Being an adventure girl.
So today I seriously had this thought of just up and leaving and taking the kids to Va. I wasn't mad at Mike nor upset with him in anyway. I was just tired of the stress. tired of being overwhelmed and well, just tired. So I had this idea that when he would go out tonight I would just pack the car and leave and be on the road to Va. Then I stopped and thought about it. Well, he wouldn't have a car then and how would he get to class tomorrow? And an acquaintance is coming over tomorrow to help me pack. Libby has ballet and school. And wouldn't that have been a bit dramatic. Mike calling me saying, "Hon, where are you?" "Oh, I'm in Maryland on my way to Va." Okay, so I didn't end up leaving. The truth is it was more that I wanted to run away. I felt like the child who had a little backpack ready but was sitting on the curb outside her house. Yeah, I'm really running away now.
See sometimes life is an adventure and I feel like I've bitten off a little more than I can chew. I was struggling with depression today. Struggling with being swallowed by the worries of my life. The little in the bank was eating at me. How would I know if this pregnancy is okay if I won't see a doctor anytime soon... hey, I could be carrying twins for all I know?! (ha ha) Where are we going to live next month? What if we don't find a place? How are we going to pay these bills? I kept reminding myself that God is faithful and that He loves me and my family and has a plan for us. I kept reminding myself of how God has cared for us and provided in the past. I still felt crazy.
My hormones are crazy. I'm crying as I read Harry Potter aloud to Mike. Whenever someone gets killed I cry. Well, especially a key figure... I won't give it away for those who have yet to read about Harry. I've already read the books this summer but now I'm reading them out loud to Mike.
I made a family dinner today. I was trying to figure out how to do this as cheaply as possible. All in all I think I fed my family and theirs for about $10. I was eyeing the Ramen noodles today in the grocery store. Hmmm... could we live off that? I guess the kids are going to be needing to get over being picky eaters. Maybe I should write a book entitled, "How to make it through seminary: how to live on $3 a day or less". Okay, I'm being silly. I've been really spoiled and things are just getting rocky right now. I still have food in my cupboard. I think we might need to apply for food stamps though...
A good note though: Mike has a job! He's working for the seminary's book-store. It's not the best pay ever but it's not bad. I am so thankful though that we'll be getting some kind of cash flow. I am so thankful that he has a job!
On Saturday I'm going to be working at an Antique Store. Can you believe it? It's just for 5 hours to cover for the owner (who is in my Bible Study) but I'm really excited to do something small to bring in a little money. Hopefully I can fill up the car with gas. I was thinking my life is like a country song right now. "Got $30 in the bank and a quarter tank of gas... might not get us very far or get us somewhere fast. But the kids are healthy and we're not sleeping in the car. We've got a month to move and all we've gotta do is pack. Don't have another home but we're not worried about that, we know God's in control and that's more than most have." What do you think? Honestly, I am laughing right now. These are the stories we'll be telling our children and grandchildren about. The Lord is showing me again that my security comes from Him. I don't need to place my hope in the world and things of this world... my hope is in the Lord. Nothing in this life can give us security... not huge savings account or large retirement funds.... so much can change so fast. But the Lord is unchanging. He is my hope and my security. My trust is in Him. I am scared at times and sometimes I want to see God move quicker, but I am learning what it is to wait on the Lord.
I have the shoes for the wedding and my dress is getting altered for FREE! God's provision! Mike starts work next Wed. That should help. And hey, WE PAID RENT FOR NOVEMBER!!!! Yeah! Also, we thought our internet wasn't working. so I was freaking out... because my e-mail isn't working right now and then on top of that to have no connection with the blogging world... thankfully, it was just our box, um our wirleless box thing had become unplugged. Yay again! So, for those trying to e-mail me I have a new address. The first part is the same but I'm at gmail now instead of hotmail if you need to reach me :)
Yesterday I trimmed back the rose bushes and weeded. The tomato plants still look great and my basil is thriving. Same with the lemon balm... it's citrusy smell is wonderful. Well, off to bed. We're on book 7 now. I love that book. In some ways I gained new perspective on death, grief, and Jesus because of it. I know I'm weird.
Tomorrow I think I'm a little more ready to be an adventure girl.