Eating My Words...
There are days when it's good to eat your words and sometimes it's bad to eat your words... this is a GOOD time. Last night I was afraid God had given up on me. That he couldn't handle me. That he was DONE with me. I felt done. Put a fork in me. I felt like a cooked turkey- done all the way through. I was wrestling verbally with Mike. Telling him how noone really cared, no one wants to help, and how abandoned, rejected I felt. He told me that I would have to eat my words. I was pretty annoyed at him. I wanted to be mad, to have a pity party and to give up. I didn't want to try to build friendships in PA.
I was kind of laughing when I realized my article would be published last night. My article on serving. I thought to myself how ironic is this? Um, serving? Do I really believe what I wrote? Do I really believe what I was talking about? I do. It just took me a while of God speaking to me. I think He was allowing me to preach truth to myself!
BTW- the article is up and you can check it out at:
(I don't know how to make it a link, otherwise I would. But you could put this in and it will take you there!)
I checked the mail last night. Enclosed was a letter with a check for me for my bridesmaid expenses? What was this? God caring for me? someone loving me? What the heck? Then I opened the other note... a dear friend had sent me a Trader Joe's gift card? What- groceries for next week? Does God love me or what? Is He providing? You can bet He is. He's faithful when I'm not. He loves me even when I'm crying on my bed and wanting to disappear from this life. Why does he care about me?
I am so blessed. I am. I'm NOT on bed-rest. Samuel is NOT in the hospital. We have gas in the car and food in our cupboards and I have a husband who loves me and is amazing. I have children who are quick to give me hugs and tell me they love me. We have clothes to wear.. I even found the other missing shoe of Samuel's- so he has a complete pair of shoes, instead of one sandal and one sneaker :)
I also have Jesus. I have a Redeemer who is not finished with me. He's still completing a good work in me. He walks with me in my dark times. He is showing me there's another way... and something better to live for- HIM!
This morning I went to women's Bible study. Mike had prayed that it would be good and I would feel loved... well, wouldn't you know God did just that!!!! I'm so amazed! I had dropped the kids off at their classes and then realized I hadn't signed them in and went back and made sure I filled out the paperwork.
I forgot my cup of tea in my new travel mug. Sigh. So a lady in my group went and got it for me. I could have kissed her. That gesture was so kind. She went downstairs to Samuel's class and got my mug. I shared with them what we needed prayer for and someone prayed for me earnestly. I was blessed by my leader who provided me this amazing meal which included salad and dessert (brownies & delicious cookie bars). Wow! And I was blessed to listen to how Jesus is amazing. How he fulfilled the Law. When we look at the law we can despair because we can't keep it... but He did, perfectly. He always obeyed the Father and led a sinless life. And that is credited to me.
Blessed Day. a really blessed day. So I'm eating my words.... um, and a cookie!
Thank you Lord that you're true and good and faithful in spite of me. In spite of my doubts, fears, anxiety, and overwhelming sadness you still love me and bless me. Thank you that you are who you are... that I can trust you! Lead me by Your TRUTH not by my feelings. Help me to love you and seek first your Kingdom. Bless my friends today. Bless those around me. Help them to draw close to you; to love you and know you more. In Your Precious Name we Pray, the name of Jesus, Amen.