Encounters with God and other 3 a.m. happenings...

This is typical me... trying to be superwoman.
Take off the cape Jennifer!!!

Last night I woke up at 3:13 a.m. I could not fall back asleep. Fortunately, I had fallen asleep early the previous night... like 7 p.m.

So I got up and decided, hey, I will do what we needed to do in the morning. So I spent an hour making stuff and preparing for a drive to the country in the morning before sunrise.

During this time I of preparation and driving I felt God was speaking to me. Speaking to me specifically about my role as a Mom. I had literally complained earlier that day that "I'm sick and tired of being everyone's personal slave."

And so I was talking to God about that and I felt him gently nudge me....

"I came to be the servant of all..."

"Um, God, I can't do that. I can't even literally serve my 5 kiddos..."

Mark 9:35 says, "And he sat down and called the twelve. And he said to them, “If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all.”

"God, it seems your Kingdom is not in line with my thinking. Really do I need to be last. Do I need to serve all???" 

"Yes."

But here's where it got crazy.

I didn't see it as a burden.  I wasn't afraid. I didn't feel condemned. Just a sweet conviction. Just a reminder that I need to lay down my life for my family. A tender prodding that they are my ministry right now.

I don't need a platform or a public ministry... I can love those right around me and be doing what God commanded. I can love my neighbors. I can meet the needs of the people right in front of me. And it's enough. It's good. 

I don't feel like I'm changing the world or even that I'm really making a difference in a major way. But I'm committed to follow whole-heartedly after God... and to love my family... and to be their servant.

So their "personal slave"... um, yeah, I guess so. 

I am teaching my kids responsibility and helping them get involved in housework and chores, etc. But I also want to be willing to deny myself and to love them and sacrifice my wants for them. I want to show them what God's love looks like in action.

Now, let me say something for those who think... Okay, this means you should never take care of yourself. Part of me loving and serving my family means putting my oxygen mask on first before putting theirs on. This looks like eating healthy foods at regular intervals. It means taking my vitamins and meds. It means getting exercise. Because if I'm run down and worn out I can't care for them well at all.

And I say this as I'm now sick in bed with what I think is strep throat. Bummer. So loving my family means lying low to recover so that I can care for them at full capacity later this week.