Eating My Words...

There are days when it's good to eat your words and sometimes it's bad to eat your words... this is a GOOD time. Last night I was afraid God had given up on me. That he couldn't handle me. That he was DONE with me. I felt done. Put a fork in me. I felt like a cooked turkey- done all the way through. I was wrestling verbally with Mike. Telling him how noone really cared, no one wants to help, and how abandoned, rejected I felt. He told me that I would have to eat my words. I was pretty annoyed at him. I wanted to be mad, to have a pity party and to give up. I didn't want to try to build friendships in PA.

I was kind of laughing when I realized my article would be published last night. My article on serving. I thought to myself how ironic is this? Um, serving? Do I really believe what I wrote? Do I really believe what I was talking about? I do. It just took me a while of God speaking to me. I think He was allowing me to preach truth to myself!

BTW- the article is up and you can check it out at:

(I don't know how to make it a link, otherwise I would. But you could put this in and it will take you there!)

I checked the mail last night. Enclosed was a letter with a check for me for my bridesmaid expenses? What was this? God caring for me? someone loving me? What the heck? Then I opened the other note... a dear friend had sent me a Trader Joe's gift card? What- groceries for next week? Does God love me or what? Is He providing? You can bet He is. He's faithful when I'm not. He loves me even when I'm crying on my bed and wanting to disappear from this life. Why does he care about me?

I am so blessed. I am. I'm NOT on bed-rest. Samuel is NOT in the hospital. We have gas in the car and food in our cupboards and I have a husband who loves me and is amazing. I have children who are quick to give me hugs and tell me they love me. We have clothes to wear.. I even found the other missing shoe of Samuel's- so he has a complete pair of shoes, instead of one sandal and one sneaker :)

I also have Jesus. I have a Redeemer who is not finished with me. He's still completing a good work in me. He walks with me in my dark times. He is showing me there's another way... and something better to live for- HIM!

This morning I went to women's Bible study. Mike had prayed that it would be good and I would feel loved... well, wouldn't you know God did just that!!!! I'm so amazed! I had dropped the kids off at their classes and then realized I hadn't signed them in and went back and made sure I filled out the paperwork.

I forgot my cup of tea in my new travel mug. Sigh. So a lady in my group went and got it for me. I could have kissed her. That gesture was so kind. She went downstairs to Samuel's class and got my mug. I shared with them what we needed prayer for and someone prayed for me earnestly. I was blessed by my leader who provided me this amazing meal which included salad and dessert (brownies & delicious cookie bars). Wow! And I was blessed to listen to how Jesus is amazing. How he fulfilled the Law. When we look at the law we can despair because we can't keep it... but He did, perfectly. He always obeyed the Father and led a sinless life. And that is credited to me.

Blessed Day. a really blessed day. So I'm eating my words.... um, and a cookie!

Thank you Lord that you're true and good and faithful in spite of me. In spite of my doubts, fears, anxiety, and overwhelming sadness you still love me and bless me. Thank you that you are who you are... that I can trust you! Lead me by Your TRUTH not by my feelings. Help me to love you and seek first your Kingdom. Bless my friends today. Bless those around me. Help them to draw close to you; to love you and know you more. In Your Precious Name we Pray, the name of Jesus, Amen.


Caren said…
Jen, I'm so glad you feel loved by our Saviour today! God is so good!
Anonymous said…
well, looks like crow can taste good after all. i should know...but unfortunately i don't. listen, jen, i am sorry i have not gotten up with you guys since being in london, but know that i love you all, i am praying for all of you as a family, and each of you individually, and i know that i know things will turn around and bright skies will shine on a more permanent basis. for now, remember that a fighter has to keep on his/her toes and be ready for anything, even that left hook from the blindside. also, never forget: strength, courage--you know what i am talking about. the word God gave to you at your wedding still holds true. strength and courage. i will try to call again soon. please communicate my love to your amazing husband, my brother, and all three of your children in the best way you know how, and please tell them all that uncle john loves them and cannot wait--almost literally--to see them again.

peace and love,
John Meade
Jennifer said…
Hey John- Thanks for writing. Looking forward to seeing you to in December. So glad you'll get to be back for Christmas. I mean, Israel- who really wants to go to Bethlehem? :) hee hee hee. Will pass my love on to your brother and your niece & nephew and the other potential niece or nephew. Hope you're having a good time and had an amazing birthday. Mike and I thought of you all day and we both realized we never got to tell you! sorry about that. Also, thanks for the call!

Your sister,

Jessica Rockey said…
Jenn, Praise God! Even the lost shoe?! WOW! I'm so glad you made that s.o.s. post. It's just that much sweeter to see how the Lord has been faithful to you personally. God's faithfulness to you looks like matching shoes, a travel mug, a cookie, a prayer. I'm glad you were able to go to bible study, I know that was a step of faith for you... a hard step.
A heard a message years ago. It's was about seeing the faithfulness of the Lord in the past, and how recalling past 'victories' should give us HOPE for the future. Love you friend.
Ashleigh said…
Glad you were showered with blessings. :-)
erin. said…
Ha! What a great picture at the top of this post! Loved your article to. It really got me geared up to step out and serve those around me...thinking of what's best for them, rather than what's easiest for me. I too have have found that unexpected friendships often ignite from someone's help to me or mine to them. Good thoughts! Looking forward to reading more.
Wendy said…
Jenn! I am so glad you wrote about the specific ways that God faithfully met you and loved on you. So often we share struggles with someone and the struggle passes or God blesses and the only way He gets all glory for that is if we share that also. Now everyone who prayed for you is able to truly see their answered prayers and be encouraged too! You are truly a reflection of the way it should be walking with the Lord. Thank you

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