It is 9:43 p.m. and this is the first time I can remember sitting down today (besides nursing) or to quickly shovel food in.  Hm.

Today was a mix day.  What I mean by that is that it was good but it was very full and it had a lot of mixed emotions.

We started school today.  I woke up late.  Fed the kids.  attempted to do dishes and start school.  After nursing Ian, I got right down to it.  But there was one problem.  Libby understand that we were going to have school at home.  She even understood that I was her teacher.  But what she didn't understand is where the other "families and friends" were.  "Where is Gracie and Gundo?" Her friends from the nursery school up in Philadelphia.  Sigh.

Finally, she was content to just "pretending school".  We sang songs and practiced a Bible verse (Genesis 1:1).  We colored.  We talked about colors and shapes.  We played with play-doh and she painted two pictures.  We even had a snack.  

The laundry is all done.  The dishes are done.  I've juiced. I exercised. I showered.  It's like a miracle day.  I made dinner (salad, jasmine rice, steamed broccoli, egg rolls and orange Chinese chicken).  I even made home-made rice pudding for dessert.  I've set up breakfast for tomorrow and even have Mike's coffee press ready to go. I even made water balloons for the kids to play with outside.  The truth is that the WHOLE day I have spent clinging to God.  I kept asking for help and direction and guidance.  And when I didn't know what to pray I recounted His faithfulness and goodness and told Him His character (like He doesn't know).  But I find when I say, "God, you are love.  God, you are Holy.  There is none like you," when I say that I'm reminding myself of who He is, not reminding Him.

So it was a very grace filled day.  I found more joy in the fact that I sought Him out today rather than all that I accomplished.  I have a tendency to cling to all the things I have done and how much I got to cross off on my to-do list.  But today, even while being very productive, I find more satisfaction in having spent time with Him.

I've really struggled with how to maintain life, in which I mean, how to set boundaries, know what my priorities are, and take time to rest and enjoy life.  I have discovered more and more lately that I tend to be very driven.  Mike suggested a book that has been really helping me.  It's called "Ordering Your Private World" by Gordon MacDonald.  In the book he discusses the problem of being a "driven" person and the difference between a person who is driven and a person who is "called".  It's really good.  It's also very revealing.  I'm not good at resting.  I'm not very good at using my time wisely.  Well, you think it's wise: laundry, dishes, etc. but often I should be doing other things like resting, reading, playing with the kids, laughing, etc.  So I need to grow.

I'm tired.  Really tired and I'm going to go to bed because tomorrow is another full day and I'm not sure if I will accomplish as much as I did today... but I do know this, that God will be there tomorrow.  That He loves me whether or not the laundry or dishes are done.  That He loves me whether or not I washed the floor or organized the office... and even if I don't make my bed, you guessed it.  He still loves me.  

Well, I'm going to go eat some rice pudding.  Enjoy some bedtime tea. And savor reading a book until I drop off to sleep.


Anonymous said…
That is encouraging, Jennifer. I love your quote: "I found more joy..."

How easy it is to confine my happiness to the completion of my to do list rather than just being satisfied at the Lord's feet...

Have a wonderful Wednesday.

Love you.

Katie Paulus said…
Wow! What an amazing testimony of the Lord's goodness in your life! I'm exhausted from just reading all that you accomplished! Thank you for letting all of us "outsiders" look into your world. I'm blessed knowing that the Lord is meeting you throughout your day. I struggle just getting up in a timely manner and being productive without dawdling!

I'm praying for you,

Katie Paulus
Anonymous said…
Hi Jenn, This is Aunt Barb. I just read your blog and You have such a gift of writing. You could write books of encouragement to be published!!! I'm taking Beth Moore's "Stepping Up" Bible Study and she asked us to get on our faces for a minute -or longer if we have time to just " give rything to God". It is a study of "ThePsalms of Ascent". Ps. 120-134. We just had the intro yesterday so I don't know much about them. I love you and yours, pray for y'all every day.

Much love,

Aunt Barb
Anonymous said…
Dear sweet Jen.....You are right on! It is better to "be" than the rush to "do" (that will always be there hounding at your heels). You are running His race (defined by God's call on your life in the present/now....four precious munchkins and one dear husband)....called for His glory remembering that you were not made to run this race alone but can and are banking on the fact that He is with you, has called you to be His very own, and will never, never leave you in an alone state. As we heard on Sunday, "Beginning is easy-----persevering is hard" and knocks the self-life out of commission, but,... the reward in your pursuit of excellence is that you are running to feel HIS pleasure which you gave expression to in this blog. Not by your own power, not by your own might....but God's Spirit WILL carry you, comfort you, encourage you coming along side as your Heavenly Father does to enable to you to stand and to give you hinds feet in high places of responsibility and difficulty. Everything has its season. It won't always be exhaustion to the max physically. It will be ???? and different....but all sanctified experiences (for your book). So run the race set before you with knowledge and perseverence.

Precious loved one, the Angel of the Lord encamps round about you. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's love, drinking from His wellspring of living water that never dries up and will give you green leaf in drought time. Continue to cultivate your sense of humor and continue to overcome every obstacle with much praise and thanksgiving. XOXOXO
thanks so much for taking the time to blog your thoughts, family memories, and the good things God is teaching you. i wish i wasn't so behind in reading it. you are dear Jennifer! your words wash my soul with truth - thanks!

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