Good New, Bad News, and Trusting God.
Good News: Today was my second day of breast-feeding Ian. He really is doing GREAT! He's regulating his temperature now on his own. He's doing well with nursing. He's got a good latch and nurses... he just keeps falling asleep... which is really quite sweet to watch.
They're hoping tomorrow to take Michael off oxygen completely! His feeds (through a feeding tube) are increasing. He looks so much better every day. Mike held him for a long time today while I nursed Ian.
Great News: My Aunt JoAnne had received a second opinion from John's Hopkins. With that opinion they wanted to have her do another bone marrow biopsy... and the news is in! She does NOT have what the first opinion stated. The first diagnosis was that she had a median (average) life expectancy of a year and she had a very serious cancer of the blood. John's Hopkins says she does not have that. She is in a pre-leukemia state and will monthly have her blood checked. Praise God! This is such amazing news. I am so thankful to the Lord!
Now the rough stuff- the doctor came and spoke with us yesterday about Michael. He had had a cranial ultrasound and the result was abnormal. A certain part of his brain did not receive blood at one time (could have been pregnancy or labor/delivery) and he has a lesion in this section of the brain. There is a wide range of what this could mean. The part of the brain that is affected is the part that controls movement. It was hard to not get dramatic and freak out but Mike stood behind me rubbing my shoulders and I successfully attempted to NOT cry. I don't even want to repeat what the potential issues could be.... you know why? Because they will need further testing and reports to determine what his condition will be. I feel tempted to be anxious and fearful but even if the worst were to be it would not help me, my son, or the rest of my family to panic and get anxious now. So it's a sit back, wait, and we'll see. We also hope to speak to a neonatolgist who will confer with the radiologist about the scan and another scan will be scheduled for next Wednesday. So please pray with us. Pray that somehow, someway everything is normal. And if not, that God will give us the grace we need to sustain us.
I sincerely ask for all you family and friends to not panic and worry about Michael... but to pray for him and submit him to God. When we find out more we will keep you posted. The damage could be potentially minimal... and if there is any... that's what we're hoping for.
Now to confess, I have been tempted for that news to put me in a serious tailspin. This is what God has been speaking to me about:
2 Corinthians 1:3-7 " Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's suffering, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort."
2 Corinthians 3:7-10 "But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair, persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus maybe also be manifested in our bodies."
and later in verses 16-18 "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner natures is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."
My Aunt Linda and cousin Emily were over today. I had a great conversation with my aunt and she shared a passage that has been really encouraging to me. Isaiah 58:11 - "And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail."
These times are hard. They are not easy by any stretch of the imagination. But I can say honestly and whole-heartedly that I know I have not been forsaken. I am not left to despair. My hope is in Christ and I cling to Him all the more. I know my peace is found in Him. My strength and joy and hope are in Him. He will not cast me aside. And even in these somewhat "dark" times I know that my Redeemer lives. He who promised is faithful. He is slow to anger and abounding in love.
I take comfort in the Lord even when I look at the storms around me. Even when I hear the negative reports. Even when I'm tired, exhausted, overly-emotional, or afraid. I know His presence is my peace. I know I have NOTHING without Him. And I know that with Him all things are possible.
So it's strange. In some ways I rejoice in these hardships because I see God more clearly. All the unimportant things melt away and I see clearer than ever. When things are easy it's easier to turn away. Easier to be self-reliant, self-centered, and in desire of controlling my life. But when I realize I have no control and relinquish my life to the Lord I find a peace that truly surpasses understanding.
Well, there you you have it. Good news. "bad" news. and trusting God.