Lifestyles of the Wretch and Frantic.
Hello dear friends. Do you ever have one of those days where you find yourself never finishing anything you started and walking into rooms of unfinished tasks. That was my day. The kids and I were so SLEEPY today. It was like somebody slipped us something. We didn't get out of bed until 9 a.m. and were back in bed just after 11. Crazy, huh? I think maybe we were worn out from yesterday's gallavanting.
So I woke up from my nap. I had fallen asleep around noon and woke up at 1:45. I came downstairs and realized I had missed a half dozen calls from my honey. I needed to e-mail his parents about a favor they were doing for us. So in the midst of this Libby wakes up. I walk into the kitchen and start laughing. I had left the dishwasher door open intending to put detergent in it and had forgotten. and I needed to get Libby milk. Samuel was crying in his crib... he had just waken up. I'm trying to type this e-mail and Libby is begging me to watch "Kipper" which she pronounces it as "Cuppah" (it's a British show about a dog-very toddler friendly). The way Libby says Kipper is so darn cute.
Today felt like a lot of nothings. Didn't get anything done per se but the kids were fed and diapers were changed but they remained in their PJ's all day. The house is vaccumed and the downstairs straightened but a lot of good intentions such as exercising went out the door. I kept finding things I had started but hadn't finished... such as breakfast dishes on the kitchen table at 2 p.m. Scissors I had used to cut with and had forgotten to put away. things of that sort. And I did put the dishes away and I did make yummy fajitas for dinner but it was just haphazard and crazy.
Why does it seem on days when I do a lot that I tend to do "everything": groceries, errands, exercising, cleaning, mail, etc. And on the days when I could do "whatever" and have leisure time nothing happens.
It rained today. Let me correct that. It stormed today. Libby pulled up her little bench to the window and stared at the rain. When it started thundering she didn't look frightened but asked me what the noise was. She spent a lot of the day playing with her baby and wanting me to give the baby a "hair cut"... hair cut is when you fix hair, not actually cut it (according to Libby Anne Hope's new and abridged dictionary). E.g. when Libby gets a haircut I put her hair in clips and a pony tail. So the baby doll has a hair band that perpetually falls off and she wants me to keep fixing it-hence hair cut.. Samuel is cutting teeth like a crazy man which means lots of drool and unusual agitation and fussiness.
Okay, truth be told I did do something today. I read a whole book and finished it today. Guilty as charged.
And I do feel guilty about it. That's the not good thing. I'm not advocating spending everyday reading books to the neglect of things that need to be done. But the children weren't neglected and it was a rainy sleep sort of day. There I go again basing my worth on my productivity. Do you do that? Judge yourself based on what you've accomplished?
There is a stamp I purchased at Michael's Arts and Crafts that I'm going to use for stationary but I want to read you what it says. It's a quote from Mother Teresa stating, "God doesn't look at how much we do, but with how much love we do it." I think in America efficiency is one of our gods. We don't value people for being themselves but how much we can get out of them and what they do. We're so caught up in our doing and not in our being. It's funny how much I base things on the appearance of things... like if my house is clean and orderly and I look good externally then everything is well. But the truth of my wellness really lies in my heart.
I remember one night in particular Mike told me I looked beautiful. I was in a crappy mood and felt like poo-poo doo-dos. But I bothered to look in the mirror and realized I did look pretty. It was internally that I was really messed up... and things weren't right. Because I knew how I was doing on the inside I thought surely it refelcted on the outside. But appearances are deceiving. I've also had moments where I do look like I've been run over by a freight train but I'm at peace in my heart and how I look doesn't faze me.
Anyway, I wasn't trying to write this super long post. I guess it evolved into more than I thought it would. Gotta be careful when I write when I'm tired... I tend to ramble.
Libby is super psyched because Uncle John and D (David-she calls him "Dee") are coming up tomorrow. I also told her that we'll take them to Starbucks... where she's been begging for a Rainbow cookie. Rainbow cookies are the ones with the colorful m&m's in them. So tomorrow is pretty special.
Well, to wrap things up. I find myself so often a frantic wretch. Trying to hurry. Trying to get things done. Running around like a chicken wth my head cut off. Never really focused on where I am but on the next thing. Thank God for grace. For Him loving wretches like me.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound. That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now I am found, was blind but now I see.