I have to be honest. I have not been doing well lately. I guess that's no surprise if you read my last post. Combination of hormones, sick kids, crazy banking situation last week, among other things...Just at a low.... But here's the thing... God met me tonight.
Literally, met me in kitchen at 10:30 p.m. while I cleaned up Peter's and Michael's "spice of life" experiment. Which meant them getting out of bed when they were supposed to be sleeping and dumping entire bottles of garlic powder, cinnamon, peppercorns, 2 jars of pumpkin pie spice, nutmeg, cupcake sprinkles, Lawry's Seasoned Salt, icecream sprinkles, Christmas sprinkles, and blue sugar all over the kitchen floor and in their sister's laundry hamper.
I had finished reading a book and let me confess I've been a bit of a slug today. Besides, taking Libby to the doctors AGAIN and stopping at a thrift store and then getting the kids lunch I didn't do much. I needed Mike's help A LOT when he wasn't working or sleeping. Remember he's working night shift.... :)
So, I felt inspired tonight. Actually it was a whole lot more like the Holy Spirit just filled the room and gave me peace and joy and energy to do dishes and sweep the floor and do laundry... and I did that. For about 3 hours. I cut up melon. Shredded bulk cheese in my food processor. Fixed Mike sandwiches and coffee and a protein drink for work. I washed the boys lunch boxes out. I even made a baking soda with essential lavender oil concoction and sprinkled it all over the rugs so I can vacuum in the morning.
But that wasn't what was so great.
I felt God speak to my heart. About why I've been so discouraged. I had thought that I need to be on a certain path to be following God's will... and I'm afraid of falling off the road. I'm afraid of not ending up where I'm "supposed" to be. But it felt as if God was speaking to me, "Hey, I've got this. I've got you. I want you to enjoy your life. Enjoy your kids. Don't worry about whether or not you're ending up where you're thinking you're supposed to be... It's MY plan... remember?"
And I felt free. Literally singing hymns in the kitchen in the middle of the night. Because God was helping me to choose life. And to not be afraid of good things He has for me. Does this mean that my life will always be perfect and smooth... or that trials and problems are magically going to go away??? NO! But it does mean that I don't need to fret and be scared that I'm "missing it".
God is in control. His plan will be fulfilled and I don't need to worry about screwing it up! He's so Sovereign that I can't mess up His plans!
And what a breath of fresh air that is.
I can surrender myself to Him... and not feel guilty for when I need to rest. And be grateful for fun and sweet times with my kids. And I felt like I didn't need to be so worried about whether or not I was doing the right thing by washing dishes first or meal prep... I could just let it go and do the first that came to me and then do the next thing.
I realize I could wake up in the morning and all the "glow" of these happy feelings can fade. But I'm thankful that the truth of who I am... and more importantly WHOSE I AM, remains. Unchanging. Ever fixed.
Thank you Jesus for speaking to me tonight. For being with me in the quiet hours. For helping me to do things that had made me feel overwhelmed and bad and fearful. Thank you for reminding me once again I am more than what I do. That I can trust what you have for me... the path you have me on, the activities of each day is ordained by you and I don't need to be afraid or anxious. Speak to the hearts of each person reading this... Help them to know you and love you and to hear your voice. Thank you for your precious Word that speaks life and truth to us! In your Name we pray, Jesus, Amen!