Setting myself free...

I have been discovering lately that I have a lot of fear. Fear of losing Samuel. Fear of gaining weight. Fear of what other people think. Fear of fully living... because it means fully embracing and accepting myself as well as my reality.

One of my fears is riding a bicycle. When I was younger I was riding a bike and I hit a parked car and flew over my handlebars... that freaked me out. Not to mention I also wrecked on a motor bike with my Dad... I thought the accelerator was the brake....

Anyway, for the past several years I've been wanting a bike. I found one I wanted on Valentine's Day. But my husband is smart... instead of saying I could have the bike which I promised I would ride everyday for 90 days he said... "No. Ride your Mom's bike for a month and if you like it we will get you your own bike." I love my husband. I was disappointed but I could see the wisdom. He told me he didn't want me to feel guilty every time I walked in the garage and saw a bike I didn't ride. This makes sense.

So, on Samuel's birthday later in the afternoon I went for a bike ride. It was amazing. I had so much fun. I loved it. I fought my fear and did it anyway. The sun was setting and I got to watch it go down and I could see the moon rising. There was still a little warmth in the day but the air was cool and I felt so comfortable in my red fleece jacket. I could smell a woodfire burning. The birds were chirping and telling each other goodnight.

All that said... I can't wait to ride again. I feel sore... and it feels good. I'm getting brave.

I bought myself a present recently from Hallmark. It's a beautiful plaque I have put in the window sill. It's artsy and pretty but I love the words... just two simple words... but it's my new mantra.... "Be BRAVE". Yes. I will choose to be brave. And with God's help I CAN be brave.