My eyes glittered with excitement. I placed the shoes reverently on the counter. I was at a local thrift store and had found a pair of perfect shoes. Crosstrainers. They fit like a dream. I practiced dancing in them. Yep, they worked. Perfect.
I forgot one thing. The shoes I was wearing was running shoes. And trust me when I say it's not good to do zumba in running shoes. When your dancing and sliding all over the wooden floor your feet can't keep up. They get stuck. So I hurt myself. I pulled my ankle and the tendon. Aw, dang! Really?! I had to stop after 20 minutes.
I'm not a huge "shoe girl." I mean I like shoes. But I don't adore them. At least not the way my sister did or some of my other friends who are shoe happy.
But I needed cross trainer shoes. Of which I used to hav a pair but managed to misplace one of them. So there I am at the counter nearly giddy with excitement. Our items are on the counter. A few books and other odds and ends.
The lady said, "Are these your shoes?"
"No, I'd like to purchase them." She frowned while looking at the bottom of the shoe.
There was no price. She picked up the other shoe. No price.
"Sorry, I can't sell these to you."
"What?! Can I go get another pair of athletic shoes to price them."
"No, they have to be priced by our team."
"Can I put them on hold?"
I was devastated. Seriously, a pair of thrift store shoes threw me out of whack. I wanted to cry. (In my defense, I was emotional due to the crimson tide.) I could barely bite my lip to suppress the tears.
I paid for the other items and walked out the door without looking back. I think I was quite rude. I was so angry.
"Aaagh. If I just wasn't honest. I'm so sick of doing the right thing, the honest thing. I'm tired of doing good. It always seems to bite me in the butt. If I had lied to her I could have walked out with those shoes!"
I know we don't have money to just go get cross-trainer shoes... I was so excited at finding what I needed at a fraction of the normal cost. Didn't God care?! I needed THOSE shoes!!!!
Mike did his best to console me.
As I was harumphing and throwing a tantrum on our way to the car I felt God's voice speak to me. "Wow, hon. You've placed a lot of importance in those shoes, huh?
I was startled. He was right. I had gotten myself so quickly attached to a pair of shoes. I didn't want to give up what I wanted. I wanted MY way!
I thought it was my RIGHT to have those shoes. I was angry because those shoes were withheld from me. My heart was bent out of shape over some shoes. And they weren't even new shoes. I was practically willing to sell my soul for a pair of used shoes!
Mike later told me he imagined that I probably wiped off the wax while practicing my dance moves. At first the thought frustrated me and later it made me laugh. As I had practiced my zumba moves I probably did just that. Oh the irony!
The next day the shoes were still gone. I checked the day after. They're gone. For some reason though it didn't hurt as bad as it did the first time. I was able to breathe and let it go. For whatever reason God doesn't want me to have those shoes.
I'm still praying for some shoes so I can do Zumba but I hope my response would be a willingness to let it go if it's not what He wants for me.
Do you find yourself getting bound up with your things- something you want or something you already have? Isn't it funny how things become so important to us?! Have you ever put a thing over a person?
Do you ever find yourself tired of doing the right thing?
Galatians 6:9 says, "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."
Trying to not give up. I don't want to grow weary of doing good. Asking God to sustain me. But I can't do good. Only He can do good. It is only His spirit in me that enables me to do any good. Resting in His goodness today.
Look forward to telling you how God provides shoes for me. I'm praying for them. God has been teaching me how to pray for my needs. So, yeah, even with shoes... I'm asking God.