Condemnation: The motherload of bricks.
There is a mouse running all around my floor. He keep stopping and looking up at me as if to say, "What?" Maybe the next place won't have mice. I wouldn't mind them if they would just keep their mouths off my food that's stored away. I mean come on, there's like a billion crumbs from the kids they could eat off, right?
It's a funny thing but I think in general you can see if I'm doing well or not by how often I post on my blog. I haven't been posting lately... Hmmm, but I do think this has been an extra-ordinarily crazy time. With Libby being sick and the Napiers being here packing is the only thing that's been getting done. Faf (my mom-in-law) cooked almost every meal and did all the dishes. I am wondering if Heaven will be like that sometimes. Good food, no work. Don't get me wrong- I love to cook, it's just nice having a break.
Lately, I've been dealing with a lot of guilt and condemnation. I've forgotten to call, e-mail, write a thank-you note, send a package, or something for someone. I feel like I'm in a fog and I'm just trying to see ahead of me. I've been pathetic at communicating and so, so, so tired. I slept for like 4 hours this afternoon and guess what? I'm on my way to bed after this. I know it's stupid to beat myself up over stuff but I do it. I feel like I become my own punching bag. Lots of good intentions. Lots of great plans fallen to the way side.
I barely have the energy to pack right now, so you can forget about putting on a party to sell purses for a great cause. Then there's the hard stuff like getting bombarded by World Vision, Compassion International, Samaritan's Purse, Opearation Smile, St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital, and Angel Tree who all want my money and they're even willing to double it if I act now. I want to give but we can't. It's so hard. Part of me is just dying because I want to give to those things. I want to bless people with clean water or new shoes or a much needed blanket or to put food in someone's belly... so what do I do with that?
And there's just Christmas in general. I can feel the spirit of materialism falling on me like a wet blanket. Isn't this cute or sweet? If you love them then give them the best. But this, buy that. You need this. They need this. blah. blah. blah. I was wondering when we went from giving gifts to Jesus to trading with each other? Don't get me wrong I love to give gifts and it's fun to get gifts... heck, it's one of my main love languages (for those who've read the 5 Love Languages)... but what about being excited that our Saviour came to earth. He became man... well, He became a wee babe. A tiny, helpless, hungry, needy creature. He who was the Creator of all, became something created... And there's so much more. He relates with us. His humaness became a way we could relate. And yet he was perfect. And He lets His righteous, perfect life become my own. Pretty heady stuff.
I guess I'm trying to say that I don't want this time to be about a bunch of stuff. A bunch of clutter. Of things we don't really need or want or whateve to add to our lives. I want to be with family and enjoy a time of rejoicing and celebrating what God has done. This is a time for giving Thanks. And not just being thankful about things, but being thankful to someone.
Anyway, I'm going to bed. I can barely write. So sleepy. Hope you can take your bricks of condemnation and do something with them. Throw them away or build something beautiful. Don't let them heap on your head, cause gosh, it hurts.