Mama, said that there'd be days like this...

There are days that run smoothly. Days where everything seems to fall into place. Things seem to get done almost effortlessly. This was not one of those days. I overslept. We were quickly trying to feed the kids, get them into clothes and get Mike to school so that we could head to my women's Bible study. Okay so the morning felt a bit much but I actually made it on time to the study. I dropped off the kids. I walked to my group feeling tired and disoriented. I was thankful that even though I didn't have a proper breakfast (in my book a 100 calorie granola bar doesn't count) that I had packed my cup of tea. smile.

I sat down and reach for my cup. Now my travel mug has a lid on it. I looked down. I sat in transfixed horror when I realized that somehow the lid wasn't secure. My purse was now coated with tea and I was left without caffeine. Hmmm. Okay. This is alright.

After Bible Study I take the kids to Trader Joe's. We had not been shopping since last week and I didn't have much in the house because we were going out of town. I strap Samuel in and put Libby in the back of the cart. I proceed to fill the shopping cart and Samuel turns around grabs my item and throws it on the floor. The fuzzy (his blanket) is on the floor. Mushrooms. cheese. apples dropping one by one from the bag. All on the floor. It was comical. It really was. I just wish I was watching this happen to someone else and not me. The kids had balloons but kept losing them all over the store. And I was hungry, really hungry. So I kept adding things to the cart that sounded good in the moment. Mmm... macaroni & cheese, alfredo sauce... what the heck was I doing? Can you tell I was hungry?

By the time I got to the check out line I was running around trying to capture the balloons, swipe my card through, pack the grocery bags. Samuel was dropping things on the floor again. I went to pick up something he had thrown and noticed my finger covered in blood. i had a paper cut that was out of control but didn't realize it. So I'm trying to remove the blood. retrieve fuzzy. Ooops there goes the balloon again. While putting Libby in the car the cart starts to roll away...with Samuel in it. And Trader Joe's is on a hill. And there goes Samuel in the cart. I run to grab him. He's screaming. Groceries in the car. Drive home. Put the kids to bed. Put away groceries. The salsa falls and explodes on the kitchen floor. Sigh. I fix myself a sandwich and go upstairs and proceed to fall asleep only to wake up 45 minutes later to a screaming baby. Disgruntled. Get Samuel. Feed him. Play puzzles with him. Chase him up the stairs ten times. At this point I'm almost at the end of myself.

Have you heard of negative calories... you know those drinks proporting that if you drink them then you will burn calories... well, I think I had negative energy. Crazy.

My day was good. I mean I enjoyed Bible Study and I was able to get groceries. I fixed a fresh dinner of chicken, onion, mushroom, corn and bean and cheese quesadillas. and they were good. It was just a day where I felt like I was going against the craziness. trying to swim upriver. It was like fighting gravity as though the day was not ready for me, or maybe I wasn't ready for it. There still sits in the back of the car a poopy princess dress. I had taken the kids to visit Mike yesterday and to picinic at Westminster. Libby wanted to wear her princess outfit. I said okay and she went off in her sneakers and sparkly pink dress. She decided to try and climb a tree. She kept lingering by the tree and proceeding to tell me something about "poo-poo". what? I walked over. Her diaper falls off.. she steps in her loaded diaper. It's running down her legs, etc. I shout for Mike's help. He runs over. We grab the wipes. Strip her of her dress. Clean her up and put on a new diaper. Mike takes her to the car and puts back on her regular clothes. I cleaned the sneakers yesterday... but forgot the poopy dress. So now I still need to clean a poopy princess dress....

I had a moment and sat down to look at my Bible study notebook. We're studying Matthew and the theme is sitting at the feet of Jesus. That's what I've been wanting to do today- just sit. Hmm... but at the feet of Jesus. I feel so crazy and unprepared and insecure and uncertain. Sit at His feet. Could he handle this? Could He handle me? I know the answer is yes and yet I have to remind myself of that. Life can get busy and full. There are dishes in the sink yet to be washed. There are toys strewn about. My clothes are on the floor of the bedroom and my house is not perfectly organized. Sounds like failure to me. But maybe He's not counting on my perfection. Maybe His perfection is enough. And maybe my standards aren't His standards. Maybe He cares more about whether I loved my family well today then whether or not Martha Stewart would approve of my home. Maybe He's more eager to see if I'll extend love and kindness to others than He is about whether or not I exercised. He wants my heart even when it's broken or ugly. So, I think I'll sit here for a moment. The sun is setting and I should probably turn on the lights but I think now is a good time to pause. A good time to stop and thank Jesus for all His blessings. I'm learning to pray with Libby and one prayer I pray with her regularly is "Jesus, thank you for all the good things you've given us...and thank you for the bad things that you are going to use for our good." I am blessed. My daughter wants to curl up in my lap... and I think I'm going to just rest now.


Michelle said…
after reading this, i'm not even sure why i'm tired. i have no excuse.
erin. said…
Jen, I love how you write candidly about your days. I can so relate. And I too am learning that God's expectations are not mine...that a messy house is not as important and speaking kindly to Dru and cherishing every minute (the peaceful and crazy!) with my baby, for example.

Thanks for sharing!
AmyB said…
I love how you are always willing to share what is going on in your life and also what God is speaking to you in the crazy moments...thanks for always being such an encouragement! I was laughing pretty good at your story, 'cause I think anyone who has kids has had those days. And anyone who doesn't have kids, has probably had those days too. Thanks for the reminder to rest in Him! I love you!

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