Thursday, May 01, 2008

Being Low.

In case you're wondering what the results were for Michael's further test- the results were ambiguous.  The resident said nothing new.  He did seem to think things were moving in a good direction.  They were not getting worse.  Yeah, lots of help :)  The truth is we won't know the extent of damage with Michael until he's older.  We'll have to see him growing and moving and continue to have further tests.

I'm struggling.  I don't do well if I look at other's circumstances.  I question why my life has been what it's been and struggle with seeing other pregnant women who are healthy and have full-term normal babies.  Seeing other women taking their babies home.  Seeing other people whose children are free from all the medical craziness my children have had.  The "other" people who haven't experienced a significant loss.

I had this realization this morning though.  I'm sure my life has caused pain and temptation for resentment.  I'm married to a wonderful man.  I have a great home to live in.  I have four children that are all alive.  I haven't miscarried and I've never been barren.  These reminders are helpful.  I'm not the only one who struggles with life turning out in unexpected and difficult ways.  Others struggle with the circumstances and situations and the problems they have.

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