(written on Saturday night)
I'm looking off at Peter. I know he's going to fall asleep. If I just keep hoping he will fall asleep.... eventually.... right? We've been playing the up and down game. I just want to unwind and go to bed but he has other plans. Now he's cooing. He knows how to get to me. I love when he's babbling. He's had this insane schedule of pooping and eating tonight. This little man is on a mission!
He keeps looking at me with his dark blue eyes... pleading, practically begging me to hold him. His eyes are this amazing blue... sometimes they look purple. I now understand the how some people have "violet eyes".
I have fed him, changed him, comforted him, swaddled him. I've jiggled the passy several times.
I was in this crazy mood last night. I had so much energy and was so awake... so what did I do? I rearranged the living room furniture, I cleaned out the pantry and the downstairs closet and reorganized a ton of kitchen cabinets. I folded laundry and put things away and did dishes and swept. Yep, I was cleaning and organizing til after 3 in the morning. I think I fell asleep around 4. But this morning when I woke it was worth it!
I've gotten rid of a ton of stuff. Medical stuff is more organized. The counter spaces are clear. I know, and boy, DO I KNOW, that this won't last forever but it felt so good to be productive and deal with some stuff that's been driving me nuts.
Ian has a fever over 100. Libby had had a fever a few days ago. Michael has a fever of over 101... and has also been projectile vomiting. Samuel's been complaining of not feeling well, headache, tummy hurting. He's thrown up a few times. Fun, fun. Glad I'm on the mend so I can care for my babies.
It's funny how when you start to feel like you're getting yourself together in one area then something else starts happening in another area. Life just keeps going. It doesn't stop. It doesn't pause. It keeps coming whether you're ready or not. Whether you want it to or not. And that actually is a beautiful thing at times about life.
It won't get stuck in the same place.
It moves by. You can't stay stuck in "Monday" for forever.... unless you're Bill Murray in Groundhog Day.
Your dreaded exam will come and go. You will teach your child to be potty trained....eventually. The dentist can't drill in your mouth for eternity. That event you're dreading going to, whatever it is, will pass. You will get through it.. because time goes on.... minutes turn to hours. Monday turns to Tuesday. Days melt into months and transform into years. It passes.... and soon, all too soon Today becomes Yesterday.
I've been going through a lot of items and asking myself, "Do I use this item? Often enough to warrant keeping it? Do I have another just like it? Can I live without it? Would someone else be better off with it? Is this item meaningful? Beautiful? Useful? Does it reflect my personal style and taste?
I have found I have justified keeping things that I can't fit, that are broken, ugly, old, outdated, unuseful for far too long. I'm learning to let go. I want to see how much I can live without. I want to clear out the clutter.
In addition, I've been trying to live in the moment and enjoy the NOW. I'm trying to take time to focus on the kids in the moment. I want to HEAR what they're really saying... and not respond to what I imagine they're going to ask. I'm trying to savor the sweetness of the harrowing moments. I'm trying to enjoy each hug and kiss. Focus on each prayer. I can spend so much time planning ahead that I'm never really in the moment that I'm in.
I'm good about planning and preparing but the thing is that won't serve me if I'm not engaged in the present. So yes, I want to plan, but I want to LIVE in the NOW!
So, for right now, I'm going to enjoy my baby and comfort him again... and snuggle and enjoy the sweet smell and sweet sounds he makes.
I'm looking off at Peter. I know he's going to fall asleep. If I just keep hoping he will fall asleep.... eventually.... right? We've been playing the up and down game. I just want to unwind and go to bed but he has other plans. Now he's cooing. He knows how to get to me. I love when he's babbling. He's had this insane schedule of pooping and eating tonight. This little man is on a mission!
He keeps looking at me with his dark blue eyes... pleading, practically begging me to hold him. His eyes are this amazing blue... sometimes they look purple. I now understand the how some people have "violet eyes".
I have fed him, changed him, comforted him, swaddled him. I've jiggled the passy several times.
I was in this crazy mood last night. I had so much energy and was so awake... so what did I do? I rearranged the living room furniture, I cleaned out the pantry and the downstairs closet and reorganized a ton of kitchen cabinets. I folded laundry and put things away and did dishes and swept. Yep, I was cleaning and organizing til after 3 in the morning. I think I fell asleep around 4. But this morning when I woke it was worth it!
I've gotten rid of a ton of stuff. Medical stuff is more organized. The counter spaces are clear. I know, and boy, DO I KNOW, that this won't last forever but it felt so good to be productive and deal with some stuff that's been driving me nuts.
Ian has a fever over 100. Libby had had a fever a few days ago. Michael has a fever of over 101... and has also been projectile vomiting. Samuel's been complaining of not feeling well, headache, tummy hurting. He's thrown up a few times. Fun, fun. Glad I'm on the mend so I can care for my babies.
It's funny how when you start to feel like you're getting yourself together in one area then something else starts happening in another area. Life just keeps going. It doesn't stop. It doesn't pause. It keeps coming whether you're ready or not. Whether you want it to or not. And that actually is a beautiful thing at times about life.
It won't get stuck in the same place.
It moves by. You can't stay stuck in "Monday" for forever.... unless you're Bill Murray in Groundhog Day.
Your dreaded exam will come and go. You will teach your child to be potty trained....eventually. The dentist can't drill in your mouth for eternity. That event you're dreading going to, whatever it is, will pass. You will get through it.. because time goes on.... minutes turn to hours. Monday turns to Tuesday. Days melt into months and transform into years. It passes.... and soon, all too soon Today becomes Yesterday.
I've been going through a lot of items and asking myself, "Do I use this item? Often enough to warrant keeping it? Do I have another just like it? Can I live without it? Would someone else be better off with it? Is this item meaningful? Beautiful? Useful? Does it reflect my personal style and taste?
I have found I have justified keeping things that I can't fit, that are broken, ugly, old, outdated, unuseful for far too long. I'm learning to let go. I want to see how much I can live without. I want to clear out the clutter.
In addition, I've been trying to live in the moment and enjoy the NOW. I'm trying to take time to focus on the kids in the moment. I want to HEAR what they're really saying... and not respond to what I imagine they're going to ask. I'm trying to savor the sweetness of the harrowing moments. I'm trying to enjoy each hug and kiss. Focus on each prayer. I can spend so much time planning ahead that I'm never really in the moment that I'm in.
I'm good about planning and preparing but the thing is that won't serve me if I'm not engaged in the present. So yes, I want to plan, but I want to LIVE in the NOW!
So, for right now, I'm going to enjoy my baby and comfort him again... and snuggle and enjoy the sweet smell and sweet sounds he makes.
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