Meanderings.

It is 9:43 p.m. and this is the first time I can remember sitting down today (besides nursing) or to quickly shovel food in.  Hm.

Today was a mix day.  What I mean by that is that it was good but it was very full and it had a lot of mixed emotions.

We started school today.  I woke up late.  Fed the kids.  attempted to do dishes and start school.  After nursing Ian, I got right down to it.  But there was one problem.  Libby understand that we were going to have school at home.  She even understood that I was her teacher.  But what she didn't understand is where the other "families and friends" were.  "Where is Gracie and Gundo?" Her friends from the nursery school up in Philadelphia.  Sigh.

Finally, she was content to just "pretending school".  We sang songs and practiced a Bible verse (Genesis 1:1).  We colored.  We talked about colors and shapes.  We played with play-doh and she painted two pictures.  We even had a snack.  

The laundry is all done.  The dishes are done.  I've juiced. I exercised. I showered.  It's like a miracle day.  I made dinner (salad, jasmine rice, steamed broccoli, egg rolls and orange Chinese chicken).  I even made home-made rice pudding for dessert.  I've set up breakfast for tomorrow and even have Mike's coffee press ready to go. I even made water balloons for the kids to play with outside.  The truth is that the WHOLE day I have spent clinging to God.  I kept asking for help and direction and guidance.  And when I didn't know what to pray I recounted His faithfulness and goodness and told Him His character (like He doesn't know).  But I find when I say, "God, you are love.  God, you are Holy.  There is none like you," when I say that I'm reminding myself of who He is, not reminding Him.

So it was a very grace filled day.  I found more joy in the fact that I sought Him out today rather than all that I accomplished.  I have a tendency to cling to all the things I have done and how much I got to cross off on my to-do list.  But today, even while being very productive, I find more satisfaction in having spent time with Him.

I've really struggled with how to maintain life, in which I mean, how to set boundaries, know what my priorities are, and take time to rest and enjoy life.  I have discovered more and more lately that I tend to be very driven.  Mike suggested a book that has been really helping me.  It's called "Ordering Your Private World" by Gordon MacDonald.  In the book he discusses the problem of being a "driven" person and the difference between a person who is driven and a person who is "called".  It's really good.  It's also very revealing.  I'm not good at resting.  I'm not very good at using my time wisely.  Well, you think it's wise: laundry, dishes, etc. but often I should be doing other things like resting, reading, playing with the kids, laughing, etc.  So I need to grow.

I'm tired.  Really tired and I'm going to go to bed because tomorrow is another full day and I'm not sure if I will accomplish as much as I did today... but I do know this, that God will be there tomorrow.  That He loves me whether or not the laundry or dishes are done.  That He loves me whether or not I washed the floor or organized the office... and even if I don't make my bed, you guessed it.  He still loves me.  

Well, I'm going to go eat some rice pudding.  Enjoy some bedtime tea. And savor reading a book until I drop off to sleep.