We have to kill it. And what does chemo do? It kills fast growing cells. And what is fast growing currently? The cancer. That's why though you lose your hair... fast growing cells.
Samuel goes to clinic again tomorrow. It's funny. I have yet to take Samuel to clinic myself. I've been with him in the hospital but only during inpatient stays. The clinic is outpatient. Mike has taken him time and again.
Michael has been coughing horribly lately. his breathing treatments aren't cutting it. So I'm taking him to the doctors. He's started tugging on his ear... my guess? Ear infection. He's very congested. Poor guy. They'll probably put him on an oral steroid or want to do a chest x-ray, etc. Fun, fun.
Well, Peter was up a lot last night. I'm exhausted. I'd better go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day.
I hate that he has to get shots every night. They burn him. The shot isn't so bad... it's the injection itself... it burns going in.
His eyelashes are almost completely gone. It looks semi-comical to see a random grouping of long eyelashes. Samuel had eyelashes women would weep over. Gorgeous, long black thick eyelashes. They are now almost non-existent. His eyebrows are fading out as well.
My Dad recently shaved his head which looks really good. His head looks much better.
My dear sweet boy suffers so much. I watch him cry. It sucks. It really does.
Here we are allowing his body to be injected with poison (chemo)... and we're just praying it will kill his cancer so that his cancer won't kill him. And then we're praying that the chemo won't kill him. And we're praying that it won't come back.... or won't transform into leukemia or some other cancer. What other recourse do we have?
I had always thought that if I got cancer I would go "raw" and do the hallelujah diet and live as healthfully as possible.
We can't even get our child to eat... period.
We can't do surgery. We'd have to remove almost all pelvic organs, etc. And this cancer is aggressive and would come back anyway. We have to kill it. And what does chemo do? It kills fast growing cells. And what is fast growing currently? The cancer. That's why though you lose your hair... fast growing cells.
Samuel goes to clinic again tomorrow. It's funny. I have yet to take Samuel to clinic myself. I've been with him in the hospital but only during inpatient stays. The clinic is outpatient. Mike has taken him time and again.
Michael has been coughing horribly lately. his breathing treatments aren't cutting it. So I'm taking him to the doctors. He's started tugging on his ear... my guess? Ear infection. He's very congested. Poor guy. They'll probably put him on an oral steroid or want to do a chest x-ray, etc. Fun, fun.
Well, Peter was up a lot last night. I'm exhausted. I'd better go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day.
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