Random Ramblings with an update :)
How can so many emotions exist at one time in one person? So much is going on and I have a hundred new things I want to blog about...and I don't because there's no time or I'm too tired. So let me update you in my random sort of way. Kind of like the way I speak at times. Things pop into my head and I just speak them. So, here goes...
#1 Mike had to take Michael into the ER at King's Daughter's (CHKD) on Friday. His in-d tube was clogged. We were afraid it was kinked inside but it wasn't. It still had to be replaced and it still took over 10 hours. Did I mention it was midnight when he took him in? Yes, people, he is a saint.
#2. So grateful. For all of you who have been blessing us in amazing ways, are are reading this blog- thank you! We've been so touched by all the gift cards for gas and diapers and food. For all the supportive and encouraging cards, letters, and scripture verse reminders, for the meals, for the calls, for the e-mails. For watching our kids. For holding babies. For changing diapers. For being our friends and for being our brothers and sisters in Christ... we can't thank you enough. We are truly blessed. I can't tell you how many times i feel like I can't take another step or do another thing and then someone blesses me. Someone sends me gorgeous flowers or a fruit and cheese basket or a gift card to Target. Someone picks up Starbucks and brings it to me. mmmm... thank you, thank you, thank you.
#3. Discouraged. Aaaaaggggghhhhh. I just keep sinning all the time. I'm frustrated. I've been struggling with anger, frustration, confusion, despair, distress, discontentment, over-eating, not eating (just plain turning to food for comfort), comparing, criticizing, and caring about what others think more than God (fear of man). Yuck. Was I always this sinful?
But Stop! Christ died for me a sinner. He is changing me. He is transforming me. He is making me into something new... something that resembles Him. I got up and fed a baby without complaining. I considered my husbands need for rest before my own. I ate a cup of yogurt instead of a bowl of ice-cream. I sat down and made a charm bracelet with Libby instead of reading my own book. Is it wrong to be tired or get sleep or eat ice-cream or read a book - NO. But God is helping me to die to my desires and to love others and care for them in the way He wants. He is helping me to let go of my expectations which I so tightly cling to. I wrap my arms around my priorities, demands, and control issues and he gently and lovingly says no and helps me let go. I am so thankful that He is working in me, a broken, broken vessel.
He is teaching me to hope instead of despair. To dance and sing instead of scream. To laugh instead of weep. And to hold onto Him like I've never held to anything before.
#4. Sharing my faith. Recently I have had the opportunity to share my faith. At the grocery store. Twice on an ambulance. And yesterday at the library. I haven't full out preached the gospel but I have shared what's happening in my life and how God has been faithful and sustaining me. Yesterday a new pastor spoke at our church... and for the first time in 7 months I heard the full message... which is a miracle... especially in the nursing mother's room. In his message the pastor was reminding us to not deny Christ but to be His disciple. After talking it over with Mike I realized that lately I have been sharing with others. So while at the library getting some books on hold I talked to the librarian. I told her why I was getting some books on grief, loss, etc. I explained my sister Libby and nephew Sam's death. She was stunned. I talked about how God has been faithful to us in the midst of such hardship and difficulty and pain. She spoke of her two sisters and how close she is to them. I was so thankful that God is allowing me to share my testimony and to direct people off of me and to Him. That is all Him.
BTW- I ordered some really great books I'm looking forward to reading!
Okay, Ian needs to nurse again :) I better scoot. Just wanted to give you an update and let you all know, yes, we are still alive!