Listening to JJ Heller and enjoying the sound of her voice and the beauty of her lyrics. I wish I could shake this sense of depression that has been hovering. It's weird... we've had all these sunny days but there are clouds hanging over my head. I'm trying to peer past this crazy fog. Maybe I was just going too hard, too strong and not pausing (resting) enough. I get all jazzed up about getting things in order and accomplishing things and I push myself again and again... like a runner training for a marathon... but I don't rest. I go until I get injured, falling on the ground groaning. I'm trying to sprint and I need to train for endurance not short bursts of speed.

That being said, my clothes are all folded and put away. The dishes are all done. The counters are clear. The bed is made. The bathrooms are clean.

Today was the kid's last day of school. I am so excited that they will be home all the time... and I'm nervous too. I had quite the routine going while they were in school. Now we start a whole new schedule... a summer schedule. I know I'm weird. I like to plan. I like to have an idea, a shape of what my day will look like... a brief sketch... it helps me.

And I have all these ideas... big and small of what I'm hoping to accomplish this summer. For me. For my marriage. For my kids. For the house. Etc. I want the kids to have swimming lessons. They were supposed to last year but Samuel was diagnosed with cancer, so there you go. I really want to enjoy and savor this summer. I want to really engage with the kids... and read books and color and go on nature walks and visit the zoo and the State Parks and go to Norfolk Botanical Gardens and soak up the beauty of life and summer and sunshine. One of the small challenges of Samuel's cancer is that he has a CVL (central venous line- med port). This can't get submerged in water. He's not really supposed to get wet. And if he does get a little wet he needs his bandage completely changed. And that's supposed to be done as sterilely as possible, which is why we get it changed at the hospital and don't do it at home. So we will see how it goes being around pools or going to the beach, etc. Will we just skip it? Hmm.

Well, time for bed.

Comments

Ash said…
you, your family, & your precious boy are always on my heart and in my prayers! love you jenn! praying for an amazing summer, filled with many wonderful memories!

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