Go to Bed.

Why is it easier for me to discipline my kids than discipline myself? I'm so good at making sure they have adequate sleep. That they eat properly. That they don't have too much sugar. That they brush their teeth. Etc.

I'm good at enforcing self-control for them... but it's so hard to do for myself.

I want to fall asleep but I don't feel like I can. Okay, I feel exhausted but my mind is in high gear.

My babies are all sleeping away tucked in bed. Little feet hanging over the edge of the bed. Stuffed animals shoved in the crevices of corners and under arms. Thumbs and fingers tucked in mouth. Blankets strewn about. Feeding tubes on. Peter is asleep on his belly with his butt up in the air. I love that. Libby is asleep and looks like a princess. Ian has one slippered foot dangling over the edge of the top bunk. Samuel looks so peacefully passed out. Michael is so tired that his little mouth hangs slightly ajar.

How sweet to see them at rest. Fully satisfied after a full day. Chocolate cake devoured... and no I didn't tell them it was made from black beans. They loved it!!!!

Grilled chicken was taking too long so I settled for big bowls of oatmeal for them for dinner. They had played outside. They helped me blow out my birthday candles after singing Happy Birthday exuberantly.

Samuel's scan shows no evidence of disease and he has been full of smiles today. He didn't like the IV but Mike said he was great for the scan and kept really still. Samuel was rewarded with a lollipop and a small bag of Lay's potato chips... one of his faves.

My laundry is clean but in mountainous piles. My bedroom is a disaster. There's just no time to attend to it all.

But I did work-out. I did enjoy my kids today. I did get some extra sleep in the afternoon. And I even had a shower. Days are long, hard, fun, challenging, joyful, exhausting, tearful, frustrating, hopeful, sweet, precious, full, overwhelming, difficult, and yet somehow there seems to be a thread of peace that runs throughout the day.

The Holy Spirit is sustaining me and comforting me and imparting strength and reminding me to laugh and love my babies.

Thank you Jesus that you love me. Help me to care for myself with the same diligence I care for my little ones. Help me to have self-control to get enough sleep, eat the right foods, and enjoy things in moderation. Thank you that because I am in you I have your perfect record of righteousness. As though I've always had self-control. Thank you for imparting wisdom to those who ask. Thank you for hearing the prayers of your people... for keeping Samuel's cancer at bay. For preserving his life. Thank you Jesus that you have rest in store for me now. In Your Name I pray Jesus, Amen.