Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Strong Enough...

I was realizing that I like to shield people from pain. I like to bear the brunt of it or somehow make their life easier, better. That's not a bad thing but my husband was encouraging me that sometimes I need to let people experience pain, difficulty and struggle so that they can grow. That was really hard for me to grasp, especially regarding my children. Actually it's taken me several months to understand what he's been getting at. He's not being masochistic as I had originally thought. He's not saying create suffering he's saying sometimes we need to allow it.

Um, that's me...
I thought of a baby Joey in a Mama Kangaroo's pouch. It has to have the strength to pull itself up and out in order to survive. In the same way a baby chick has to peck its way out of the shell. If you "help" these babies by pulling them out or opening their shells you are killing them. They don't have the strength and the ability, what they need to survive. They learn endurance and gain the strength they need to survive by having to pull or peck their ways out.

I think about my life. Dealing with thing after thing. Trial after trial.  God allowing me to deal with Samuel's pre-term labor and birth prepared me for the twins. Dealing with respiratory distress again and again prepared me to know what to look for, enabled me to learn infant CPR, and how to handle a hospital. Multiple hospitalizations and specialists and so much more prepared me for Samuel's cancer diagnosis. God allowing me to experience Michael's need for a feeding tube helped me not freak out when Samuel needed one. I knew what to do, in fact, it was second nature.

God has been merciful helping me build strength, endurance, and giving me what I need, wisdom, knowledge and ability to care for my kids. He's been gently building situation after situation so that I have the understanding to do what is necessary. 

God has made me strong enough so that I can face the challenges of each day. Some days are harder but they are learning ground for me to be able to do what I need to do to care for my family.

strong enough... with God's strength!
That said, Samuel's next CT scan (cancer check) is June 10th. And as usual, I get nervous, anxious, agitated... and so I am reminding myself AGAIN, that no matter what comes, it's okay. God isn't going to throw me in the lion's den... without His presence. He goes with me. And I don't have the grace today to deal with June 10th results. On June 10th I will have what I need to deal with June 10th. And God willing, hopefully, it's great news. Today, I have the grace I need for today! Sounds simplistic but it's really hard. To believe in the present that God is going to take care of me and not look further. Not look to the additional worries that are looming ahead in the future.

Romans 5:1-5

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith[b] into this grace in which we stand, and we[c] rejoice[d] in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but werejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.


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